Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Dr. Patton is Cool :)

I'm happy to report that Michael and I both really enjoyed our appointment at OHSU today with Dr. Patton.  He was friendly, attentive and seemed genuinely interested in us (as were all of the staff members we met or who helped us).  I was truly impressed with them!

Dr. Patton reviewed our medical history and most recent testing and then explained the IVF process very clearly, making sure we understood everything and that our questions were fully answered.  I told him that I am most apprehensive of taking the fertility drugs, since I didn't feel like myself toward the end of the Clomiphene Challenge test (I described it to him as "PMS x 100).  He assured me that Clomid is worse in that respect in comparison with the fertility drugs that I will be taking with IVF.  I guess they don't have as many side effects since they are a "pure" drug and Clomid is made in the laboratory and is very concentrated to stimulate FSH production.

After we met with the doctor, we met with the IVF coordinator who went over our next steps while Michael and I tried our best to keep up.  To put it succinctly, there are a whole lot of blood and ultrasound tests in my future!  :)  We're talking 2-4 injections per day, plus trips to the clinic for blood tests and ultrasounds every 1-3 days to monitor my hormone levels and developing follicles.  But I feel ready, so it's okay.  And I feel strongly supported by all of you and by our families; it helps tremendously to have that kind of support when gearing up for something as intense as this.

The next step for us will be for me to call when I begin my period (in about a week), and go in for a trial transfer, during which they will inject pure saline into me to make sure the catheter can pass through my cervix and that there are no polyps or fibroids.  Although now that I think about it, I should ask about the necessity for the test since I had the hysterosalpingogram last August which showed a normal uterus, and ORM said the test was good for 1 year.  If I do end up having the test, they will also measure the depth of my uterus and "map" the area in preparation for egg retrieval.

Besides all that, I need to go in for a thyroid level check in 2 weeks and Michael and I both have to get STD testing before we can start IVF.  So I'm glad we got in when we did instead of waiting for the May 10th appointment with Eileen's doctor . . . it would be another month that we would have to wait.  As it looks now, if all goes smoothly, potentially we could be doing IVF in June!

And getting pregnant then would be an amazingly sweet birthday gift indeed.

Monday, April 18, 2011

OHSU Appointment Tomorrow

Tomorrow morning at 8a.m. is our first appointment with Dr. Phillip Patton at Oregon Health Sciences University.  I am excited (again!) and nervous (again!), but mostly excited.  :)  Basically, I think we will hear the same things we did from Dr. Hesla . . . that IVF with ICSI is the way to go for us, and I am ready for that.  One thing that will be different this time around is that we will have a 30 minute financial consult after our hour-long appointment.  ORM didn't offer anything to try to help make treatments affordable except for their "Our Promise" plan which we don't qualify for (because my Day 10 FSH level, while still normal, is "too high").  But that's okay.  I think maybe we were meant to work with the folks at OHSU anyway--maybe they will have a financing option that is just right for us.

I didn't blog last week about how things ended with ORM, but in case you are wondering, I did call last Wednesday and talk to the office manager there.  I was very polite, yet still managed to explain just how and why we feel the way we do.  Dr. Hesla called me that evening as I was leaving work.  He didn't mention anything that I had spoken with the office manager about, but instead said he just wanted to give me the final results of the Clomiphene Challenge test and his recommendation for us.  Not surprisingly, he said that we are very good candidates for IVF, since I still have a good number of eggs.  And he mentioned again that we could always try an insemination although he guessed our chances of conceiving would be about 4%. 

I told him that I thought he had said IVF was the way we should go from the beginning and he said that some women choose to do an insemination when they take the Clomiphene Challenge test, since they are already taking a fertility drug and the chances of conception are slightly higher than normal.  He added that we could have used it to check the number and quality of Michael's sperm and seemed to think that this had been an option from the start despite the fact that neither Michael nor I remember that being discussed during our initial consult.  No matter.  We are moving onward and upward. 

My hope for this appointment with Dr. Patton is simply that Michael and I both like him and feel comfortable with him, and that he is genuinely interested in our specific case and communicates clearly about the treatment plan he thinks is best.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Ahhh, Qigong.

