He was born at 12:30pm on April 20th at Andaluz Waterbirth Center in Portland, OR. He weighed in at 7lbs, 11 & 1/2 ounces and was 21 & 1/2 inches long.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
He is Here! Matthew James Edwin Hoffman Has Arrived
Okay, so our little boy has been in our arms since April 20th (nearly 3 weeks ago now!) . . . Mom has just been a bit of a slacker about getting his stats posted here.
He was born at 12:30pm on April 20th at Andaluz Waterbirth Center in Portland, OR. He weighed in at 7lbs, 11 & 1/2 ounces and was 21 & 1/2 inches long.
He was born at 12:30pm on April 20th at Andaluz Waterbirth Center in Portland, OR. He weighed in at 7lbs, 11 & 1/2 ounces and was 21 & 1/2 inches long.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Saturday, April 14, 2012
38 Week Appointments
Thursday I met with Katherine and Alison at Andaluz for my 38 week visit. All of the usual tests were fine (urine, BP, pulse) and my weight was even up to 152. They were so proud.
Our main topic of conversation at this visit was getting a plan in place for me to hopefully ward off any possible postpartum depression that may be looming on the horizon. As I have a history of depression and a current anxiety disorder that has been in full swing during the entire pregnancy, I have been concerned lately about how I will cope with the demands of a newborn, little sleep, etc. In fact, at my 37 week visit with Dr. Stempel, I asked him to write me a preemptive antidepressant prescription--just in case. He thought it was an excellent idea and wrote me one for 50 mg Zoloft tablets, advising to cut them in half and start taking one on the day the baby is born. His thought was to take 25 mg for one week and then at that point see if I needed to take the whole 50 mg pill. My experience in the past with antidepressants has been that they take 2-3 weeks to "kick in," so if I choose to go that route, I'll probably just go ahead and up the dose to 50 mg after the first week.
Of course I don't want to take them . . . there aren't any antidepressants that don't pass through breastmilk although Stempel said only 1-2% gets through as opposed to something like 25% passing through the placenta when taken during pregnancy. And I haven't taken anything in about seven years now, so if I was to go back on them I think I would feel as if I have failed. But on the other hand, I sure don't want my emotions and thoughts to spiral out of control so that I can't take care of my baby the way he deserves. And I want to enjoy being a mama!
Katherine understood my concern about the Zoloft and looked up some information on the Internet about a study on that drug in particular and its presence in breastmilk. The findings were that zero to very minimal amounts had been found in breastmilk. That made me feel a bit better.
Katherine also told me about a practice that oddly enough, I had just read about for the first time in a People magazine earlier in the week. It's called placental encapsulation and apparently is very very good for women to take postpartum. The baby's placenta is made into capsules after birth (takes 3-5 days) and then the mama takes them in order to help her body recover and get extra nutrients that she would otherwise not get. It's supposed to help very much with postpartum depression symptoms. There are a couple of local women who prepare these capsules and I have their information. It's pretty likely that I will go ahead and have it done because honestly, I'd much rather take those (even though at first it does sound a little bit gross), than the Zoloft if I can at all help it. Tinctures can also be made from the placenta but it takes much longer--weeks--that I just don't feel I have.
Katherine also suggested contacting Baby Blues Connection for information on attending a local support group. I told her that I picked up their information months ago during an appointment at Dr. Stempel's office, but I felt like I wouldn't fit in well since I already have depression / anxiety. My thought was that the group would be full of women who only experienced those symptoms during pregnancy or postpartum. Katherine assured me that there would more than likely be many women in attendance with histories similar to mine and encouraged me to get in touch with them. I called them when I got home that day and left a message. A really sweet volunteer emailed me that evening and said that I was so smart to reach out for help now instead of waiting until it gets really bad. That made me feel better. We emailed a couple of times that night and she let me know about a support group that meets on Mondays in my general area. My plan is to check it out next week and see how it goes. Generally I find I do better one-on-one as opposed to being in a group (I really dread having to go around the circle and talk about myself), but I'll give it a shot. Maybe I can just listen during my first few meetings.
Friday (yesterday), I saw Dr. Stempel and had a fairly uneventful visit. I weighed 153 by his scale so have now gained a total of nineteen pounds during the pregnancy. I'm hoping to reach twenty-five pounds by the time our little guy is born, but we shall see. I guess all the whole milk, cheese, almond butter and ice cream I've been eating is paying off! ;)
I let Dr. Stempel know that the midwives are planning to call him soon to discuss the birth plan and get any input he may have. Katherine said they will write up an actual plan and have me sign it on my next visit so that everyone is on the same page. As far as I know, the plan is that the midwives will check the baby's heart tones every 20 minutes during active labor and if there are any signs of a problem, we will transport to Emanuel where Dr. Stempel will take over. I am comfortable with this as the hospital is only about four miles from the birth center and we should know far in advance of any trouble brewing. But I feel in my heart that all will go well and smoothly, and that this little boy will make his way into the world in exactly the way that works best for him.
It won't be long now. :)
Our main topic of conversation at this visit was getting a plan in place for me to hopefully ward off any possible postpartum depression that may be looming on the horizon. As I have a history of depression and a current anxiety disorder that has been in full swing during the entire pregnancy, I have been concerned lately about how I will cope with the demands of a newborn, little sleep, etc. In fact, at my 37 week visit with Dr. Stempel, I asked him to write me a preemptive antidepressant prescription--just in case. He thought it was an excellent idea and wrote me one for 50 mg Zoloft tablets, advising to cut them in half and start taking one on the day the baby is born. His thought was to take 25 mg for one week and then at that point see if I needed to take the whole 50 mg pill. My experience in the past with antidepressants has been that they take 2-3 weeks to "kick in," so if I choose to go that route, I'll probably just go ahead and up the dose to 50 mg after the first week.
Of course I don't want to take them . . . there aren't any antidepressants that don't pass through breastmilk although Stempel said only 1-2% gets through as opposed to something like 25% passing through the placenta when taken during pregnancy. And I haven't taken anything in about seven years now, so if I was to go back on them I think I would feel as if I have failed. But on the other hand, I sure don't want my emotions and thoughts to spiral out of control so that I can't take care of my baby the way he deserves. And I want to enjoy being a mama!
Katherine understood my concern about the Zoloft and looked up some information on the Internet about a study on that drug in particular and its presence in breastmilk. The findings were that zero to very minimal amounts had been found in breastmilk. That made me feel a bit better.
Katherine also told me about a practice that oddly enough, I had just read about for the first time in a People magazine earlier in the week. It's called placental encapsulation and apparently is very very good for women to take postpartum. The baby's placenta is made into capsules after birth (takes 3-5 days) and then the mama takes them in order to help her body recover and get extra nutrients that she would otherwise not get. It's supposed to help very much with postpartum depression symptoms. There are a couple of local women who prepare these capsules and I have their information. It's pretty likely that I will go ahead and have it done because honestly, I'd much rather take those (even though at first it does sound a little bit gross), than the Zoloft if I can at all help it. Tinctures can also be made from the placenta but it takes much longer--weeks--that I just don't feel I have.
Katherine also suggested contacting Baby Blues Connection for information on attending a local support group. I told her that I picked up their information months ago during an appointment at Dr. Stempel's office, but I felt like I wouldn't fit in well since I already have depression / anxiety. My thought was that the group would be full of women who only experienced those symptoms during pregnancy or postpartum. Katherine assured me that there would more than likely be many women in attendance with histories similar to mine and encouraged me to get in touch with them. I called them when I got home that day and left a message. A really sweet volunteer emailed me that evening and said that I was so smart to reach out for help now instead of waiting until it gets really bad. That made me feel better. We emailed a couple of times that night and she let me know about a support group that meets on Mondays in my general area. My plan is to check it out next week and see how it goes. Generally I find I do better one-on-one as opposed to being in a group (I really dread having to go around the circle and talk about myself), but I'll give it a shot. Maybe I can just listen during my first few meetings.
Friday (yesterday), I saw Dr. Stempel and had a fairly uneventful visit. I weighed 153 by his scale so have now gained a total of nineteen pounds during the pregnancy. I'm hoping to reach twenty-five pounds by the time our little guy is born, but we shall see. I guess all the whole milk, cheese, almond butter and ice cream I've been eating is paying off! ;)
I let Dr. Stempel know that the midwives are planning to call him soon to discuss the birth plan and get any input he may have. Katherine said they will write up an actual plan and have me sign it on my next visit so that everyone is on the same page. As far as I know, the plan is that the midwives will check the baby's heart tones every 20 minutes during active labor and if there are any signs of a problem, we will transport to Emanuel where Dr. Stempel will take over. I am comfortable with this as the hospital is only about four miles from the birth center and we should know far in advance of any trouble brewing. But I feel in my heart that all will go well and smoothly, and that this little boy will make his way into the world in exactly the way that works best for him.
It won't be long now. :)
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
38 Weeks & No More Jeans or Undies
This is kind of a humorous note to the tail end of my pregnancy . . . I have officially gotten so big that I can no longer wear either of the two pairs of maternity jeans I have or the bigger undies that I bought only about a month or two ago . . . I started out with some really cute dark blue denim jeans from The Gap that I wore from about 3 months to 6 months. Then those got too tight when I sat so I switched to some "hippie" flared jeans in a lighter denim wash for the next couple of months. Two weeks ago now (so 36 weeks), I went to put them on after washing them and discovered that they too had become too tight and uncomfortable. The midwives at Andaluz had suggested bringing comfy clothes for labor and I figured I should just bite the bullet and buy myself some maternity yoga pants. I also figured it was time because I had begun going pantless around the house since it wasn't comfortable to sit or lie on the couch in my jeans anymore. Michael thought this was a funny turn of events, but I really wanted to be wearing some pants! I found some great black ones at Macy's that weren't too spendy and have been practically living in them for the past two weeks. The only other thing I can wear is the very cute black dress that Eileen loaned me . . . the equally cute leggings she loaned me are now too tight as well.
And as for the undies . . . here's something I think is pretty darn hilarious in terms of maternity sizing. I have been buying the "Motherhood Maternity" brand of undies since about my third month of pregnancy, and the tag said to "buy your pre-pregnancy size." For me this was medium, so back when my baby bump was still pretty petite I bought a bunch of packages of three pairs. Eventually I noticed that they were too tight (this was while I was still working), and I thought I could be thrifty and just snip the elastic around the legs here and there to make more room. Let me just say that this did not work well. I ended up with undies that were hanging on by inches of material but those inches were still too tight. So I bought a few packages of size "large" undies thinking they would last me until the end of my pregnancy. But I was a little confused about the sizing . . . I mean, if my pre-pregnancy size was supposed to work, how come I was buying the next size up?
Well, this past week even those large size undies became too tight while I was sitting. I just can't bring myself to buy more undies in a bigger size for only a few more weeks of pregnancy, so have now decided to spend the rest of the time "going commando." Hope that's not TMI, everyone.
I think it's pretty funny how it all worked out and that I am now down to one pair of pants. I was thinking the other day that I sure hope my water doesn't break while I am wearing them because then--what will I be laboring in? Maybe I will be going commando. I know the midwives won't mind. :)
And as for the undies . . . here's something I think is pretty darn hilarious in terms of maternity sizing. I have been buying the "Motherhood Maternity" brand of undies since about my third month of pregnancy, and the tag said to "buy your pre-pregnancy size." For me this was medium, so back when my baby bump was still pretty petite I bought a bunch of packages of three pairs. Eventually I noticed that they were too tight (this was while I was still working), and I thought I could be thrifty and just snip the elastic around the legs here and there to make more room. Let me just say that this did not work well. I ended up with undies that were hanging on by inches of material but those inches were still too tight. So I bought a few packages of size "large" undies thinking they would last me until the end of my pregnancy. But I was a little confused about the sizing . . . I mean, if my pre-pregnancy size was supposed to work, how come I was buying the next size up?
Well, this past week even those large size undies became too tight while I was sitting. I just can't bring myself to buy more undies in a bigger size for only a few more weeks of pregnancy, so have now decided to spend the rest of the time "going commando." Hope that's not TMI, everyone.
I think it's pretty funny how it all worked out and that I am now down to one pair of pants. I was thinking the other day that I sure hope my water doesn't break while I am wearing them because then--what will I be laboring in? Maybe I will be going commando. I know the midwives won't mind. :)
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
38 Weeks!!
Whew! We're at 38 weeks now and my belly has officially become what you would call "big." :) Even Michael says so! My belly button is hanging tough, though, and has so far refused to pop out. I keep thinking that my skin cannot possibly stretch any more . . . and then it does! Bodies are truly amazing.
At the risk of sounding like I am complaining (because believe me, pre-pregnancy I promised myself if I ever got pregnant I would bear every ache and pain in silence), I'm going to tell you the truth about how I've been feeling . . . I honestly think that if I don't write it down, my "pregnancy brain" will forget all about it once I see that sweet little boy's face.
Sleeping has been a bit of a bear for about the past three weeks. My tummy is so big that it's pretty uncomfortable when I'm on my side--even with a pillow under my belly and one tucked between my legs to help keep my spine aligned. And if I'm on my left side (which is the side that is supposed to be the best to be on because it allows for the most circulation to the baby), I feel like he gets squished, since his torso and bottom are on that side. A few times I've woken up early to take my thyroid pill and not been able to go back to sleep so have watched some really early morning t.v., read my book (currently The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo) or just tried sleeping with pillows behind my back on the couch.
I've discovered too, just within the last week or so, that I generally can't walk far or be out of the house for longer than a few hours or my back aches like crazy. All I want to do is go home and sit or lie down. Michael and I went for a walk last Saturday because the weather was just beautiful (one of the first really spring-like days we've had this year), and halfway through the walk I wasn't sure I could make it back to the house. :) It took a couple of short rest breaks, but I did in fact make it home. Being this far in my pregnancy has definitely made me pay more attention to my body and the messages it sends.
I'm also quite short of breath lately . . . my diaphragm is being compressed by my massive womb, which, by the way, can grow up to 1000x its non-pregnant size. Isn't that amazing? I read that in a book at the library yesterday, and saw pictures of what my insides look like at this stage: my stomach and intestines are all shoved up against my diaphragm and my glorious womb with baby inside has first dibs on the available room in my abdominal and pelvic cavities right now.
