37 Week Prenatal at Andaluz

Tuesday I had my 37 week appointment with Dana (back from her month off), her apprentice, Isabelle, and Jennifer, who will be my doula and  assistant midwife at the birth.  The very cool thing about this appointment is that Michael was able to go with me.  I think the last appointment he went to was the 20 week ultrasound.  It's not that he doesn't want to be there; it's just really tough for him to get away from work.  And not much usually happens at the appointments anyway: I get weighed, my BP gets taken,, I pee in a cup, etc.  The best part is always hearing the baby's heart beat. 

But this appointment was different because Dana was back and he hadn't seen or spoken with her since the childbirth class we took back in January.  Even more importantly, it was the last time before the baby's birth that he would have a chance to meet Jennifer, as she lives on the coast and doesn't get to Portland all that often.  I thought the appointment went really well.  The five of us sat in a circle and talked a lot about the birth plan that Michael and I put together, and also about some of my fears surrounding labor and birth. 

These last two and half weeks that I have been free from work, I have been trying to prepare myself mentally for our big day.  I've been reading from Birthing from Within, by Pam England, which I've found to be a great resource.  There are numerous exercises to choose from that help a woman and her partner explore their thoughts and feelings around birth, tips on what one might expect during a hospital birth versus a home birth and many, many suggestions on pain coping techniques for labor.

I've also read birth stories in Ina May Gaskin's book, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, (thanks, Christi!) and have likewise found it to be an invaluable resource.  One of my biggest fears around labor has been that the baby might get stuck on his way out.  The other day I read story after story of babies who had gotten temporarily stuck due to shoulder dystocia (where the head is born, but then the shoulders have trouble coming through), and Ina May and the other midwives would simply have the woman move to a hands and knees position. In every case, the baby's shoulders had no problem slipping through once this change in position had occurred.  It was very comforting to know that a simple change in a laboring woman's position could shift her pelvic bones enough to open up even more space for her baby.

I'm not going to lie . . . I've been nervous about the pain of labor and of how I will handle it.  My biggest concern is that it will be like the menstrual pain I've had with endometriosis--awful, awful, awful.  I've had a few twinges of that pain here and there lately.  At times I think it could be from the baby inadvertently bumping one of my cysts, but I notice it most when I am having a strong Braxton-Hicks contraction.  I've read stories of other women with endo who have said that labor pain was nothing compared with the pain they'd had for years with their monthly cycles, and I am hoping very much that that will prove true for me too. And if it doesn't . . . well, I tell myself at least there will be spaces between the pain where I can rest.  When I've had endo pain with its accompanying symptoms (nausea, vomiting, diarrhea), there has been no break for the duration of the "attack."  Granted, in my experience endo pain attacks never lasted as long as labor will, but I think having at least a minute of rest between contractions /rushes will help a great deal.

My hugest, biggest fear around labor and birth has always been for the baby.  It's the unknown and for someone (me) who feels most comfortable around things she can control, having to surrender to the process and trust that what she wants most (safe birth of healthy baby), will take place.  I found some great affirmations from a doula service website in South Africa: http://www.birthbuddy.wordpress.com/, and have written down my favorites.  My plan is to read them aloud at least once a day until the birth and maybe have someone try reading them to me during labor too.  Words hold the most power for me, and I'm hoping they will work their magic to bolster my confidence that everything will go just as it should.

Dana gave me an exercise to try as well: birth art exploring fear.  With your non-dominant hand you draw your greatest labor and birth-related fear in a dark color.  When you've got that done,you switch hands and use other colors to draw images or write words in the four corners of your paper that will help you, should that greatest fear come to pass.  I did this exercise yesterday and I think it was helpful.  I cried while I did the first part, but felt much better as I did the second part.  And feeling better was surprising to me because I really didn't think there would be anything that could comfort me should my greatest fear happen.  I guess maybe that is the point of the exercise: it shows you that you are stronger than you think.

The technical part of my prenatal visit went well.  My BP and pulse were fine, urine was fine, and my weight was up a half pound from last week's visit with Katherine.  The baby measured well (my little basketball belly) and his heart tones sounded great as usual.  Now I just need for him to get a little bigger and a little stronger for his journey to the outside world to meet us. 

It won' t be long now and I am so looking forward to seeing his face for the very first time.