Today I went to a much-needed "Nurturing Woman Qigong" class, held at the Oregon College of Oriental Medicine campus in SE Portland.  Eileen found the listing for it a month or so ago and asked me if I wanted to take it with her.  She figured it would be good for us because it is a form of qigong that is calming and helps one turn inward for balance.  It also supports and nurtures a woman's reproductive organs, and that is right up both our alleys.

It was a three-hour class (9a.m. to 1p.m.), and sitting here 3 and a half hours after it ended, I am still feeling relaxed and centered.  I think what I liked most about the class was that it was mostly hands-on, with minimal lecture involved.  The instructor, Julie Porter (who, by the way, has the most amazing, calming voice I think I have ever heard), gave us a brief lesson on qi and on the aspects of yin and yang so that we would be able to better understand the reasoning behind some of the qigong movements, hand positions, etc.  For the most part, we just practiced the form, over and over, and eventually, Julie had us do it on our own, so that we would feel confident we remembered how to do it once the class was over.

We also got a spiral notebook on the history of the form and specific instructions on how to do each part of it.  Eileen and I are both excited about having this tool that only takes about 20 minutes a day; it will be great to start using it and hopefully it will help us navigate some potentially emotionally and physically challenging times ahead in IVF Land. 

Once again, I feel like I have come back to myself, back to my center.  And I had a good reminder today when I was at the class.  Julie told us that it will work best for us, in facilitating our healing (emotional, physical, mental, spiritual), if we can approach doing the form with the intention of getting centered--no goal other than that.  I've been hearing the same message from a great fertility affirmations CD that my acupuncturist Jelena loaned me.  Basically you set your intention, you invite what you would like to happen, and then you let go of your expectations of how and when it will happen: I release the need to know when.  I release the need to know how.

It's certainly not easy, but I can understand how doing something with a sole purpose in mind (like getting pregnant) can lessen or completely negate any positive effects what we are doing may have, just because we are holding on so hard to the notion of what we want, hoping so hard, not letting ourselves open to what is the most right thing for us.


Anyway, I am grateful for this class today, for Julie and the wise, peaceful energy that just radiated from her, for Eileen who is beginning her IVF injections tonight, and for all women past, present and future; it sounds odd, but I feel like I connected with them all today just by coming back to myself and to my center.

Namaste.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Changing Clinics

It's now the third day since I was SO angry with Oregon Reproductive Medicine, and now I am just mostly sad and disappointed.  I still haven't called them yet, as it's been hard finding a good time and place to call from work, but I'm planning to call them this morning before I go in.  Hopefully they will agree to transfer my test results to OHSU Fertility Consultants because we have an appointment scheduled for next Tuesday (!) with Dr. Phillip Patton.

Initially, I was hoping to schedule with Dr. David Lee because my friend Eileen sees and really likes him, but his first available appointment wasn't until May 10th and I'd rather not wait another month.  Eileen said that she has a friend who saw Dr. Patton and liked him a lot, so we will give him a try.  If we don't feel like we "click," it shouldn't be too hard to switch doctors since they are in the same clinic.  But I am hoping that we really like him and feel comfortable under his care.  I'll  keep you posted!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Clomiphene Challenge Part II: The Honeymoon is Definitely Over

The anticipation and sense of moving forward that I felt after our first meeting with Dr. Hesla at Oregon Reproductive Medicine wavered at our second meeting when he mentioned artificial insemination after we'd already established that invitrofertilization would be the best option for us, wobbled even more on Wednesday when I had my second blood draw and finally came crashing down around my ears today, on Day 10 of my cycle, the last day of the Clomiphene Challenge.

 I am so very angry as I sit typing this blog post, and I know that a good part of what I am feeling is due to my jacked-up hormone level from the Clomid, but still I feel that we have not been treated well at ORM and I refuse to let it slide anymore. I'll back up a few days and blog about my experience there last Wednesday--which I initially decided not to blog about because I decided that perhaps it was just an honest mistake and that just maybe, I was jumping to conclusions and being overly judgmental (something I know is true about myself and which I am trying very hard to change).

So . . .Wednesday I was scheduled at the Barnes road office for a 1p.m. blood draw. Since it is just a hop, skip and a jump down Hwy 26 from our office in Hillsboro, I figured I should certainly be able to make it there and back within my one hour lunch break. I was sadly mistaken. I walked in the office at 1p.m. and gave my name to the receptionist. I can't remember if I told her I was there for a blood draw, but did tell her the time of my appointment. She instructed me to have a seat and said that someone would be with me shortly. I was the only person in the waiting room, so I didn't think I would be there long. I closed my eyes and practiced breathing deeply. I opened them when the door opened and another couple walked in to the office.