The late pregnancy symptom that I am enjoying the least is hands-down the return of morningsickness. The past few days it has been my companion for most of the day, every day. Sparkling mineral water seems to be the only thing that really helps. Earlier on in my pregnancy I found that lollipops from YummyEarth did the trick, but I'm trying to cut out extra sugar where I can (so I can get it from fruit and the occasional ice cream), and am back to the sparkling water, which I love. It helps, but dang, it certainly cuts down on my motivation to get things done around the house or in preparation for Baby's arrival. I am just so, so thankful that I don't have to work . . . I really don't know how I would make it at this point.
So that is the nitty gritty of Amy's pregnancy at 38 weeks. If nothing happens by the end of this week, I'm going to make an appointment with Jelena to get some "jump start" acupuncture next Friday. We'll be just a couple of days before the 40 week milestone and I don't want to go too far past our due date or I know Stempel will want to induce.
At the risk of sounding like I am complaining (because believe me, pre-pregnancy I promised myself if I ever got pregnant I would bear every ache and pain in silence), I'm going to tell you the truth about how I've been feeling . . . I honestly think that if I don't write it down, my "pregnancy brain" will forget all about it once I see that sweet little boy's face.
Sleeping has been a bit of a bear for about the past three weeks. My tummy is so big that it's pretty uncomfortable when I'm on my side--even with a pillow under my belly and one tucked between my legs to help keep my spine aligned. And if I'm on my left side (which is the side that is supposed to be the best to be on because it allows for the most circulation to the baby), I feel like he gets squished, since his torso and bottom are on that side. A few times I've woken up early to take my thyroid pill and not been able to go back to sleep so have watched some really early morning t.v., read my book (currently The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo) or just tried sleeping with pillows behind my back on the couch.
I've discovered too, just within the last week or so, that I generally can't walk far or be out of the house for longer than a few hours or my back aches like crazy. All I want to do is go home and sit or lie down. Michael and I went for a walk last Saturday because the weather was just beautiful (one of the first really spring-like days we've had this year), and halfway through the walk I wasn't sure I could make it back to the house. :) It took a couple of short rest breaks, but I did in fact make it home. Being this far in my pregnancy has definitely made me pay more attention to my body and the messages it sends.
I'm also quite short of breath lately . . . my diaphragm is being compressed by my massive womb, which, by the way, can grow up to 1000x its non-pregnant size. Isn't that amazing? I read that in a book at the library yesterday, and saw pictures of what my insides look like at this stage: my stomach and intestines are all shoved up against my diaphragm and my glorious womb with baby inside has first dibs on the available room in my abdominal and pelvic cavities right now.
The late pregnancy symptom that I am enjoying the least is hands-down the return of morningsickness. The past few days it has been my companion for most of the day, every day. Sparkling mineral water seems to be the only thing that really helps. Earlier on in my pregnancy I found that lollipops from YummyEarth did the trick, but I'm trying to cut out extra sugar where I can (so I can get it from fruit and the occasional ice cream), and am back to the sparkling water, which I love. It helps, but dang, it certainly cuts down on my motivation to get things done around the house or in preparation for Baby's arrival. I am just so, so thankful that I don't have to work . . . I really don't know how I would make it at this point.
So that is the nitty gritty of Amy's pregnancy at 38 weeks. If nothing happens by the end of this week, I'm going to make an appointment with Jelena to get some "jump start" acupuncture next Friday. We'll be just a couple of days before the 40 week milestone and I don't want to go too far past our due date or I know Stempel will want to induce.
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| Sorry these pics are sideways--will try to flip them later. :) |
Thursday, April 5, 2012
37 Week Prenatal at Andaluz
Tuesday I had my 37 week appointment with Dana (back from her month off), her apprentice, Isabelle, and Jennifer, who will be my doula and assistant midwife at the birth. The very cool thing about this appointment is that Michael was able to go with me. I think the last appointment he went to was the 20 week ultrasound. It's not that he doesn't want to be there; it's just really tough for him to get away from work. And not much usually happens at the appointments anyway: I get weighed, my BP gets taken,, I pee in a cup, etc. The best part is always hearing the baby's heart beat.
But this appointment was different because Dana was back and he hadn't seen or spoken with her since the childbirth class we took back in January. Even more importantly, it was the last time before the baby's birth that he would have a chance to meet Jennifer, as she lives on the coast and doesn't get to Portland all that often. I thought the appointment went really well. The five of us sat in a circle and talked a lot about the birth plan that Michael and I put together, and also about some of my fears surrounding labor and birth.
These last two and half weeks that I have been free from work, I have been trying to prepare myself mentally for our big day. I've been reading from Birthing from Within, by Pam England, which I've found to be a great resource. There are numerous exercises to choose from that help a woman and her partner explore their thoughts and feelings around birth, tips on what one might expect during a hospital birth versus a home birth and many, many suggestions on pain coping techniques for labor.
I've also read birth stories in Ina May Gaskin's book, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, (thanks, Christi!) and have likewise found it to be an invaluable resource. One of my biggest fears around labor has been that the baby might get stuck on his way out. The other day I read story after story of babies who had gotten temporarily stuck due to shoulder dystocia (where the head is born, but then the shoulders have trouble coming through), and Ina May and the other midwives would simply have the woman move to a hands and knees position. In every case, the baby's shoulders had no problem slipping through once this change in position had occurred. It was very comforting to know that a simple change in a laboring woman's position could shift her pelvic bones enough to open up even more space for her baby.
I'm not going to lie . . . I've been nervous about the pain of labor and of how I will handle it. My biggest concern is that it will be like the menstrual pain I've had with endometriosis--awful, awful, awful. I've had a few twinges of that pain here and there lately. At times I think it could be from the baby inadvertently bumping one of my cysts, but I notice it most when I am having a strong Braxton-Hicks contraction. I've read stories of other women with endo who have said that labor pain was nothing compared with the pain they'd had for years with their monthly cycles, and I am hoping very much that that will prove true for me too. And if it doesn't . . . well, I tell myself at least there will be spaces between the pain where I can rest. When I've had endo pain with its accompanying symptoms (nausea, vomiting, diarrhea), there has been no break for the duration of the "attack." Granted, in my experience endo pain attacks never lasted as long as labor will, but I think having at least a minute of rest between contractions /rushes will help a great deal.
My hugest, biggest fear around labor and birth has always been for the baby. It's the unknown and for someone (me) who feels most comfortable around things she can control, having to surrender to the process and trust that what she wants most (safe birth of healthy baby), will take place. I found some great affirmations from a doula service website in South Africa: http://www.birthbuddy.wordpress.com/, and have written down my favorites. My plan is to read them aloud at least once a day until the birth and maybe have someone try reading them to me during labor too. Words hold the most power for me, and I'm hoping they will work their magic to bolster my confidence that everything will go just as it should.
Dana gave me an exercise to try as well: birth art exploring fear. With your non-dominant hand you draw your greatest labor and birth-related fear in a dark color. When you've got that done,you switch hands and use other colors to draw images or write words in the four corners of your paper that will help you, should that greatest fear come to pass. I did this exercise yesterday and I think it was helpful. I cried while I did the first part, but felt much better as I did the second part. And feeling better was surprising to me because I really didn't think there would be anything that could comfort me should my greatest fear happen. I guess maybe that is the point of the exercise: it shows you that you are stronger than you think.
The technical part of my prenatal visit went well. My BP and pulse were fine, urine was fine, and my weight was up a half pound from last week's visit with Katherine. The baby measured well (my little basketball belly) and his heart tones sounded great as usual. Now I just need for him to get a little bigger and a little stronger for his journey to the outside world to meet us.
It won' t be long now and I am so looking forward to seeing his face for the very first time.
But this appointment was different because Dana was back and he hadn't seen or spoken with her since the childbirth class we took back in January. Even more importantly, it was the last time before the baby's birth that he would have a chance to meet Jennifer, as she lives on the coast and doesn't get to Portland all that often. I thought the appointment went really well. The five of us sat in a circle and talked a lot about the birth plan that Michael and I put together, and also about some of my fears surrounding labor and birth.
These last two and half weeks that I have been free from work, I have been trying to prepare myself mentally for our big day. I've been reading from Birthing from Within, by Pam England, which I've found to be a great resource. There are numerous exercises to choose from that help a woman and her partner explore their thoughts and feelings around birth, tips on what one might expect during a hospital birth versus a home birth and many, many suggestions on pain coping techniques for labor.
I've also read birth stories in Ina May Gaskin's book, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, (thanks, Christi!) and have likewise found it to be an invaluable resource. One of my biggest fears around labor has been that the baby might get stuck on his way out. The other day I read story after story of babies who had gotten temporarily stuck due to shoulder dystocia (where the head is born, but then the shoulders have trouble coming through), and Ina May and the other midwives would simply have the woman move to a hands and knees position. In every case, the baby's shoulders had no problem slipping through once this change in position had occurred. It was very comforting to know that a simple change in a laboring woman's position could shift her pelvic bones enough to open up even more space for her baby.
I'm not going to lie . . . I've been nervous about the pain of labor and of how I will handle it. My biggest concern is that it will be like the menstrual pain I've had with endometriosis--awful, awful, awful. I've had a few twinges of that pain here and there lately. At times I think it could be from the baby inadvertently bumping one of my cysts, but I notice it most when I am having a strong Braxton-Hicks contraction. I've read stories of other women with endo who have said that labor pain was nothing compared with the pain they'd had for years with their monthly cycles, and I am hoping very much that that will prove true for me too. And if it doesn't . . . well, I tell myself at least there will be spaces between the pain where I can rest. When I've had endo pain with its accompanying symptoms (nausea, vomiting, diarrhea), there has been no break for the duration of the "attack." Granted, in my experience endo pain attacks never lasted as long as labor will, but I think having at least a minute of rest between contractions /rushes will help a great deal.
My hugest, biggest fear around labor and birth has always been for the baby. It's the unknown and for someone (me) who feels most comfortable around things she can control, having to surrender to the process and trust that what she wants most (safe birth of healthy baby), will take place. I found some great affirmations from a doula service website in South Africa: http://www.birthbuddy.wordpress.com/, and have written down my favorites. My plan is to read them aloud at least once a day until the birth and maybe have someone try reading them to me during labor too. Words hold the most power for me, and I'm hoping they will work their magic to bolster my confidence that everything will go just as it should.
Dana gave me an exercise to try as well: birth art exploring fear. With your non-dominant hand you draw your greatest labor and birth-related fear in a dark color. When you've got that done,you switch hands and use other colors to draw images or write words in the four corners of your paper that will help you, should that greatest fear come to pass. I did this exercise yesterday and I think it was helpful. I cried while I did the first part, but felt much better as I did the second part. And feeling better was surprising to me because I really didn't think there would be anything that could comfort me should my greatest fear happen. I guess maybe that is the point of the exercise: it shows you that you are stronger than you think.
The technical part of my prenatal visit went well. My BP and pulse were fine, urine was fine, and my weight was up a half pound from last week's visit with Katherine. The baby measured well (my little basketball belly) and his heart tones sounded great as usual. Now I just need for him to get a little bigger and a little stronger for his journey to the outside world to meet us.
It won' t be long now and I am so looking forward to seeing his face for the very first time.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
How the Other Half Lives
It's interesting . . . since August of last year, I have been a hesitant member of a "club" I have wanted to join for a long, long time: the Future Mommies of the World club. I use the word "hesitant" because when you've been struggling with infertility for any length of time ( I would say at least a year), it still doesn't feel quite real when your dream finally comes true. At least that has been my experience.
I have felt, until very recently, that this precious little person growing inside of me could be cruelly taken away at any time. And I know this is still a possibility-that is the nature of life. He is not "mine" to grasp with desperate hands, although desperate would be a good word to describe how I have felt many times along this path to baby. I try to think of it more along the lines that he has been given into my care for a time, but that he is his own person and will exert his independence more and more as he grows. My job will be to love him with all my heart, but at the same time to step back more and more and become more of a guide and less of an "I-am-here-to-meet-all-of-your-needs" caretaker. I do admit, however, that I will cherish these first few years when Michael and I will be the apples of his eye.
Now that we are truly in the home stretch of meeting our little one, I find myself to be much more relaxed than I have been at any other time during my pregnancy. I finally feel like a genuine pregnant lady and not like the good imitation of one that I felt I more closely ressembled earlier on. Strangers ask me when I am due, if we know what we're having, how I've been feeling, etc., and it feels right to tell them: one more month, a boy, mostly just the normal pregnancy aches and pains. To them, I am just another pregnant lady whom I am sure they assume became pregnant naturally. In a way it feels good to "pass" in that respect, but in a stronger, more honest way, I always want to tell them: "You have no idea how much we have done to get to this point."
I want to tell them about IVF and what that involves: the huge decision to take the risk of investing a whole lot of money with no guaranteed baby at the end, the fertility drugs and the havoc they wreak with most women's emotions, the strain it puts on your relationship with your partner--and not just financially. At least for us, I was the one going to all of the appointments, waiting to be called back, dealing with the uncertainty of how my body was or was not performing, etc. Many times it felt like I was ploughing through IVF Land on my own, even though I had people around me for support if I needed it. The thing was that, again at least for me, the only person who would have a chance of understanding was another woman who had experienced an IVF cycle.
That's the reason that Eileen and I have become close. She is really the only person in my circle who "gets it" when I talk about how I still feel like that girl with fertility challenges--even though my baby is due to be here in only a few more weeks. She knows why I hear someone's story about their struggle to have a baby and I cry. She understands why I am already thinking about when and how to plan for our next child. For us, as much as we want to be "normal" pregnant women, we are not. And this is something that I really want people to understand. That experience, those memories of whatever you did and however long it took to get you where you are now don't just fall away once you become pregnant. They remain a part of you and I'm sure influence the type of parent you become.
But back to the idea of people assuming a pregnant woman became that way naturally . . . I realize now that I have been guilty of that assumption plenty of times in the past. And even if I allowed for the possibility that a woman may once have been in my shoes but had since achieved her goal, I wouldn't say I was happy for her. Extremely jealous would be a more true description of how I felt. Many times I was so caught up in my own pain, anger and frustration that it truly didn't matter to me how a woman got pregnant. The fact remained that she was and I wasn't. Period. Granted, I could read books about other women who overcame infertility, and I did, but again, instead of feeling genuinely happy for them, I just tried to figure out what they did that I wasn't doing. How could I emulate their journey and make it my own? Of course, I could not. We are all different and I really believe that different approaches and combinations of things work for different people. The trick is to find out what works for you, and that takes time and usually money. Oh and also a healthy dose of luck.
I began this blog post wanting to talk about a woman who works in my building. I would be willing to bet that she is experiencing infertility. The way I know is in how she looks at me--or how she looks and then quickly averts her eyes. I used to do this same thing when I saw a pregnant belly. She has never said hello or smiled at me. The only time we've spoken is when we nearly ran into each other in the restroom. And then it was just "sorry," and "excuse me."
I was tempted one day to talk to her and let her know that I understand her position (if indeed I'm right and she's in the midst of a battle with infertility.) I wanted her to know that I am not like those "other" women who likely got pregnant with very little (or no) effort. I wanted her to know that I understand. In the end I decided against it. I remembered how I felt when it was me who seemed to see pregnant women everywhere she went. I knew she would likely start crying if I tried to talk about it with her and I also knew that as much as I think I understand her situation, I do not. How can I? I am not her and I don't know anything about her. I might understand pieces of what she's feeling, but it would be presumptious of me to approach her as if I completely understand where she is coming from.
And so instead I just wished her well, silently, in my heart and in my head. I still think of her and hope things are working in the direction she wants. Mostly, I hope she finds peace, no matter the outcome of her struggle.
And I find it simultaneously wonderful and strange to be on the other side now . . . looking back at a place I know intimately (Infertility World) but to which I can never again belong (not that I would want to). And at the same time, I can never fully be a part of this new world of soon-to-be parenthood because of what I have experienced to get here.
I guess I am in a sort of No Man's Land between the two, and maybe that is okay. It helps me see where people on both sides of the coin are coming from. A couple of days ago, I spent at least a half hour talking with a co-worker about IVF. He was really interested to know what the process involves and what our experience had been. Not only was I surprised that he wanted to know just because most people don't want a lot of details, but I was surprised because he was male and wanted to know. It's the first time I've come across a guy who was truly curious about infertility and IVF.
He shared with me that he feels guilty because he and his wife have gotten pregnant so easily in the past. They have two kids now and another on the way. That was news to me: that someone on the "other side" might feel guilty about how easily they became pregnant. And then I felt badly for all the times I have judged those I know who have kids. "Don't feel guilty," I told him, "it's just life. And life isn't fair." In that moment I felt like I healed a little bit of that angry part of me that still exists in my heart. And it continues to be healed as I watch a friend who basically planned which weekend she would get pregnant become a mom to a little boy who was just born eleven weeks early. No, life is certainly not fair and we get the cards we are dealt.
I realize more and more that what matters most in the end is how we play them.
I have felt, until very recently, that this precious little person growing inside of me could be cruelly taken away at any time. And I know this is still a possibility-that is the nature of life. He is not "mine" to grasp with desperate hands, although desperate would be a good word to describe how I have felt many times along this path to baby. I try to think of it more along the lines that he has been given into my care for a time, but that he is his own person and will exert his independence more and more as he grows. My job will be to love him with all my heart, but at the same time to step back more and more and become more of a guide and less of an "I-am-here-to-meet-all-of-your-needs" caretaker. I do admit, however, that I will cherish these first few years when Michael and I will be the apples of his eye.
Now that we are truly in the home stretch of meeting our little one, I find myself to be much more relaxed than I have been at any other time during my pregnancy. I finally feel like a genuine pregnant lady and not like the good imitation of one that I felt I more closely ressembled earlier on. Strangers ask me when I am due, if we know what we're having, how I've been feeling, etc., and it feels right to tell them: one more month, a boy, mostly just the normal pregnancy aches and pains. To them, I am just another pregnant lady whom I am sure they assume became pregnant naturally. In a way it feels good to "pass" in that respect, but in a stronger, more honest way, I always want to tell them: "You have no idea how much we have done to get to this point."
I want to tell them about IVF and what that involves: the huge decision to take the risk of investing a whole lot of money with no guaranteed baby at the end, the fertility drugs and the havoc they wreak with most women's emotions, the strain it puts on your relationship with your partner--and not just financially. At least for us, I was the one going to all of the appointments, waiting to be called back, dealing with the uncertainty of how my body was or was not performing, etc. Many times it felt like I was ploughing through IVF Land on my own, even though I had people around me for support if I needed it. The thing was that, again at least for me, the only person who would have a chance of understanding was another woman who had experienced an IVF cycle.
That's the reason that Eileen and I have become close. She is really the only person in my circle who "gets it" when I talk about how I still feel like that girl with fertility challenges--even though my baby is due to be here in only a few more weeks. She knows why I hear someone's story about their struggle to have a baby and I cry. She understands why I am already thinking about when and how to plan for our next child. For us, as much as we want to be "normal" pregnant women, we are not. And this is something that I really want people to understand. That experience, those memories of whatever you did and however long it took to get you where you are now don't just fall away once you become pregnant. They remain a part of you and I'm sure influence the type of parent you become.
But back to the idea of people assuming a pregnant woman became that way naturally . . . I realize now that I have been guilty of that assumption plenty of times in the past. And even if I allowed for the possibility that a woman may once have been in my shoes but had since achieved her goal, I wouldn't say I was happy for her. Extremely jealous would be a more true description of how I felt. Many times I was so caught up in my own pain, anger and frustration that it truly didn't matter to me how a woman got pregnant. The fact remained that she was and I wasn't. Period. Granted, I could read books about other women who overcame infertility, and I did, but again, instead of feeling genuinely happy for them, I just tried to figure out what they did that I wasn't doing. How could I emulate their journey and make it my own? Of course, I could not. We are all different and I really believe that different approaches and combinations of things work for different people. The trick is to find out what works for you, and that takes time and usually money. Oh and also a healthy dose of luck.
I began this blog post wanting to talk about a woman who works in my building. I would be willing to bet that she is experiencing infertility. The way I know is in how she looks at me--or how she looks and then quickly averts her eyes. I used to do this same thing when I saw a pregnant belly. She has never said hello or smiled at me. The only time we've spoken is when we nearly ran into each other in the restroom. And then it was just "sorry," and "excuse me."
I was tempted one day to talk to her and let her know that I understand her position (if indeed I'm right and she's in the midst of a battle with infertility.) I wanted her to know that I am not like those "other" women who likely got pregnant with very little (or no) effort. I wanted her to know that I understand. In the end I decided against it. I remembered how I felt when it was me who seemed to see pregnant women everywhere she went. I knew she would likely start crying if I tried to talk about it with her and I also knew that as much as I think I understand her situation, I do not. How can I? I am not her and I don't know anything about her. I might understand pieces of what she's feeling, but it would be presumptious of me to approach her as if I completely understand where she is coming from.
And so instead I just wished her well, silently, in my heart and in my head. I still think of her and hope things are working in the direction she wants. Mostly, I hope she finds peace, no matter the outcome of her struggle.
And I find it simultaneously wonderful and strange to be on the other side now . . . looking back at a place I know intimately (Infertility World) but to which I can never again belong (not that I would want to). And at the same time, I can never fully be a part of this new world of soon-to-be parenthood because of what I have experienced to get here.
I guess I am in a sort of No Man's Land between the two, and maybe that is okay. It helps me see where people on both sides of the coin are coming from. A couple of days ago, I spent at least a half hour talking with a co-worker about IVF. He was really interested to know what the process involves and what our experience had been. Not only was I surprised that he wanted to know just because most people don't want a lot of details, but I was surprised because he was male and wanted to know. It's the first time I've come across a guy who was truly curious about infertility and IVF.
He shared with me that he feels guilty because he and his wife have gotten pregnant so easily in the past. They have two kids now and another on the way. That was news to me: that someone on the "other side" might feel guilty about how easily they became pregnant. And then I felt badly for all the times I have judged those I know who have kids. "Don't feel guilty," I told him, "it's just life. And life isn't fair." In that moment I felt like I healed a little bit of that angry part of me that still exists in my heart. And it continues to be healed as I watch a friend who basically planned which weekend she would get pregnant become a mom to a little boy who was just born eleven weeks early. No, life is certainly not fair and we get the cards we are dealt.
I realize more and more that what matters most in the end is how we play them.
Friday, March 30, 2012
GBS Test is Negative!!!
And I am oh-so-relieved. :) I didn't want to have to make a decision about whether or not to have IV antibiotics during labor, which would have meant a hospital birth for sure. As much as I have worried about this baby throughout the pregnancy, I am pretty sure I would have opted for the antibiotics, but now I don't have to!!!
Dr. Stempel said the baby is still head down (yay!) and my cervix is thinning a bit, but is still very much closed. Sunday we will be at 37 weeks and he will officially be full-term. You cannot imagine my relief at getting this far and not having any more problems . . . and I am grateful.
My blood pressure was up just a bit today (100/60), and my weight was up to 150 by their scale. It will be interesting to see what the Andaluz scale tells me when I see Dana on Tuesday.
Michael doesn't know this yet, but he has Monday off. :) I arranged it with our boss before I went on maternity leave, thinking that I would plan a little out-of-town "babymoon" for us to celebrate hitting the 37-week mark. I looked at some cute bed and breakfasts in McMinnville, then decided to just make it a "staycation" instead. It seemed to be the most practical and economcal choice . . . we can rent a bunch of Redbox movies and just chill at home. The best part will be the look on Michael's face when I tell him he doesn't have to work on Monday.
Dr. Stempel said the baby is still head down (yay!) and my cervix is thinning a bit, but is still very much closed. Sunday we will be at 37 weeks and he will officially be full-term. You cannot imagine my relief at getting this far and not having any more problems . . . and I am grateful.
My blood pressure was up just a bit today (100/60), and my weight was up to 150 by their scale. It will be interesting to see what the Andaluz scale tells me when I see Dana on Tuesday.
Michael doesn't know this yet, but he has Monday off. :) I arranged it with our boss before I went on maternity leave, thinking that I would plan a little out-of-town "babymoon" for us to celebrate hitting the 37-week mark. I looked at some cute bed and breakfasts in McMinnville, then decided to just make it a "staycation" instead. It seemed to be the most practical and economcal choice . . . we can rent a bunch of Redbox movies and just chill at home. The best part will be the look on Michael's face when I tell him he doesn't have to work on Monday.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Welcome, Robin Spring!
Our friends, Carrie and Warren, welcomed their first little baby boy into their family on Tuesday. His name is Robin Spring. They (like Eileen and Paul), chose not to find out the sex of the baby earlier on in the pregnancy, opting instead for the surprise. I'm happy there are now two little boys who might become a potential buddy(ies) for our little one.
Welcome, Robin! We are all glad you are here.
<3
Welcome, Robin! We are all glad you are here.
<3
Prenatal with Katherine & Alison
I saw Katherine and her apprentice, Alison, at Andaluz last Monday. The other times I've seen them have been at their Tualatin location, but this appointment was at the Portland location and I let them know I'd like my remaining appointments to be there too--since that is where we are planning to give birth. I want to feel really comfortable and used to the space.
Everything was much the same as my other prenatal visits: urine test fine, BP fine, weight . . . 147. Hmmm. Down 2 pounds from Stempel's scale but up one pound from theirs. I could tell they weren't overjoyed, but Katherine said it was okay.
The baby measured just fine--my womb was right on for 36 weeks (yay!) and his heartbeat sounded great as usual. Katherine said at right around this time they listen for about two minutes in order to establish a baseline of what's normal for the baby--whether his heart tends to beat on the faster side or on the slower side. That way, when labor begins and I get checked, they'll have an idea of how the baby is doing right from the start. I like that. His heartrate was in the 120's and sounded so loud and strong through the Doppler.
Katherine confirmed that he is still head-down although she said she's been known to be wrong. They offer an ultrasound to be done about now, in order to confirm baby's position. That way if the baby is breech (vertex), they still have time to try to turn the baby or the parents can decide to go to the hospital if that is what they want. I told her that I feel pretty confident he's head down since both she, Dana, Jennifer and Dr. Stempel have all agreed during separate exams that he is in the "locked and loaded" position. :) And he's been in this position for a good while now--probably for at least 6 weeks. I don't think he's planning to surprise us now.
Katherine also said that the baby's head is "LOA," which I think stands for "Left Occiput Anterior." She said it basically means that the back of the baby's head is facing me (so his face is turned to the inside of my body), and is slightly to my left. She said it's the classic textbook position for a baby to be in for a normal vaginal delivery. Music to my ears. :)
Tomorrow (Friday), I see Dr. Stempel and get the results of my GBS test. Cross your fingers it comes back a big fat negative.
Everything was much the same as my other prenatal visits: urine test fine, BP fine, weight . . . 147. Hmmm. Down 2 pounds from Stempel's scale but up one pound from theirs. I could tell they weren't overjoyed, but Katherine said it was okay.
The baby measured just fine--my womb was right on for 36 weeks (yay!) and his heartbeat sounded great as usual. Katherine said at right around this time they listen for about two minutes in order to establish a baseline of what's normal for the baby--whether his heart tends to beat on the faster side or on the slower side. That way, when labor begins and I get checked, they'll have an idea of how the baby is doing right from the start. I like that. His heartrate was in the 120's and sounded so loud and strong through the Doppler.
Katherine confirmed that he is still head-down although she said she's been known to be wrong. They offer an ultrasound to be done about now, in order to confirm baby's position. That way if the baby is breech (vertex), they still have time to try to turn the baby or the parents can decide to go to the hospital if that is what they want. I told her that I feel pretty confident he's head down since both she, Dana, Jennifer and Dr. Stempel have all agreed during separate exams that he is in the "locked and loaded" position. :) And he's been in this position for a good while now--probably for at least 6 weeks. I don't think he's planning to surprise us now.
Katherine also said that the baby's head is "LOA," which I think stands for "Left Occiput Anterior." She said it basically means that the back of the baby's head is facing me (so his face is turned to the inside of my body), and is slightly to my left. She said it's the classic textbook position for a baby to be in for a normal vaginal delivery. Music to my ears. :)
Tomorrow (Friday), I see Dr. Stempel and get the results of my GBS test. Cross your fingers it comes back a big fat negative.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
36 Weeks!
Here we are at 36 weeks . . . somehow I still can hardly believe that this is really happening. After all of my worrying about this baby and whether or not we would get this far in the pregnancy,, here we are. One more week until we are officially "full term." Absolutely amazing.