The woman checked herself in with the receptionist and was taken back after only a few minutes of waiting. When the nurse came to get her, I noticed that it was the same nurse I had had the previous Sunday for my initial blood draw--as well as the nurse who'd taken my vitals during the initial consult two weeks earlier. She saw me and smiled and said, "I'll be back for you in just a minute." I thought, "Great! She obviously remembers me, and I'll be out of here in a jiffy."

Now it was just her husband / partner and me in the waiting room. We flipped through magazines and I continued trying to be patient. It couldn't be much longer, right? After all, I was only here for a blood draw. The door opened (finally!) and the nurse looked at me and gestured to come back (I was still the only woman in the office), so naturally, I assumed she meant me, still assuming, from our previous two experiences together, that she knew who I was. Can you see where this is going? I jumped up and asked her how she was.

As I passed through the doorway into the back office area, and she answered my question, I could have sworn she called me "Julianne." The next words out of her mouth confirmed my suspicion. "I'd like you to just empty your bladder before I show you into the examing room."

 I raised my eyebrows. "For a blood draw?"

Then I saw recognition in her eyes and she became flustered. Now at this point I really wasn't angry about the mix-up (it came later, the more I thought about it). Mostly I felt embarrassed for her, and wondered if I had done something to lead her to believe I was the patient she thought I was--Julianne. I ended up going back out into the waiting room to wait again. Several more minutes passed and then a different nurse came for me and took me back to draw my blood. I was finished in about three minutes and headed for the car, still mostly bemused and thinking what I would say to Michael who was waiting for me.

We talked about it and thought it was definitely odd, especially since I had seen the nurse twice already and we'd had quite a conversation the last time. (She revealed that we share the same last name and was asking me if I have family in Minnesota. I do, but they are from my mom's side of the family, not Michael's.)

Anyway, Michael and I ended up getting back to work 70 minutes after we'd left and I was feeling more upset that the office clearly suffered from a lack of communication among their staff. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered. Was this an indication of future events? Did I really trust these folks with processes as complicated as 1) egg retrieval 2) injection of sperm into egg and 3) transfer of embryo into uterus? I mean, did I? My gut, which had begun whispering that maybe this was not the place for us when Dr. Hesla did not remember why we were there, started getting louder. I told Michael that I would give them one more shot, and if I still felt that they didn't know us or our specific situation, I would switch to OHSU.

Initially, he wondered why I would switch. "Aren't they the best?" he asked. I told him that while they have a very good track record with IVF, if I didn't feel comfortable with them, I would never be able to go through it there--not with something as rigorous both physically and emotionally as IVF. I figured that we could always get the results of the Clomiphene Challenge and take them elsewhere . . . we hadn't signed any papers yet with them or even really been taken on as candidates for IVF. That is what the Clomid test was supposed to determine.

So I went into today trying to have an open mind. I was sure that 10a.m. was my appointment time. I was wrong--it was an 8:15a.m. appointment. I got a call from ORM at 8:30a.m. asking where I was and if I was coming in today. Now this part I take responsibility for, since I didn't write down the time when the appointment was made. I also didn't get a reminder card or a reminder call Friday or yesterday, but I don't really hold that against them. What I hold against them is not taking the time to read my chart and refresh their memories as to why I am coming to their clinic and why I am paying them a whole lot of money to check my blood and my reproductive organs.

 I had the blood draw and was told that I would get the results later today. Fine. I got a call from them at 11:00a.m. but let it go to voicemail because I wasn't ready to talk to them on the phone. Mostly I wasn't ready to find out what my Day 10 FSH level was. I wasn't ready until about 5:00p.m. When I listened to the message, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I ended up going back and listening to it 2 more times, once with Michael.

 The nurse gave me my FSH level (12.38, which is fine since it just has to be under 13), and then proceeded to tell me in a very cheery voice that my next step would be to go buy some ovulation kits (the kind with the smiley face) and begin checking my 2nd urine of the morning tomorrow (Day 11). As soon as I got the smiley face, the indicator of my LH surge, I was to call the office to schedule my insemination. Yes, that's right, folks, my insemination.