It was so nice to be off of work last week. It's funny because I was tired, but it was doable. I was able to take a nap if I wanted to, or just rest on the couch if I felt like I needed it. I didn't have to keep going at work. Not being at work made me realize just how much I am up and out of my chair doing various things--retrieving documents from the copier, getting supplies, delivering documents or CDs to a number of different places within our very large building, and of course--journeying to the restroom at least once an hour if not more often. There were also trips to the kitchen on the other side of the building every couple of hours or so, whether I felt hungry or not. Being here at home has made all the difference in how I feel. I'm still tired, but it's a much more comfortable sense of being tired than when I was working.
This past week we got some things accomplished:
So you can see it was a quiet, yet eventful week. Thiings I have noticed this week:
It was so nice to be off of work last week. It's funny because I was tired, but it was doable. I was able to take a nap if I wanted to, or just rest on the couch if I felt like I needed it. I didn't have to keep going at work. Not being at work made me realize just how much I am up and out of my chair doing various things--retrieving documents from the copier, getting supplies, delivering documents or CDs to a number of different places within our very large building, and of course--journeying to the restroom at least once an hour if not more often. There were also trips to the kitchen on the other side of the building every couple of hours or so, whether I felt hungry or not. Being here at home has made all the difference in how I feel. I'm still tired, but it's a much more comfortable sense of being tired than when I was working.
This past week we got some things accomplished:
- Monday--doctor's appointments with Stempel and Dramov (OB & ND); trip to children's resale shop in southeast Portland where I bought a Thirsties Duo diaper to add to my cloth diaper stash. (So far I also have 3 wool covers I won in an eBay auction and two all-in-one (AIO) diapers that were a baby shower gift (thanks, Bethany!)
- Tuesday--house was deep cleaned by a "green" cleaning company. You cannot imagine what a relief it was and is to have had that done before the baby's arrival; trip to Target to buy side-snap t-shirts and pull-on pants for Baby Hoffman; trip to New Seasons for lunch and also to buy super cute giraffe baby blanket I've had my eye on for awhile--courtesy of gift card from Mom and Dad.
- Wednesday--honestly cannot remember what I did on Wednesday. Must have been a lot of resting. ;) I may have started compiling medical receipts for 2011 taxes . . . during our journey to baby last year, we easily spent the 7.5% of our adjusted gross income required to claim a medical deduction.
- Thursday--we had SNOW! It was the most we have had so late in the year. We got over an inch at our house in Aloha. I had planned to drive to Vancouver to visit my parents and grandparents, but the trip was put on hold due to the snow and random spots of ice. More work on taxes. Tripto Trader Joe's for groceries . . . forgot I am eight months pregnant and jumped over puddle, tweaking lower boack. :( Lots of Braxton-Hcks contractions in evening. Did not sleep well.
- Friday--Eileen and Sam visited. Eileen helped me sort through baby clothes to see how much I have in different sizes. Lovely 2-hour nap for me afterward.
- Saturday--Michael steam-cleaned the carpet in the nursery. Next will be paint and assembling of furniture. We tried out a new crockpot white bean and chicken chili recipe. Mmmm. Turned out good. Will need to make it again and freeze some for after Baby's arrival. Michael took advantage of the beautiful weather (so odd when we had snow just a few days ago!) to catch up on some much-needed yard work. I did some laundry and started writing thank-you notes for the most recent shower. Trip to Babies R' Us with Michael. Bought diaper changing pad and cover, more side-snap t-shirts (can you tell I don't want to pull anything over his head when he is very little?), a memory / record book for Baby's first few years and a Sophie the Giraffe teether.
So you can see it was a quiet, yet eventful week. Thiings I have noticed this week:
- More back pain since puddle jump on Thursday. :( Could also be partly due to largeness of belly. ;)
- Fewer contractions Mon-Thursday than over the past couple of weeks when I was working. A good number of contractions Thurs-Saturday. Body is gearing up!
- Heartburn has made its appearance. It started last week but I had it a few more times this week. Funny because I thought I was going to get to miss out on that part of the pregnancy experience. ;) Ah well, must take the good with the "please-let-it-be-over-soon."
- Harder time sleeping. Baby has had a growth spurt and it's very uncomfortable when I try to sleep on my left-side since that is his favorite place to hang out. Right side is doable, but sleep is intermittent and I find I'm often up early since I don't have to work. Couch is still fairly comfortable. :)
- Baby belly is so precious. I am already missing being pregnant . . .even with the aches and pains, it is such a miracle to feel a tiny human moving around inside of me. I can't help but wonder if I will get to experience it again. We still have two frozen embryos at OHSU to try for a sibling(s) for Baby Hoffman, and I am already thinking ahead to when we could try getting pregnant again. I will be 38 in June, so I don't want to wait too long . . . thinking I will give my body a year to recover from this pregnancy and then try again. That would put me having the baby (or babies) the year I turn 40. So crazy to already be thinking about this, but necessary. And if we didn't get pregnant with our frozen embryos, I think we would look into adoption. I honestly don't feel like I could do another "fresh" IVF cycle with all of the fertility medications. Despite all the work I put into preparing my body with herbs, acupuncture, supplements, qigong, etc., I still feel like we were very lucky to get the four embryos we got,, since so many of my eggs didn't fertilize. Maybe I would feel differently in a year, maybe not. We'll just have to wait and see.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
More Catch-Up on Baby News
I haven't been very good about blogging about my visits to Dr. Stempel and Andaluz lately, so now that I am on maternity leave, I figured I should play catch-up. :)
I think the last time I wrote, I had just had the glucose tolerance test. This was around 30 weeks. My result came back slightly elevated (163), and Dr. Stempel wanted me to take the 3-hour test, which means fasting for 12 hours or so and drinking twice the glucose solution. I really did not want to take the test if I could at all avoid it. My suggestion to him as a compromise was to get a little monitor and test my blood a few times a day.
He said that would be fine, so he wrote me a prescription and I poked my finger 3-4 times a day for about 2 weeks. I tried to do it 2 hours after eating, but it was tough always remembering to do it on time--especially when I was at work. It seemed that sugary things like fruit didn't really raise my blood sugar much, but corn chips were a definite culprit as I discovered one night when we had taco salad for dinner and I ate a bunch of them. Staying away from chips isn't too tough though. I would have much more of a problem staying away from fruit! :)
The only thing that bothered me about testing my blood with the glucose monitor is that I wasn't sure if it was working correctly. The instructions said to run a drop of control solution through the monitor upon first use and then compare the result to a range of numbers specific to that monitor. If the control result was within the range, that would mean the test was working correctly. The problem was that tthere was no control solution in the box with the monitor. When I called the pharmacy to ask about it, I discovered that not only is it something that must be purchased separately, but that they don't even stock it--it would have to be ordered. Wow. Okay, that makes absolutely no sense at all. Why would someone spend time (and pain!) pricking a finger several times a day if they weren't sure the monitor was working properly? It would make much more sense if the pharmacy stocked the solution and offered it separately from the monitor--like they do with the glucose test strips. Or if they at least let people know when they picked up the monitoring kit that the solution was available to order, then the decision would be up to the individual over whether they wanted to spend the exra money to make sure the monitor worked right.
Anyway, you can probably sense my frustration with the whole thing. :) When I didn't get very high values after steady testing, I decided to quit until I could get some of the control solution. It came in last week and now I just have to test the monitor. It's funny that I haven't done it yet--I'm not sure why, unless it's just that I am kind of fed up with the whole thing. But testing the monitor is on my list of things to do today, so we shall see. I'm pretty sure that it is working just fine and that my blood sugar is fine too--as long as I can stay away from those chips! ;)
I had another appointment with Dana during the last week of February and I met her apprentice, Isabelle. I really, really like Dana and I liked Isabelle very much too. They are both what I would call soft-spoken (although I would say Isabelle is more so than Dana), and they both have a very calming energy about them. I love that. There was a bit of a scheduling snafoo the day of my visit, so Isabelle started my checkup and then Dana joined us later. What I thought was really cool was that Isabelle explained how the urine testing works--I'd had no idea really what they looked for except for protein. I think that is one component, but there is a whole list of other things they check. They dip a plastic strip in the urine and it makes boxes for different things change color. Then they compare the colors on the test strip with a control diagram to see if anything is "off" about the urine. They can tell if you are hydrated, if there is too much sugar in your urine, etc. Very cool. She showed me how my test strip cmpared with the control, and all of the colors matched! Yay!
They weighed me at that visit and I was at 144, which was the same as I had been weighing at Dr. Stempel's office. I had gained 10 pounds total since the start of pregnancy and Dana had seemed a little concerned at our first visit, but I don't remember her stressing anything in particular at the visit with Isabelle. I just remember feeling very heard and nurtured. I left feeling very confident in my decision to birth with the midwives, and feeling happy that I was finally getting the type of care I had wanted all along.
Dana had told me that she would be off during March (the midwives take turns having months off when they are not on-call), and so I arranged to meet the woman who would be my back-up midwife, Katherine. I think I saw her a week after seeing Dana, and I met her apprentice, Alison. I have to admit that my first impression of both of them wasn't particularly great. Maybe Dana spoke to Katherine as part of my transfer of care about encouraging me to gain weight. Maybe Katherine just looked at my chart and thought that 10 pounds was not adequate weight gain for this far into my pregnancy. Whatever it was, I felt, from the moment the visit started, almost attacked about what I was eating, how much I was eating and that I needed to gain more weight. Now I know their intention was not to make me feel that way. I think I just wasn't expecting so much emphasis to be put on that issue since I had asked Dr. Stempel if I was gaining enough and he had said yes, that the baby was measuring fine. I think he'd been measuring a week or two behind at each visit, but Stempel said the measuring they do isn't an exact science and could vary a bit. They don't get concerned unless they see a drastic discrepancy between the number of weeks of actual gestation and how the uterus measures.
So when both Katherine and Alison talked simultaneously about how I needed to eat more for my baby, I started to get scared and to feel like I had not been doing a good job--that he was malnourished. When Katherine palpated my abdomen, she said she didn't feel as big of a pocket of amniotic fluid as she had been expecting and that that was likely from not eating enough. I felt awful. Then it was time to get my weight. It was 140, which was 4 pounds less than I had been weighing for several months, and just last week at Andaluz on that particular scale. By this point, I really felt bad. I started crying and feeling like a bad mother before my baby was even born yet. I know Katherine felt badly--she sat down right next to me and looked in my eyes and told me that I had been eating good, nutritious food--just not enough of it to get the amount of necessary calories. I had been eating a ton of salad (mostly from Whole Foods which, along with New Seasons, had been a lifesaver in providing easy and healthy lunches and dinners while I was working.) Needless to say, when I left my appointment, I felt a bit panicky. I was determined to start eating a bunch of calories and gain weight.
I discovered WOW gluten-free oatmeal cookies with dried apricot and I think cranberry. They are big cookies, so I started eating one for breakfast with whole milk. Over the course of one week, I had a total of 4 burgers from New Seasons . . . some were hamburgers, others were turkey burgers--always with swiss cheese and lots of veggies. My favorite part about those burgers is that they are like sandwiches (you can choose lettuce, tomato, grilled onion, mushrooms, cucumber, avocado, etc.) with a turkey, beef or bean patty. I ate a whole lot of the black bean burgers during my first trimester when I was hungry all the time. :)
Another thing I did was start trying to eat constantly--even when I wasn't hungry at all. I went through an enire block of my favorite goat milk cheddar cheese from Trader Joe's in one week--as well as a carton of vanilla ice cream. I looked for cottage cheese made with whole milk, but could only find low or no-fat varieties. I did find some whole milk yogurt, though. I have been buying the plain kind (less sugar) and sweetening it myself with frozen strawberries or blueberries. I have never liked yogurt (and I still don't!), but I know it's got lots of protein in it and is good for both me and the baby.
So when I saw Katherine again last week (a week after the visit where I weighed 140lbs), I was very nervous about getting on the scale, but felt that I must have gained at least some weight. And I was up 5 pounds! So now I was back where I'd been, plus one pound. Katherine and Alison celebrated with me and encouraged me to keep it up. I had kept a food diary over the course of the previous week at Katherine's suggestion and she said it looked great, that I was now getting enough calories even though I was eating a lot of the same foods each day. I'd heard from naturopaths before that variety was really important, but Katherine said it was fine to eat the same things. She probably just didn't want to stress me out about finding a variety of high-calorie, yet healthy foods, now that I had finally started gaining weight.
When she palpated my abdomen last week, she said it felt better--that there was now more fluid around the baby. I was glad about that. I'd gone in mostly in order to be checked for a UTI, since I'd been having a LOT of Braxton-Hicks contractions since I had last seen her. Katherine said that sometimes when a UTI is brewing, it can cause an increase in contractions. Of course, I was worried about pre-term labor. The sheer number of cotnractions I was having seemed like too many (2-4 an hour, every hour, for several hours in a row). But work had been stressful because of a huge and very important project we were doing for Intel, and I'd been pushing myself too hard. One night Michael and I didn't leave work until nearly 11:00pm. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper. I had so many contractions that night and the following morning that I decided to stay home from work the next day. Then I had contractions all day while I watched Netflix on the couch.
I had been debating about when to go on maternity leave (March 16th had been circled on my calendar for several months as my potential last day, but I hadn't made a definite decision). Having all of those contractions pretty much decided it. I felt a bit guilty about going on maternity leave at 35 weeks, since I know many women work right up until their babies are born, but I really didn't want him to come early and I was afraid the increase in contractions was my body's way of saying, "Hey! Pay attention!"
Anyway, I left that second appointment with Katherine and Alison feeling much better than before. I still hope to have Dana as my midwife, but I'm comfortable having Katherine as a back-up. :)
I think it was right after my glucose test that I had my first appointment with Dr. Dramov (the naturopath who helped me transition off of antidepressants about 7 years ago) and whom I had last seen a couple of years ago. I wanted to show off my pregnant belly (of course!) since he knew I'd been trying to conceive for a number of years and had recommended different supplements back when I still thought I could get pregnant naturally. Mostly I wanted to talk with him about his recommendations on vaccinations and on alternative medicine-friendly pediatricians in the Portland area. It turns out there aren't too many of those, sadly, but I think Eileen has someone she likes and I'm going to check with her the next time we meet up.
Dr. Dramov did look at my most recent thyroid and iron tests. I was due for another thyroid check and he recommended getting it on a day when I was due for a "double dose" of meds. Normally I take 25mcg of Levothyroxine Sat, Sun, Mon Wed and Thursday and I take 50mcg on Tues and Friday. His thought was that maybe I needed a higher dose daily (37.5mcg) instead of just getting the cumulative higher dose over the course of each week. He also recommended taking a B12 supplement to help with being anemic and also an iron and herbal supplement called Floradix.
I saw Dr. Stempel Monday (35 week appt), and now will begin seeing him every week until the baby comes. My blood pressure was fine (it seems to stay right around 90/60) and I was up another 4 pounds on the scale! Guess all those extra calories are working . . . may back off just a bit though, because I don't want to keep gaining 5 pounds every week--especially if I end up going to term or past term! :)
I had the Group B Strep test and realized again the difference in the type of care I get from Stempel and from the midwives. There is no choice in having the test at Stempel's office--I was just told I was having a culture taken. I can't remember now if Stempel told me it was for GBS or if I asked. At Andaluz there is informed consent paperwork about everything. Women have plenty of time to read the information and ask questions before it's time to decide about which tests they'd like to have done. I prefer this method of care, even though I was planning to have the GBS test anyway (my friend's baby died of it in the early 90's before routine testing was the norm). I just think people should have more of a say in their prenatal care if they want it. If they want to follow the doctor's recommendations, fine, and if making a different choice feels better to them, fine. The midwives don't really give an opinion one way or the other (maybe because I have not directly asked). They provide information and then it's up to the woman and her partner to ask questions. The parents of the baby end up making the final choice.
I told Stempel about the midwives' concern with my weight and that I was worried the baby might be too small. In Stempel's opinion, all is well. He said the baby is still growing, even if he's a bit behind--I forgot to ask what my womb measured yesterday. Last week at Andaluz I was up 3cm, so was measuring right on (34 1/2 weeks). The previous week she had measured me at 31 weeks, so it was quite a big catch-up. Dr. Stempel said that from his palpation, he guessed the baby already weighs about 6 pounds. You can imagine my surprise! Babycenter.com said generally at 35 weeks, babies are just over 5 pounds, but I didn't think he might already be 6! :)
Stempel wanted to check my cervix because of all the contractions and he said not to worry, that it's not doing a whole lot yet. It's started to soften a little, but that's about it. He said that he doesn't think I have to worry about preterm labor and that in fact, I may very well go late. I suppose it's hard for them to say, but that makes me feel a LOT better. :) Besides that, since being able to rest over the past 5 days, I've noticed the frequency and intensity of the contractions has greatly subsided. Maybe that is all I really needed--time to rest.
So we're headed into the final stretch in pretty good shape. Every day it seems more and more real that our little man is really coming. I've noticed it especially this week, since I've been home. I took a baby shower gift card to Target yesterday and did a little shopping (thanks, Erin!), picking up a few things we still needed for him. Looking at the tiny t-shirts and pants I bought made his arrival more real. And he moves so much now--mostly stretching. He's been head-down for weeks, with his torso on the left side of my abdomen. I used to think his feet were there, because that is where I would feel him moving most, but now I think what I was feeling was him stretching, arching his back against the wall of my womb. Sometimes I feel what might be a leg or a knee above my belly button, but overall, he is sitting very low . . . I haven't felt any kicks under my ribs yet.
Soon, soon, I will need to change the title of this blog because he will be here! Or maybe I will start a new one . . . "Living with Baby" or something like that. :) Either way, we are so, so very lucky and I recognize that every day.
We love you, little man.
<3
I think the last time I wrote, I had just had the glucose tolerance test. This was around 30 weeks. My result came back slightly elevated (163), and Dr. Stempel wanted me to take the 3-hour test, which means fasting for 12 hours or so and drinking twice the glucose solution. I really did not want to take the test if I could at all avoid it. My suggestion to him as a compromise was to get a little monitor and test my blood a few times a day.
He said that would be fine, so he wrote me a prescription and I poked my finger 3-4 times a day for about 2 weeks. I tried to do it 2 hours after eating, but it was tough always remembering to do it on time--especially when I was at work. It seemed that sugary things like fruit didn't really raise my blood sugar much, but corn chips were a definite culprit as I discovered one night when we had taco salad for dinner and I ate a bunch of them. Staying away from chips isn't too tough though. I would have much more of a problem staying away from fruit! :)
The only thing that bothered me about testing my blood with the glucose monitor is that I wasn't sure if it was working correctly. The instructions said to run a drop of control solution through the monitor upon first use and then compare the result to a range of numbers specific to that monitor. If the control result was within the range, that would mean the test was working correctly. The problem was that tthere was no control solution in the box with the monitor. When I called the pharmacy to ask about it, I discovered that not only is it something that must be purchased separately, but that they don't even stock it--it would have to be ordered. Wow. Okay, that makes absolutely no sense at all. Why would someone spend time (and pain!) pricking a finger several times a day if they weren't sure the monitor was working properly? It would make much more sense if the pharmacy stocked the solution and offered it separately from the monitor--like they do with the glucose test strips. Or if they at least let people know when they picked up the monitoring kit that the solution was available to order, then the decision would be up to the individual over whether they wanted to spend the exra money to make sure the monitor worked right.
Anyway, you can probably sense my frustration with the whole thing. :) When I didn't get very high values after steady testing, I decided to quit until I could get some of the control solution. It came in last week and now I just have to test the monitor. It's funny that I haven't done it yet--I'm not sure why, unless it's just that I am kind of fed up with the whole thing. But testing the monitor is on my list of things to do today, so we shall see. I'm pretty sure that it is working just fine and that my blood sugar is fine too--as long as I can stay away from those chips! ;)
I had another appointment with Dana during the last week of February and I met her apprentice, Isabelle. I really, really like Dana and I liked Isabelle very much too. They are both what I would call soft-spoken (although I would say Isabelle is more so than Dana), and they both have a very calming energy about them. I love that. There was a bit of a scheduling snafoo the day of my visit, so Isabelle started my checkup and then Dana joined us later. What I thought was really cool was that Isabelle explained how the urine testing works--I'd had no idea really what they looked for except for protein. I think that is one component, but there is a whole list of other things they check. They dip a plastic strip in the urine and it makes boxes for different things change color. Then they compare the colors on the test strip with a control diagram to see if anything is "off" about the urine. They can tell if you are hydrated, if there is too much sugar in your urine, etc. Very cool. She showed me how my test strip cmpared with the control, and all of the colors matched! Yay!
They weighed me at that visit and I was at 144, which was the same as I had been weighing at Dr. Stempel's office. I had gained 10 pounds total since the start of pregnancy and Dana had seemed a little concerned at our first visit, but I don't remember her stressing anything in particular at the visit with Isabelle. I just remember feeling very heard and nurtured. I left feeling very confident in my decision to birth with the midwives, and feeling happy that I was finally getting the type of care I had wanted all along.
Dana had told me that she would be off during March (the midwives take turns having months off when they are not on-call), and so I arranged to meet the woman who would be my back-up midwife, Katherine. I think I saw her a week after seeing Dana, and I met her apprentice, Alison. I have to admit that my first impression of both of them wasn't particularly great. Maybe Dana spoke to Katherine as part of my transfer of care about encouraging me to gain weight. Maybe Katherine just looked at my chart and thought that 10 pounds was not adequate weight gain for this far into my pregnancy. Whatever it was, I felt, from the moment the visit started, almost attacked about what I was eating, how much I was eating and that I needed to gain more weight. Now I know their intention was not to make me feel that way. I think I just wasn't expecting so much emphasis to be put on that issue since I had asked Dr. Stempel if I was gaining enough and he had said yes, that the baby was measuring fine. I think he'd been measuring a week or two behind at each visit, but Stempel said the measuring they do isn't an exact science and could vary a bit. They don't get concerned unless they see a drastic discrepancy between the number of weeks of actual gestation and how the uterus measures.
So when both Katherine and Alison talked simultaneously about how I needed to eat more for my baby, I started to get scared and to feel like I had not been doing a good job--that he was malnourished. When Katherine palpated my abdomen, she said she didn't feel as big of a pocket of amniotic fluid as she had been expecting and that that was likely from not eating enough. I felt awful. Then it was time to get my weight. It was 140, which was 4 pounds less than I had been weighing for several months, and just last week at Andaluz on that particular scale. By this point, I really felt bad. I started crying and feeling like a bad mother before my baby was even born yet. I know Katherine felt badly--she sat down right next to me and looked in my eyes and told me that I had been eating good, nutritious food--just not enough of it to get the amount of necessary calories. I had been eating a ton of salad (mostly from Whole Foods which, along with New Seasons, had been a lifesaver in providing easy and healthy lunches and dinners while I was working.) Needless to say, when I left my appointment, I felt a bit panicky. I was determined to start eating a bunch of calories and gain weight.
I discovered WOW gluten-free oatmeal cookies with dried apricot and I think cranberry. They are big cookies, so I started eating one for breakfast with whole milk. Over the course of one week, I had a total of 4 burgers from New Seasons . . . some were hamburgers, others were turkey burgers--always with swiss cheese and lots of veggies. My favorite part about those burgers is that they are like sandwiches (you can choose lettuce, tomato, grilled onion, mushrooms, cucumber, avocado, etc.) with a turkey, beef or bean patty. I ate a whole lot of the black bean burgers during my first trimester when I was hungry all the time. :)
Another thing I did was start trying to eat constantly--even when I wasn't hungry at all. I went through an enire block of my favorite goat milk cheddar cheese from Trader Joe's in one week--as well as a carton of vanilla ice cream. I looked for cottage cheese made with whole milk, but could only find low or no-fat varieties. I did find some whole milk yogurt, though. I have been buying the plain kind (less sugar) and sweetening it myself with frozen strawberries or blueberries. I have never liked yogurt (and I still don't!), but I know it's got lots of protein in it and is good for both me and the baby.
So when I saw Katherine again last week (a week after the visit where I weighed 140lbs), I was very nervous about getting on the scale, but felt that I must have gained at least some weight. And I was up 5 pounds! So now I was back where I'd been, plus one pound. Katherine and Alison celebrated with me and encouraged me to keep it up. I had kept a food diary over the course of the previous week at Katherine's suggestion and she said it looked great, that I was now getting enough calories even though I was eating a lot of the same foods each day. I'd heard from naturopaths before that variety was really important, but Katherine said it was fine to eat the same things. She probably just didn't want to stress me out about finding a variety of high-calorie, yet healthy foods, now that I had finally started gaining weight.
When she palpated my abdomen last week, she said it felt better--that there was now more fluid around the baby. I was glad about that. I'd gone in mostly in order to be checked for a UTI, since I'd been having a LOT of Braxton-Hicks contractions since I had last seen her. Katherine said that sometimes when a UTI is brewing, it can cause an increase in contractions. Of course, I was worried about pre-term labor. The sheer number of cotnractions I was having seemed like too many (2-4 an hour, every hour, for several hours in a row). But work had been stressful because of a huge and very important project we were doing for Intel, and I'd been pushing myself too hard. One night Michael and I didn't leave work until nearly 11:00pm. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper. I had so many contractions that night and the following morning that I decided to stay home from work the next day. Then I had contractions all day while I watched Netflix on the couch.
I had been debating about when to go on maternity leave (March 16th had been circled on my calendar for several months as my potential last day, but I hadn't made a definite decision). Having all of those contractions pretty much decided it. I felt a bit guilty about going on maternity leave at 35 weeks, since I know many women work right up until their babies are born, but I really didn't want him to come early and I was afraid the increase in contractions was my body's way of saying, "Hey! Pay attention!"
Anyway, I left that second appointment with Katherine and Alison feeling much better than before. I still hope to have Dana as my midwife, but I'm comfortable having Katherine as a back-up. :)
I think it was right after my glucose test that I had my first appointment with Dr. Dramov (the naturopath who helped me transition off of antidepressants about 7 years ago) and whom I had last seen a couple of years ago. I wanted to show off my pregnant belly (of course!) since he knew I'd been trying to conceive for a number of years and had recommended different supplements back when I still thought I could get pregnant naturally. Mostly I wanted to talk with him about his recommendations on vaccinations and on alternative medicine-friendly pediatricians in the Portland area. It turns out there aren't too many of those, sadly, but I think Eileen has someone she likes and I'm going to check with her the next time we meet up.
Dr. Dramov did look at my most recent thyroid and iron tests. I was due for another thyroid check and he recommended getting it on a day when I was due for a "double dose" of meds. Normally I take 25mcg of Levothyroxine Sat, Sun, Mon Wed and Thursday and I take 50mcg on Tues and Friday. His thought was that maybe I needed a higher dose daily (37.5mcg) instead of just getting the cumulative higher dose over the course of each week. He also recommended taking a B12 supplement to help with being anemic and also an iron and herbal supplement called Floradix.
I saw Dr. Stempel Monday (35 week appt), and now will begin seeing him every week until the baby comes. My blood pressure was fine (it seems to stay right around 90/60) and I was up another 4 pounds on the scale! Guess all those extra calories are working . . . may back off just a bit though, because I don't want to keep gaining 5 pounds every week--especially if I end up going to term or past term! :)
I had the Group B Strep test and realized again the difference in the type of care I get from Stempel and from the midwives. There is no choice in having the test at Stempel's office--I was just told I was having a culture taken. I can't remember now if Stempel told me it was for GBS or if I asked. At Andaluz there is informed consent paperwork about everything. Women have plenty of time to read the information and ask questions before it's time to decide about which tests they'd like to have done. I prefer this method of care, even though I was planning to have the GBS test anyway (my friend's baby died of it in the early 90's before routine testing was the norm). I just think people should have more of a say in their prenatal care if they want it. If they want to follow the doctor's recommendations, fine, and if making a different choice feels better to them, fine. The midwives don't really give an opinion one way or the other (maybe because I have not directly asked). They provide information and then it's up to the woman and her partner to ask questions. The parents of the baby end up making the final choice.
I told Stempel about the midwives' concern with my weight and that I was worried the baby might be too small. In Stempel's opinion, all is well. He said the baby is still growing, even if he's a bit behind--I forgot to ask what my womb measured yesterday. Last week at Andaluz I was up 3cm, so was measuring right on (34 1/2 weeks). The previous week she had measured me at 31 weeks, so it was quite a big catch-up. Dr. Stempel said that from his palpation, he guessed the baby already weighs about 6 pounds. You can imagine my surprise! Babycenter.com said generally at 35 weeks, babies are just over 5 pounds, but I didn't think he might already be 6! :)
Stempel wanted to check my cervix because of all the contractions and he said not to worry, that it's not doing a whole lot yet. It's started to soften a little, but that's about it. He said that he doesn't think I have to worry about preterm labor and that in fact, I may very well go late. I suppose it's hard for them to say, but that makes me feel a LOT better. :) Besides that, since being able to rest over the past 5 days, I've noticed the frequency and intensity of the contractions has greatly subsided. Maybe that is all I really needed--time to rest.