 I was floored, flabbergasted and angrier than I ever remember being about much of anything. I said some choice words, and called my mom where I told her everything and gave her a preview of what I plan on telling someone at ORM tomorrow when I call them. Then I called my friend Eileen (who is also on track for IVF) and left her a message, and then I called my best friend Lindsey and left her a message. I was beyond steamed--firstly, because this was the second time the staff thought I was coming in for a treatment other than the treatment outlined during my initial consult, and secondly, that it was the third time in four visits that I felt like the staff did not know who we are.

So. Needless to say, we will not be pursuing the building of our family with Oregon Reproductive Medicine. Tomorrow I will call OHSU and see if we can get on the books for an initial consult. And I will call ORM and give them a piece of my flaming mind.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Clomiphene Challenge Part I

Last Sunday was the third day of my period, and the day that Dr. Hesla wanted me to come in to begin the Clomiphene Challenge. My appointment was bright and early at 8:00AM, and I am pretty sure that I was their first patient of the day. A nurse (the same one that took my vitals at my initial appointment a couple of weeks ago), drew my blood and then showed me into an examining room to get ready for the ultrasound. I assumed that a technician would be performing the ultrasound, and so was a bit surprised when Dr. Hesla walked in and said that he would be doing it. It makes sense though, to have him do the ultrasound so that he knows exactly what we are dealing with. He described everything he was seeing, both for my benefit as well as for an accurate record. A staff member stood nearby taking down information on a clipboard. He looked at my uterus first, and as usual, it was just fine (go, uterus!). The right ovary was next, and this time, I figured out that the large gray image on the screen was not supposed to be there. It was the biggest cyst he found and although I don't remember the exact measurements, the first number he said was 40mm, which Michael says is about 2 inches. The left ovary had several smaller cysts associated with it, and Dr. Hesla measured them all. Next he said he was going to see how many follicles he could find and count them. I hoped he would find a lot as that would indicate that I still have functioning ovaries, despite the cysts. Dr. Hesla found 6 follicles in the right ovary and 2 follicles in the left. And while I have no idea what the average number of follicles that develop each month might be, I think 8 is not too shabby for a girl with cysts. :) The only thing that really took me aback during the visit was Dr. Hesla saying that with my level of endometriosis, he wouldn't normally recommend IUI (artificial insemination). I was pretty sure we had gone over that during our initial consult and that everyone had agreed IUI was out and Michael and I would go straight to IVF if we seemed like good candidates. I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt that he brings IUI up with every couple, as an option when taking the Clomiphene Challenge, but a part of me felt like he didn't remember us or hadn't taken the time to refresh his memory by looking through our file before the appointment. I am probably more than a little spoiled by eastern medicine and other natural health care modalities. I think I just have to come to terms with the fact that western medicine is not bad--just different, and that even though I might not get the same personalized attention from my fertility doctor as I do from my Chinese medicine doctor, that doesn't mean one is better than the other. I have to remember that both people are working in my best interest. After the ultrasound, I was free to go. I headed over to a Starbucks for breakfast and to write down my thoughts about the morning's appointment. By the time I left, about 10:30AM, I had already gotten a call back from the doctor's office with my blood test results. My FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) level was 9.79, which was fine. It just has to be less than 13 to be considered "good." My Estradiol (type of estrogen) level was fine too at 49. My TSH level was slightly elevated at 3.82. The nurse explained that if I looked it up online, I would likely find that it's a "normal" level, but that Dr. Hesla likes it to be 2.5 0r less before pregnancy occurs. He wants me to take 25mcg of Levothyroxine a day, which I was not all that happy about at first. I told the nurse that I used to take Naturthroid, a natural thyroid supplement which was prescribed by my naturopath, but she let me know in no uncertain terms that their office does not endorse the use of supplements. So . . . I will play by the rules and take the pills. If it brings me closer to my child(ren), then I am happy to do it. I can always make other choices later. I started taking the Clomid today and will take it through Saturday. Then I'll go back in on Sunday for another blood test to determine my FSH level once again. After the results are in, Dr. Hesla will give us his opinion on where we should go from here. I am excited to find out. P. S. Tomorrow I have yet another blood test to measure my level of AMH (Anti-Mullerian hormone), which will be another indicator of how well my ovaries are working.