So we're headed into the final stretch in pretty good shape. Every day it seems more and more real that our little man is really coming. I've noticed it especially this week, since I've been home. I took a baby shower gift card to Target yesterday and did a little shopping (thanks, Erin!), picking up a few things we still needed for him. Looking at the tiny t-shirts and pants I bought made his arrival more real. And he moves so much now--mostly stretching. He's been head-down for weeks, with his torso on the left side of my abdomen. I used to think his feet were there, because that is where I would feel him moving most, but now I think what I was feeling was him stretching, arching his back against the wall of my womb. Sometimes I feel what might be a leg or a knee above my belly button, but overall, he is sitting very low . . . I haven't felt any kicks under my ribs yet.
Soon, soon, I will need to change the title of this blog because he will be here! Or maybe I will start a new one . . . "Living with Baby" or something like that. :) Either way, we are so, so very lucky and I recognize that every day.
We love you, little man.
<3
Monday, March 12, 2012
34 Weeks!!
We are officially at 34 weeks and one day as I write this. Baby Hoffman is about 4.75 pounds (about the weight of a canteloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. Dang! Hard to believe there is that much of him all curled up inside me.
I haven't been writing a post for each appointment I've had lately--and there have been quite a few of them since I am seeing Dr. Stempel and seeing the Andaluz midwives concurrently. I also got in two visits with Dr. Dramov, my naturopath whom I had not seen in at least a couple of years. My plan is to catch up on posts starting next week, when I become a woman of leisure. Okay, okay, when I start my maternity leave. :) I only feel slightly guilty about leaving work five weeks before the baby's due date. Part of me is feeling like he might arrive a couple of weeks early, and I would really like to have some time at home to prepare. It's kind of funny to say that since I have been "ready" for him for so long. But now that it's getting down to the last few weeks, I find that there are so many things to do to get ready for his arrival. And one of those things is me--the mama. I need to prepare (or try to prepare) myself mentally for labor so that I can go into it feeling like I am in the best space possible.
For a quick update on how we are doing: we have his carseat (installed!), his crib and dresser/changing table (both unassembled), the crib mattress (still in plastic it came in), a slightly used glider rocker and ottoman (ready and waiting in the nursery), and a mountain of gift bags overflowing with sweet baby clothes and assorted gifts. :) I'd say we're doing all right.
This week I need to order his first set of cloth diapers and covers and get a couple of diaper changing pads and covers (one for upstairs and one for downstairs). I also need to go shopping for a couple of nursing bras or tank tops. If anybody has favorites or suggestions, I am open to them!
Mentally / emotionally my biggest challenge right now is feeling like I am not gaining enough weight. The most I have gained thus far in the pregnancy has been 10 pounds, and Dr. Stempel has said that it's fine because the baby has been measuring appropriately at all of my checkups. But the three midwives I've seen all think I need to gain more . . . especially since last Thursday when I was weighed and found to have lost four pounds in about a week. I think maybe the problem is that I eat a lot of fruits and veggies, but they don't have a lot of calories. And now that our little guy is putting on weight in preparation to join us in the outside world, he is taking more than before.
It's been stressful, but today I tried eating all day even when I wasn't hungry in the least--when I was in fact, still full from my last snack/meal. My stomach feels stretched super tight, but the crampiness I've been having off and on since Saturday has gotten better. Maybe more calories has helped . . . the french fries I got on my way home from work definitely tasted good!
More on this later--and I'll keep you posted on how much weight we put on between now and our little one's birthday.
<3
I haven't been writing a post for each appointment I've had lately--and there have been quite a few of them since I am seeing Dr. Stempel and seeing the Andaluz midwives concurrently. I also got in two visits with Dr. Dramov, my naturopath whom I had not seen in at least a couple of years. My plan is to catch up on posts starting next week, when I become a woman of leisure. Okay, okay, when I start my maternity leave. :) I only feel slightly guilty about leaving work five weeks before the baby's due date. Part of me is feeling like he might arrive a couple of weeks early, and I would really like to have some time at home to prepare. It's kind of funny to say that since I have been "ready" for him for so long. But now that it's getting down to the last few weeks, I find that there are so many things to do to get ready for his arrival. And one of those things is me--the mama. I need to prepare (or try to prepare) myself mentally for labor so that I can go into it feeling like I am in the best space possible.
For a quick update on how we are doing: we have his carseat (installed!), his crib and dresser/changing table (both unassembled), the crib mattress (still in plastic it came in), a slightly used glider rocker and ottoman (ready and waiting in the nursery), and a mountain of gift bags overflowing with sweet baby clothes and assorted gifts. :) I'd say we're doing all right.
This week I need to order his first set of cloth diapers and covers and get a couple of diaper changing pads and covers (one for upstairs and one for downstairs). I also need to go shopping for a couple of nursing bras or tank tops. If anybody has favorites or suggestions, I am open to them!
Mentally / emotionally my biggest challenge right now is feeling like I am not gaining enough weight. The most I have gained thus far in the pregnancy has been 10 pounds, and Dr. Stempel has said that it's fine because the baby has been measuring appropriately at all of my checkups. But the three midwives I've seen all think I need to gain more . . . especially since last Thursday when I was weighed and found to have lost four pounds in about a week. I think maybe the problem is that I eat a lot of fruits and veggies, but they don't have a lot of calories. And now that our little guy is putting on weight in preparation to join us in the outside world, he is taking more than before.
It's been stressful, but today I tried eating all day even when I wasn't hungry in the least--when I was in fact, still full from my last snack/meal. My stomach feels stretched super tight, but the crampiness I've been having off and on since Saturday has gotten better. Maybe more calories has helped . . . the french fries I got on my way home from work definitely tasted good!
More on this later--and I'll keep you posted on how much weight we put on between now and our little one's birthday.
<3
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Baby Hoffman's First Gifts
Our little one started receiving presents several weeks ago. The first three gift packages arrived by mail, two in amazon.com boxes which are always a welcome sight . . . the grin on the side of the box always makes me smile too.
His very first gift was a jungle lamp that we had registered for and then were told was no longer available. Imagine our surprise when it arrived in the mail! Michael was so excited since he was the one who initially found the lamp online. Besides that surprise, the baby also received his first book: Goodnight Moon. The bonus is that it came with a read-along CD. I'm thinking that will be fun for when he is older and we are riding in the car. The gifts were from my uncle Martin (my mother's brother) and his wife, Linda. It was so nice of them to think of us! And what a thrill for Michael and me to receive gifts that our son will be using and playing with in no time at all. It makes his coming even more real.
The next gifts we got were from our friends Erica and Paul. The funny story behind our friendship is that I met Erica while on a flight from Atlanta to Portland. We got to know one another pretty well over the course of a few hours and we've been able to keep in touch since thanks to the magic of Facebook and one other in-person visit. She and her husband sent a gift set of Burts Bees baby care products (yay!) and a baby monitor that we'd registered for at Target. It was so sweet and thoughtful of them to do that--especially since we don't see each other often or even correspond all that often.
Another amazon.com box arrived a week or so after Erica and Paul's box. It was from my cousin Rochelle and her husband Duncan and baby daughter, Eleanor. They sent some completely adorable swaddling blankets. One has a giraffe print and one has a monkey print (of course!) :) What's even better is that the monkeys are a bluish-purple color. So cute.
This little boy is already so loved by so many people. I keep telling him that and telling him how excited everyone is to meet him.
His very first gift was a jungle lamp that we had registered for and then were told was no longer available. Imagine our surprise when it arrived in the mail! Michael was so excited since he was the one who initially found the lamp online. Besides that surprise, the baby also received his first book: Goodnight Moon. The bonus is that it came with a read-along CD. I'm thinking that will be fun for when he is older and we are riding in the car. The gifts were from my uncle Martin (my mother's brother) and his wife, Linda. It was so nice of them to think of us! And what a thrill for Michael and me to receive gifts that our son will be using and playing with in no time at all. It makes his coming even more real.
The next gifts we got were from our friends Erica and Paul. The funny story behind our friendship is that I met Erica while on a flight from Atlanta to Portland. We got to know one another pretty well over the course of a few hours and we've been able to keep in touch since thanks to the magic of Facebook and one other in-person visit. She and her husband sent a gift set of Burts Bees baby care products (yay!) and a baby monitor that we'd registered for at Target. It was so sweet and thoughtful of them to do that--especially since we don't see each other often or even correspond all that often.
Another amazon.com box arrived a week or so after Erica and Paul's box. It was from my cousin Rochelle and her husband Duncan and baby daughter, Eleanor. They sent some completely adorable swaddling blankets. One has a giraffe print and one has a monkey print (of course!) :) What's even better is that the monkeys are a bluish-purple color. So cute.
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| Baby's First Gifts--And His New Carseat!! |
This little boy is already so loved by so many people. I keep telling him that and telling him how excited everyone is to meet him.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Birth Necklace From Kathleen
On a side note, I was thinking the other day how funny it is that she was due, and I am due in April . . . we must both have been destined to have spring babies. :)
Anyway, I got this package from Kathleen and inside it was a really beautiful necklace that reminds me of what a "birth necklace" might look like. Of course, right now I have no idea if I will want any jewelry (or clothing) whatsoever while I'm in labor, but when I picture myself in the tub, I can see myself wearing this necklace.
For now, I am wearing it while I am not in labor and every time I put it on, I smile. It reminds me that I am strong, that my body is made to give birth, that I have courage and resources deep within me that I have not even tapped as of yet.
Many thanks, Kathleen. I love it and I love you. <3
Thursday, February 23, 2012
First Prenatal Visit at Andaluz
The day after my visit with Dr. Stempel, I saw Dana Shibley at Andaluz for my first official midwifery visit. Michael and I had had an initial complimentary consult with another midwife there (Jessica), a couple of weeks after the car accident, but that was as far as we'd gotten in terms of seeing someone there regularly.
I mentioned a few posts back that Dana was the instructor at the childbirth class we attended last month and we had both liked her. During one of the breaks, we had talked with her some about our road thus far and that we were (or basically I was) trying to decide where to go for the birth of our baby.
At this visit, Dana wanted the long version of the tale, starting with our IVF juorney. She asked questions along the way and I talked and talked. It was a really comfortable setting: we were in the "Red Room" at Andaluz, which, as you can imagine, is decorated mostly in shades of deep red. The feel was elegant yet comfortable. I sat on a very soft couch across from Dana who sat on a bench at the foot of the bed in that room. There was, of course, the ubiquitous lovely deep tub nearby and the full adjoining bathrrom walk-in shower. I'm telling you--all the comforts of a very nice bed and breakfast. Much nicer than my house. :)
As Dana and I talked, I was reminded again of how much I love that type of care . . .I'm not saying it's "better" than the care I get from Dr. Stempel because I don't believe it is. It's a different type of care--more nurturing, which is what I need, but not what every woman wants when it comes to prenatal care. And most of the nurturing aspect comes from the fact that the visits are much, much longer than a typical OB visit. I was at Andaluz for nearly two hours that night (I was only expecting the appointment to last an hour), but I felt well heard by the time I left.
Dana said she would request my full medical record from Dr. Stempel's office (he'd only given me the most important stuff--four or five pages' worth), and we made an appoitment for me to return on February 23rd. That, by the way, is exactly two months from my due date. :)
Dana was definitely open to co-manging my care with Stempel(for which I was very relieved and thankful), and she agreed with me when I told her that I wanted to be closely monitored while in labor at Andaluz and at the first sign of anything "funny" or not quite right, I want to go to the hospital. I told her abuot the fear that has been weighing on my mind and heart these past few weeks as we get closer to the baby's arrival. I'm not overly concerned about being in labor (I would like to think I can manage labor pain after dealing with endometriosis pain for 20+ years), but I am concerned about the baby and about whether or not he will need extra help exiting my body. While I don't want my fear and anxiety to keep me from laboring in the environment that I feel suits me best, neither am I willing to put my baby at any risk that I can possibly control. So as we get closer, if he is in a breech position or if Stempel has any concerns about him, I will mostly likely go to Emanuel.
I'm so glad that Dana understands and respects my choice.
I mentioned a few posts back that Dana was the instructor at the childbirth class we attended last month and we had both liked her. During one of the breaks, we had talked with her some about our road thus far and that we were (or basically I was) trying to decide where to go for the birth of our baby.
At this visit, Dana wanted the long version of the tale, starting with our IVF juorney. She asked questions along the way and I talked and talked. It was a really comfortable setting: we were in the "Red Room" at Andaluz, which, as you can imagine, is decorated mostly in shades of deep red. The feel was elegant yet comfortable. I sat on a very soft couch across from Dana who sat on a bench at the foot of the bed in that room. There was, of course, the ubiquitous lovely deep tub nearby and the full adjoining bathrrom walk-in shower. I'm telling you--all the comforts of a very nice bed and breakfast. Much nicer than my house. :)
As Dana and I talked, I was reminded again of how much I love that type of care . . .I'm not saying it's "better" than the care I get from Dr. Stempel because I don't believe it is. It's a different type of care--more nurturing, which is what I need, but not what every woman wants when it comes to prenatal care. And most of the nurturing aspect comes from the fact that the visits are much, much longer than a typical OB visit. I was at Andaluz for nearly two hours that night (I was only expecting the appointment to last an hour), but I felt well heard by the time I left.
Dana said she would request my full medical record from Dr. Stempel's office (he'd only given me the most important stuff--four or five pages' worth), and we made an appoitment for me to return on February 23rd. That, by the way, is exactly two months from my due date. :)
Dana was definitely open to co-manging my care with Stempel(for which I was very relieved and thankful), and she agreed with me when I told her that I wanted to be closely monitored while in labor at Andaluz and at the first sign of anything "funny" or not quite right, I want to go to the hospital. I told her abuot the fear that has been weighing on my mind and heart these past few weeks as we get closer to the baby's arrival. I'm not overly concerned about being in labor (I would like to think I can manage labor pain after dealing with endometriosis pain for 20+ years), but I am concerned about the baby and about whether or not he will need extra help exiting my body. While I don't want my fear and anxiety to keep me from laboring in the environment that I feel suits me best, neither am I willing to put my baby at any risk that I can possibly control. So as we get closer, if he is in a breech position or if Stempel has any concerns about him, I will mostly likely go to Emanuel.
I'm so glad that Dana understands and respects my choice.
Dr. Stempel Surprises Me
. . . in a very good way.
Last Monday (two weeks ago now) was a day that started out to be stressful but ended surprisingly well. I had two appointments at Emanuel that day--the first was to have a glucose tolerance test to check for gestational diabetes and the second was to have my regular prenatal visit with Dr. Stempel.
Both visits were stressing me out, for different reasons. I was unsure about taking the glucose test mostly because I don't generally consume a lot of sugar at one time (although I had been in the habit of having two Udi's oatmeal raisin gluten-free cookies just about every day as a snack and a treat. It helped all the spinach salads go down easier. ;) But I was worried how our little guy would react to 50g of sugar being dumped on him at one time. I was also pretty sure I wouldn't feel very physically well from it. Besides that, I'd read in Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Natural Childbirth that the midwives at the Farm just do glucometer testing and then refer those patients who show elevated blood sugar levels for the actual glucose tolerance testing. I struggled with what to do and tried calling Dana (Andaluz midwife I was set to see the next day for my fiirst appointment), but couldn't reach her. So I ended up calling Jennifer right before I would need to drink the glucose. I was supposed to drink it, then have my blood drawn exactly an hour later. Jennifer said that the glucose would probably have more effect on me than the baby, since my body converts the food I eat into glucose and that is what nourishes the baby anyway. I decided if that was the case that I could just go ahead and do it. He was my main concern.
I chugged the lemon-lime drink (had to drink it all within 5 minutes) and it actually didn't taste as awfully sweet as I was expecting. It reminded me of the Otter Pops I used to eat back in the day. Mmmm. Love those.
I felt okay until I got to Emanuel. Then I noticed a bit of a headache while I was waiting to get my blood drawn, and it also felt like my heart was racing somewhat--nothing terrible, just uncomfortable.
After the blood draw I had my regular appointment with Dr. Stempel. Renee checked my weight (still 144, but she wasn't concerned that I hadn't gained any weight in about a month. She said most women gain the greater part of their pregnancy weight in the last trimester.) and blood pressure (fine).
When the doctor came in, he had a female student with him, but didn't ask me if that was okay. At OHSU, we were always asked before a student(s) entered the room. Maybe Stempel figures if you mind, you'll say something. Anyway, I was fine with it.
He measured my womb and said he thought the baby was head down, his bum on the right side of my abdomen and his legs and feet on the left--which would explain the kicking I almost always feel on that side He also checked the baby's heartbeat which was 130 beats per minute. I asked if that wasn't lower than normal and he said no, that anything from I think about 120-160 was normal at this point. Their litle hearts beat faster earlier on in a pregnancy, which is why I remembe it being 145 and 150 before.
After the quick exam, he asked me if I'd made an appointment yet to see the Emanuel nurse-midwives. I said that I had made an appointment, but with the midwives at Andaluz and that I knew that wasn't what his choice for me would have been. Here's where he surprised me: I explained that I felt comfortable there and that as long as everything kept going smoothly with the pregnancy and everything looked good going into my final weeks, I really wanted to shoot for a waterbirth there. He seemed to agree that that would be fine as long as things continue to look normal. He even made a comment about how in most cases, things go pretty straightforwardly. I took that to mean that they go so straightforwaardly that a hospital birth isn't necessary. I told him that I understood if he wouldn't feel comfortable taking over my car in the event that I need extra help. He got thoughtful (as he has done in visits past) and I jst sat quietly and waited to see what he would say. The student looked a bit uncomfortale, staring looking anywhere but at me or the doctor.
Finally Dr. Stempel said that neither he nor his partners htave ever co-managed prenatal care with the Andaluz midwives, but that he would not be averse to it That way if it ends up that I do need to be in a hospital (or I decide that is where I am most comfortable), he will be in the loop, having continued to see me for regular prenatal visits.
I was so stunned and happy that he would basically offer to do that for me. We decided that I would come back in two weeks (I'm far enough along in my pregnancy that the visits now drop to once every two weeks instead of once a month !) )and he even asked me if I had copies of my records to take to Andaluz. When I admitted sheepishly that I hadn't thought that far ahead, he offered to get them for me so I could take them with me when I left. And then he even ended up making the copies! I think that last part was what really impressed me.
I forgot to mention that when we were discussing the option of a co-managed pregnancy between his office and Andaluz, I said that I really preferred an integrated approach anyway. And he said that he does too. Wow. Could have knocked me over with a feather--but in a very good way.
So that is where we are now . . . and I feel good about having people on my side in both camps: the medical model of care and the midwifery model of care. It really does seem to me that great benefit can come from both sides just working together (as with so many other things in this world). I believe that in general, doctors and midwives both want the same thing: safe births and healthy mothers and babies. And there is at least one doctor in the Portland area who seems to believe that too.
Last Monday (two weeks ago now) was a day that started out to be stressful but ended surprisingly well. I had two appointments at Emanuel that day--the first was to have a glucose tolerance test to check for gestational diabetes and the second was to have my regular prenatal visit with Dr. Stempel.
Both visits were stressing me out, for different reasons. I was unsure about taking the glucose test mostly because I don't generally consume a lot of sugar at one time (although I had been in the habit of having two Udi's oatmeal raisin gluten-free cookies just about every day as a snack and a treat. It helped all the spinach salads go down easier. ;) But I was worried how our little guy would react to 50g of sugar being dumped on him at one time. I was also pretty sure I wouldn't feel very physically well from it. Besides that, I'd read in Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Natural Childbirth that the midwives at the Farm just do glucometer testing and then refer those patients who show elevated blood sugar levels for the actual glucose tolerance testing. I struggled with what to do and tried calling Dana (Andaluz midwife I was set to see the next day for my fiirst appointment), but couldn't reach her. So I ended up calling Jennifer right before I would need to drink the glucose. I was supposed to drink it, then have my blood drawn exactly an hour later. Jennifer said that the glucose would probably have more effect on me than the baby, since my body converts the food I eat into glucose and that is what nourishes the baby anyway. I decided if that was the case that I could just go ahead and do it. He was my main concern.
I chugged the lemon-lime drink (had to drink it all within 5 minutes) and it actually didn't taste as awfully sweet as I was expecting. It reminded me of the Otter Pops I used to eat back in the day. Mmmm. Love those.
I felt okay until I got to Emanuel. Then I noticed a bit of a headache while I was waiting to get my blood drawn, and it also felt like my heart was racing somewhat--nothing terrible, just uncomfortable.
After the blood draw I had my regular appointment with Dr. Stempel. Renee checked my weight (still 144, but she wasn't concerned that I hadn't gained any weight in about a month. She said most women gain the greater part of their pregnancy weight in the last trimester.) and blood pressure (fine).
When the doctor came in, he had a female student with him, but didn't ask me if that was okay. At OHSU, we were always asked before a student(s) entered the room. Maybe Stempel figures if you mind, you'll say something. Anyway, I was fine with it.
He measured my womb and said he thought the baby was head down, his bum on the right side of my abdomen and his legs and feet on the left--which would explain the kicking I almost always feel on that side He also checked the baby's heartbeat which was 130 beats per minute. I asked if that wasn't lower than normal and he said no, that anything from I think about 120-160 was normal at this point. Their litle hearts beat faster earlier on in a pregnancy, which is why I remembe it being 145 and 150 before.
After the quick exam, he asked me if I'd made an appointment yet to see the Emanuel nurse-midwives. I said that I had made an appointment, but with the midwives at Andaluz and that I knew that wasn't what his choice for me would have been. Here's where he surprised me: I explained that I felt comfortable there and that as long as everything kept going smoothly with the pregnancy and everything looked good going into my final weeks, I really wanted to shoot for a waterbirth there. He seemed to agree that that would be fine as long as things continue to look normal. He even made a comment about how in most cases, things go pretty straightforwardly. I took that to mean that they go so straightforwaardly that a hospital birth isn't necessary. I told him that I understood if he wouldn't feel comfortable taking over my car in the event that I need extra help. He got thoughtful (as he has done in visits past) and I jst sat quietly and waited to see what he would say. The student looked a bit uncomfortale, staring looking anywhere but at me or the doctor.
Finally Dr. Stempel said that neither he nor his partners htave ever co-managed prenatal care with the Andaluz midwives, but that he would not be averse to it That way if it ends up that I do need to be in a hospital (or I decide that is where I am most comfortable), he will be in the loop, having continued to see me for regular prenatal visits.
I was so stunned and happy that he would basically offer to do that for me. We decided that I would come back in two weeks (I'm far enough along in my pregnancy that the visits now drop to once every two weeks instead of once a month !) )and he even asked me if I had copies of my records to take to Andaluz. When I admitted sheepishly that I hadn't thought that far ahead, he offered to get them for me so I could take them with me when I left. And then he even ended up making the copies! I think that last part was what really impressed me.
I forgot to mention that when we were discussing the option of a co-managed pregnancy between his office and Andaluz, I said that I really preferred an integrated approach anyway. And he said that he does too. Wow. Could have knocked me over with a feather--but in a very good way.
So that is where we are now . . . and I feel good about having people on my side in both camps: the medical model of care and the midwifery model of care. It really does seem to me that great benefit can come from both sides just working together (as with so many other things in this world). I believe that in general, doctors and midwives both want the same thing: safe births and healthy mothers and babies. And there is at least one doctor in the Portland area who seems to believe that too.
30 Weeks!
Catching up on blog posts . . . this was from last week.
I think it was at 27 or 28 weeks that I mentioned to Michael that I noticed at work one day that if I stand completely straight and look down, I can no longer see my toes for my belly sticking out. I love that. Now it is definitely more apparent that if I want to see my feet while I'm standing, I have to tip my upper body forward and stick my bum out a bit . . . makes me feel like a Weeble, if any of you remember those cool little toys from the eighties. So now we are at 30 weeks . . . actually, as I write this, we are at 30 weeks and 5 days. The weeks seem to be speeding up now that we've passed all the crucial milestones (12 weeks, 24 weeks, etc.). I have been marking off the days to baby's duedate on a calendar at work, and I was more than a little surprised today to see just how little time there is between now and April 23rd. Absolutely incredible.
I remember Eileen telling me that she wanted her pregnancy to slow down because she loved being pregnant so much and she didn't know if she would ever be pregnant again. I find myself feeling that way too (in and among the various pains and discomforts that come with being pregnant). I cannot get over looking at myself in our recently purchased full-length mirror (thanks, IKEA!), and marveling at how my body has changed, and continues to change.
It's been a couple of weeks now that I've noticed the upper part of my abdomen beginning to plump up and fill out with space for Baby . . . and this week I've really noticed that it's quite rounded up top. Yesterday, I caught myself using it as a little ledge to jot notes on a Post-It while I was on the phone. I was reminded of something someone told me once about a very pregnant woman using her abdomen to hold her plate while she ate, and how cool and specific to pregnancy that was. I laughed at myself and wondered what else I will end up using my belly for before too long.
30 weeks and Baby Hoffman is nearly 16 inches long and 3 pounds. He is surrounded by about a pint and a half of amniotic fluid and you know, it baffles me that all that I don't much notice all that extra weight. To think about it, one would think it would feel heavy, but it doesn't for me. My back hurts some and I get aches in places I never thought I would (no one really mentions certain things about pregnancy, do they?), but for the most part, I don't notice the extra pounds.
Our little guy has ventured up a few times into the new space afforded him by my expanding upper abdomen (now the top of my womb), and I feel him kicking (as now while I type) at belly button level. I hope he's loving the room and feeling relaxed and comfortable in there.
I think it was at 27 or 28 weeks that I mentioned to Michael that I noticed at work one day that if I stand completely straight and look down, I can no longer see my toes for my belly sticking out. I love that. Now it is definitely more apparent that if I want to see my feet while I'm standing, I have to tip my upper body forward and stick my bum out a bit . . . makes me feel like a Weeble, if any of you remember those cool little toys from the eighties. So now we are at 30 weeks . . . actually, as I write this, we are at 30 weeks and 5 days. The weeks seem to be speeding up now that we've passed all the crucial milestones (12 weeks, 24 weeks, etc.). I have been marking off the days to baby's duedate on a calendar at work, and I was more than a little surprised today to see just how little time there is between now and April 23rd. Absolutely incredible.
I remember Eileen telling me that she wanted her pregnancy to slow down because she loved being pregnant so much and she didn't know if she would ever be pregnant again. I find myself feeling that way too (in and among the various pains and discomforts that come with being pregnant). I cannot get over looking at myself in our recently purchased full-length mirror (thanks, IKEA!), and marveling at how my body has changed, and continues to change.
It's been a couple of weeks now that I've noticed the upper part of my abdomen beginning to plump up and fill out with space for Baby . . . and this week I've really noticed that it's quite rounded up top. Yesterday, I caught myself using it as a little ledge to jot notes on a Post-It while I was on the phone. I was reminded of something someone told me once about a very pregnant woman using her abdomen to hold her plate while she ate, and how cool and specific to pregnancy that was. I laughed at myself and wondered what else I will end up using my belly for before too long.
30 weeks and Baby Hoffman is nearly 16 inches long and 3 pounds. He is surrounded by about a pint and a half of amniotic fluid and you know, it baffles me that all that I don't much notice all that extra weight. To think about it, one would think it would feel heavy, but it doesn't for me. My back hurts some and I get aches in places I never thought I would (no one really mentions certain things about pregnancy, do they?), but for the most part, I don't notice the extra pounds.
Our little guy has ventured up a few times into the new space afforded him by my expanding upper abdomen (now the top of my womb), and I feel him kicking (as now while I type) at belly button level. I hope he's loving the room and feeling relaxed and comfortable in there.
Visit with Eileen and Sam
Catching up on blog posts; I wrote this draft on 02-08-12.
Saturday I got to spend about four hours chatting and relaxing with Eileen and her new baby, Sam. It was so nice to catch up with her (neither of us could believe it had been almost 2 months since I'd last seen her, which was at her baby shower in December).
Her little boy is so small and so sweet. It always surprises me just how little newborns are, and I don't have a lot of experience with them so I am usually wary of holding them. I feel much more comfortable when they are 6 months of age and up and can at least control those floppy necks and heads more. ;) I did hold Sam, though, and was surprised at how much more solid he seemed in my hands than when I was just watching him with Eileen. It makes me feel a little more confident about holding and caring for my own newborn very shortly now. And Eileen said it's completely different when it's your own baby . . . I have heard this many times before, so I can only assume it's true. :)
I remembered to bring my camera with me to our meeting, but then forgot to take pictures until right before it was time for me to leave. I decided to leave the picture-taking to our next visit, which hopefully won't be too long. We are, as I discovered on my drive to Eileen's house, fairly close neighbors, living within about eight miles of one another. I think we are both looking forward to many visits and playdates in the coming months. I'm so looking forward to our little ones being buddies together.
Saturday I got to spend about four hours chatting and relaxing with Eileen and her new baby, Sam. It was so nice to catch up with her (neither of us could believe it had been almost 2 months since I'd last seen her, which was at her baby shower in December).
Her little boy is so small and so sweet. It always surprises me just how little newborns are, and I don't have a lot of experience with them so I am usually wary of holding them. I feel much more comfortable when they are 6 months of age and up and can at least control those floppy necks and heads more. ;) I did hold Sam, though, and was surprised at how much more solid he seemed in my hands than when I was just watching him with Eileen. It makes me feel a little more confident about holding and caring for my own newborn very shortly now. And Eileen said it's completely different when it's your own baby . . . I have heard this many times before, so I can only assume it's true. :)
I remembered to bring my camera with me to our meeting, but then forgot to take pictures until right before it was time for me to leave. I decided to leave the picture-taking to our next visit, which hopefully won't be too long. We are, as I discovered on my drive to Eileen's house, fairly close neighbors, living within about eight miles of one another. I think we are both looking forward to many visits and playdates in the coming months. I'm so looking forward to our little ones being buddies together.
28 Weeks!
Catching up on blog posts . . . this picture was taken 02-02-12.Here we are at 28 weeks! The baby now weighs about 2.25 pounds (about the weight of a Chinese cabbbage), and is about 14.8 inches long.
He can open and close his eyes now and see light filtering through my womb. His brain is continuing to develop, forming lots of nice creases and wrinkles.
According to Babycenter.com, I should gain around 11 pounds this last trimester. Whoo-hoo!
Thursday, January 26, 2012
27 Weeks!
This week we are finishing off the second trimester and preparing to jump into the third . . . can you believe it??
Our baby can now open and close his eyes, weighs about two pounds and is around 14 and a half inches long. Goodness! He is my little buddy, moving and stirring many times now during the day, keeping me company at work. Sometimes when he's really active and doing what I call his "wave" motion where he makes my stomach undulate with his movements, I just stop what I am doing and watch my belly. I don't want to miss any of this . . . it's already dawning on me that I don't have all that much longer to be pregnant and to share this special time where it's just me and him. And I'm not quite ready to leave this part behind yet.
At work I've noticed I get a lot more looks than I used to--perfect strangers smile at me when they see me and my belly coming. A couple people have said, "I bet you're having a boy!" and then they've been so happy when I've confirmed their hunch. One man said, "I knew it! You carry just like my wife did--all up front!" I wanted to ask him how else you carry than up front, but didn't. Maybe he meant that the baby is centered in my body instead of being stretched across it? Not sure. It was funny though, and I love that people can tell now without a doubt that I am pregnant. Although Michael told me yesterday that one of the guys we work with told him he just realized I am pregnant about two weeks ago. Funny. But it's an engineering company, so I guess you can't really blame him. His mind is filled with calculations and formulas and designs for upcoming projects. And suddenly, one day there I am with a big pregnant belly. Must have been something of a shock for him. :)
What else? I talk to the baby a lot, and sing to him as we drive home from work. I sing little made-up songs about how we're going home to see Papa and have dinner, about how much we love him and what a good job he's doing growing strong and healthy. Some days he stirs more than kicks and I pat or rub my belly if I haven't heard from him in an hour or two, just to get some movement back. Other days he "talks" all day, wiggling and kicking. I love those days.
So far we have the baby's crib and today the mattress we ordered was waiting on the front porch when we got home from work. This weekend we plan to buy his carseat and I am such a lucky girl that I already have two baby showers lined up for us: one on February 18th, thrown by my high school friends, and the other on March 4th, given by the baby's two eager grandmas. I'm sure this little guy will have plenty of wonderful things waiting for him when he arrives in April. But at least he will have a place to sleep and a way to get home after his birth. :)
How I love him.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Childbirth Class at Andaluz
Last Saturday, Michael and I attended a four-hour childbirth class at the Portland Andaluz location. I feel very lucky that we were able to make the class, because if we had missed it, I don't think we would have been able to attend another one there before our baby makes his arrival in April.
I think it was last Tuesday or Wednesday I had the thought that I should check their class calendar and get us signed up (SO many things I feel like I need to do now with only about three months left before Baby), and when I looked I was excited to see that they had a six-week class beginning on January 19th from 7-9 in the evening. The cost was only about $65 for both mom and partner. It sounded very reasonable. The only problem was that Michael has been really busy at work lately with a very big project and he said he didn't think he could guarantee that he would be able to attend the class with me each Thursday evening--most of the time he never knows just when he will be able to leave work. It's not the first time that our particular line of work has interfered with things we would like to do, but that's the way it is for now. There was always the option of the Saturday class, and luckily, there was still space for us. Phew.
We were one of five other couples in attendance when the class began, but were later joined by two more couples, so it was a good turnout, really. The class was held in an upstairs room at Andaluz decorated with plush couches and beautiful paintings of women with babies and children.
The instructor, Dana, is one of the midwives there. She began by lighting a candle for the unborn babies in attendance, saying that it is something she always does, as they are able to hear her voice and may very well be able to sense what is going on. I thought it was a very sweet and respectful thing to do.
We talked about the anatomy of birth (just what has to happen where for the baby to make his / her appearance vaginally), and I learned a few interesting facts. One is that the space the baby's head goes through in the pelvis is pretty much the same no matter how big one's hips might be. Two is that every minute, one gallon of blood is pumped by my body to the baby's placenta. Dang! No wonder I am so tired all the time. :)
Much time was spent on trying out labor positions. I tried draping myself over a birth ball (not my favorite although I did like sitting on it), sitting on a type of metal stool that was half-moon shaped (really comfortable even though it didn't look like it would be), and climbing into one of the lovely, huge tubs with the tallest and widest sides I have ever seen. Michael climbed in behind me as instructed (both of us fully clothed), and there was still plenty of room between us and the sides of the tub. I knew I would love, love, love to relax in that tub while in labor.
We learned a Lamaze breathing exercise (which I didn't really take to, but at least have tried), and did a guided relaxation / visualization exercise that was very soothing. Moms and birth partners both participated in a labor exercise involving holding bags of ice for one minute "contractions." I think it was designed to show you if you would rather have someone talking to you to distract you while experiencing something uncomfortable or painful, if you would rather be left alone and to your own devices, or whether you would rather be moving around. Michael and I both chose the latter as our favorite, although the being left alone option was also appealing. Dana said we will likely shift through all three when dealing with the sensations of labor. I was glad to know there are so many things I can try . . . I'm sure I'll find something that will feel just right when I am in labor.
We ended the class by watching a Russian waterbirth video which was both beautiful and interesting. There is a place in Russia where people go to give birth to their children in the ocean. I'm not sure it would be what I would choose, but it was neat to see families welcoming their babies smack dab in the middle of Mother Nature. I joked with Michael that even if we wanted to, that would not work here as the Pacific is much too freezing cold to allow for anything like that. :)
All in all, it was a lovely class and I am very glad we were able to attend. Being at Andaluz reminded me again of just how much I like it there--how safe and supported I feel, how much it resonates with me and with how I feel about birth as it pertains to me.
I think it was last Tuesday or Wednesday I had the thought that I should check their class calendar and get us signed up (SO many things I feel like I need to do now with only about three months left before Baby), and when I looked I was excited to see that they had a six-week class beginning on January 19th from 7-9 in the evening. The cost was only about $65 for both mom and partner. It sounded very reasonable. The only problem was that Michael has been really busy at work lately with a very big project and he said he didn't think he could guarantee that he would be able to attend the class with me each Thursday evening--most of the time he never knows just when he will be able to leave work. It's not the first time that our particular line of work has interfered with things we would like to do, but that's the way it is for now. There was always the option of the Saturday class, and luckily, there was still space for us. Phew.
We were one of five other couples in attendance when the class began, but were later joined by two more couples, so it was a good turnout, really. The class was held in an upstairs room at Andaluz decorated with plush couches and beautiful paintings of women with babies and children.
The instructor, Dana, is one of the midwives there. She began by lighting a candle for the unborn babies in attendance, saying that it is something she always does, as they are able to hear her voice and may very well be able to sense what is going on. I thought it was a very sweet and respectful thing to do.
We talked about the anatomy of birth (just what has to happen where for the baby to make his / her appearance vaginally), and I learned a few interesting facts. One is that the space the baby's head goes through in the pelvis is pretty much the same no matter how big one's hips might be. Two is that every minute, one gallon of blood is pumped by my body to the baby's placenta. Dang! No wonder I am so tired all the time. :)
Much time was spent on trying out labor positions. I tried draping myself over a birth ball (not my favorite although I did like sitting on it), sitting on a type of metal stool that was half-moon shaped (really comfortable even though it didn't look like it would be), and climbing into one of the lovely, huge tubs with the tallest and widest sides I have ever seen. Michael climbed in behind me as instructed (both of us fully clothed), and there was still plenty of room between us and the sides of the tub. I knew I would love, love, love to relax in that tub while in labor.
We learned a Lamaze breathing exercise (which I didn't really take to, but at least have tried), and did a guided relaxation / visualization exercise that was very soothing. Moms and birth partners both participated in a labor exercise involving holding bags of ice for one minute "contractions." I think it was designed to show you if you would rather have someone talking to you to distract you while experiencing something uncomfortable or painful, if you would rather be left alone and to your own devices, or whether you would rather be moving around. Michael and I both chose the latter as our favorite, although the being left alone option was also appealing. Dana said we will likely shift through all three when dealing with the sensations of labor. I was glad to know there are so many things I can try . . . I'm sure I'll find something that will feel just right when I am in labor.
We ended the class by watching a Russian waterbirth video which was both beautiful and interesting. There is a place in Russia where people go to give birth to their children in the ocean. I'm not sure it would be what I would choose, but it was neat to see families welcoming their babies smack dab in the middle of Mother Nature. I joked with Michael that even if we wanted to, that would not work here as the Pacific is much too freezing cold to allow for anything like that. :)
All in all, it was a lovely class and I am very glad we were able to attend. Being at Andaluz reminded me again of just how much I like it there--how safe and supported I feel, how much it resonates with me and with how I feel about birth as it pertains to me.
24 Week Appointment
Two Fridays ago now, I met with Dr. Stempel for another prenatal appointment. The usual things were checked: my blood pressure (normal), my weight (144--normal), my pee (normal). I was given the results of my most recent TSH and T4 bloodtest and told that the numbers were good--not too high, not too low. He measured the height of my uterus and then searched for the baby's heartbeat. It took a little looking, as the doctor started in the middle of my belly, which is where the baby usually hangs out at my visits. We heard nothing. Then the doctor moved the Doppler to the left side of my belly. Again, nothing. I told the doctor, half-laughing, that I had just felt him moving quite a bit before coming to the appointment. "Oh, he's there," Dr. Stempel replied, moving the Doppler to the right side of my belly, and sure enough, there were the sounds of the steadily beating little heart. The baby was hunkered down to one side, close to where his placenta attaches to the wall of my womb. His heartbeat was 150 beats per minute--perfect.
After the brief exam was over, I talked with the doctor for several minutes as I had come prepared with some questions for him. My main concern was getting a referral to the group of nurse-midwives who routinely help women with waterbirth at Emanuel. Dr. Stempel confirmed that yes, I was still a candidate for waterbirth, (although he expressed again his wonder at why I would ever want such a thing). I told him that I was trying to decide between a waterbirth at Emanuel and one at Andaluz (the very beautiful birthing center that Michael and I toured when I was around 16 weeks pregnant).
We then had quite a discussion about why Dr. Stempel thinks giving birth to my baby anyplace other than the hospital is unsafe, and, as he hinted rather obviously, would be taking chances with the health of my baby. He referred a couple of times to how "you wouldn't ride in a car without your seatbelt, would you?" I agreed that I would not, but didn't remind him there are still risks to riding in a car, even when wearing your seatbelt.
He told me some other things, which I'm not going to mention here, about Andaluz. For one thing, I only know his side of the story and for another, I know that as a medical doctor, he is perhaps a bit predisposed to thinking birth anywhere outside the walls of a hospital is unsafe.
What it comes down to is that it is my decision, ultimately, and I need to be where I feel the most comfortable. What is tough is not letting the opinions of others (especially medical personnel, whom I tend to let intimidate me), influence me too much. Sadly, I have been more of a "pleaser" in my life than a girl who stands up for what she believes in no matter what. Having this baby may just be that most important thing in my life that pushes me to grow and change . . . and really, if not now, then when?
After the brief exam was over, I talked with the doctor for several minutes as I had come prepared with some questions for him. My main concern was getting a referral to the group of nurse-midwives who routinely help women with waterbirth at Emanuel. Dr. Stempel confirmed that yes, I was still a candidate for waterbirth, (although he expressed again his wonder at why I would ever want such a thing). I told him that I was trying to decide between a waterbirth at Emanuel and one at Andaluz (the very beautiful birthing center that Michael and I toured when I was around 16 weeks pregnant).
We then had quite a discussion about why Dr. Stempel thinks giving birth to my baby anyplace other than the hospital is unsafe, and, as he hinted rather obviously, would be taking chances with the health of my baby. He referred a couple of times to how "you wouldn't ride in a car without your seatbelt, would you?" I agreed that I would not, but didn't remind him there are still risks to riding in a car, even when wearing your seatbelt.
He told me some other things, which I'm not going to mention here, about Andaluz. For one thing, I only know his side of the story and for another, I know that as a medical doctor, he is perhaps a bit predisposed to thinking birth anywhere outside the walls of a hospital is unsafe.
What it comes down to is that it is my decision, ultimately, and I need to be where I feel the most comfortable. What is tough is not letting the opinions of others (especially medical personnel, whom I tend to let intimidate me), influence me too much. Sadly, I have been more of a "pleaser" in my life than a girl who stands up for what she believes in no matter what. Having this baby may just be that most important thing in my life that pushes me to grow and change . . . and really, if not now, then when?
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