Waiting . . .

We are waiting to hear from OHSU about Michael's most recent test results and about applying for IVF financing.  I emailed them Sunday and again on Tuesday but haven't received any emails back yet, although their approximate response time is two business days.  Dr. Patton did call Tuesday (at the one time when I didn't have my phone with me), with Michael's results, but he didn't leave a message telling me what they were.  I called them this morning when I didn't hear anything yesterday, and as of right now I am still waiting. 

Eileen says they are slow to respond and that I just have to keep calling.  She says that once your IVF program has begun it's much better.  I hope so!

Since we haven't heard back from OHSU yet, and my period is almost certain to begin tomorrow, I think we will be waiting another month to officially begin an IVF cycle.  It's disappointing, as I was all geared up for June, but I guess I waited too long to contact them.

On the other hand, waiting will give me a chance to have a couple of Mayan abdominal massage sessions with the lady I saw 3 years ago, Corrine Porterfield.  When I had the trial transfer a couple weeks ago, the doctor said that my uterus was not centered and was retroverted (tipped).  I know that a session or two of abdominal massage will most likely get my womb in just the right place for optimal implantation when we do IVF, and I know I will feel better knowing I have done really all I can to get my body ready.  My appointment is scheduled for June 9th, and while I wait I have been trying to do the abdominal self-massage that I learned when I saw Corrine before, as well as castor oil pack treatments. 

I finally found out more about how the packs are supposed to work: a doctor replied to an online castor oil pack discussion and said that while the oil itself is too viscous to really penetrate deeply into the body, the combination of the oil with heat from a hot water bottle or heating pad brings hundreds of white blood cells to the area to help heal whatever is not right.  I love that!  Plus, it's very comforting to relax with something warm on your belly, while you sneak in a little reading.  :)  You don't use them during pregnancy, and generally not while having your period, but they are supposedly very good during the rest of the month for helping with things like endometriosis, uterine fibroids, etc.

I've been trying to do either a castor oil pack treatment or qigong every day--sometimes both if I can fit it in.  So most likely, June will be a continuation of prep on my part to get my body as ready as I can for our big adventure.  I'm also hoping to get at least one more hiking or backpacking trip in before we begin our IVF cycle.  I felt so happy, peaceful and calm-yet also invigorated-when we hiked at Mt. St. Helens last week.

Must find a way to get more of that feeling into my everyday life.

High Numbers for Eileen

Just a note to let you know that Eileen's second blood test (yesterday) showed that her hormone levels are increasing as expected during pregnancy.  It is really happening for her!  I think she is beginning to get excited as the reality of finally being pregnant is starting to sink in.  Happy times, indeed.  :)

Eileen's Happy News

Thanks so much to all of you who have been thinking of Eileen during this month's IVF cycle.  She went in today for her first blood test since the embryo transfer, and she got a positive result.  So amazing.  She is "cautiously optimistic," as she put it when she gave me the news, not wanting to get too excited yet in case things don't keep progressing.

But I have a very good feeling that they will keep progressing.  From the first time Eileen and I talked about using IVF to get to our babies (many months ago), my intuition has told me that it would be a successful path for her.  And I am so very glad that this is proving to be the case.  She has been trying to conceive for a long time (about 3 years, I think), and she has done so much work to prepare her body: self-massage, acupuncture, herbs, yoga, qigong.  I'm glad to see that it is paying off for her.

She has another blood test on Monday.  Please continue to keep her in your thoughts and prayers . . . she needs  "high numbers" on her test results.

<3

Pre-IVF To-Do List Complete

Michael and I each had an appointment today at OHSU.  His was a semen analysis with (hopefully!) a frozen sperm sample to be used in case of emergency later on down the road to IVF.  The plan is that he will give a fresh sample on the day that I have my eggs retrieved, and they will use the fresh sperm to fertilize the eggs, but just in case the numbers and quality don't look so hot, they will have the backup frozen sperm to use instead. 

I had a trial transfer and a saline infusion sonogram to make sure that my uterus is clear and that the tube they will use passes easily through my cervix (yes on both counts).  The doctor also took measurements of my uterus, ovaries and the cysts.  Dr. Paula Amato performed the procedure, while a resident looked on (since it is a teaching hospital, they often ask if it's okay for a resident to be present), and a nurse guided the ultrasound wand.  I should clarify here that at OHSU all of the fertility doctors work together and confer on each patient's case and they fill in for each other.  Since Dr. Patton wasn't available, Dr. Amato did my procedure which I was totally okay with.  She counted the number of follicles and said that she saw 6 on each ovary . . . 12 total without any fertility drugs at all is not bad, and is better than the 8 that I had with the Clomiphene Challenge.  However, as I learned last week, just because there is a follicle doesn't mean it contains an egg.  I guess that's why they try to get as many follicles as possible with the fertility drug stimulation--they are hoping to wind up with a good number of mature eggs.

We should get Michael's test results in a few days, and since we both also had blood work done this past week, we have now completed all of OHSU's IVF prerequisites.  My thyroid check showed a decrease in my TSH level (down to 1.71), so I think that qualifies me to go ahead with IVF.  The next step then will be to apply for financing, and once approved, we will meet with the IVF coordinator to go over cycle dates, sign consent forms and learn how to do the injections.  Then it will be on to the drugs, retrieval and transfer.

It's getting more and more real.  Keep your fingers crossed for us!

Good News So Far

All of your good wishes and prayers must have worked, because Eileen told me yesterday that OHSU transferred two embryos and froze the other three.  :)  They did indeed grow in the lab and were of good enough quality to pass OHSU's standards for transfer and cryopreservation.

Now she has to navigate the waters of "the two-week wait," which I imagine must be all kinds of hard and joyful at the same time.  But she has come this far . . . I know she can survive two more weeks.

Please keep your prayers and thoughts coming for that positive pregnancy test result.

And thank you from my heart--and Eileen's.

Help for a Friend

I know there are several of you who regularly read this blog (thank you!!).   I want to appeal to you tonight to send some good thoughts, prayers, energy (whatever you have to give) to my friend, Eileen.  She is also in the process of "getting to baby," through IVF, and had a fairly rough time at her egg retrieval today.

She and her husband got 5 eggs, which have been fertilized with his sperm, and are, even now as I type this, in the laboratory at OHSU--growing.  :)

Please pray for them to continue to grow.
Please send these little beginnings of babies love and light.
Please think encouraging thoughts for Eileen.  Send her some extra peace.

She will find out tomorrow how many are growing (let it be all of them), and is scheduled for her transfer on Monday.

Thank you so, so much.  <3

Open Your Eyes

They have not been easy, these last few days.  I can't put my finger on exactly the reason why . . . I think it is partly because I am still having pain with my period (and without), even though I have been on the herbs for nearly a year now.  And it is partly because I had hoped for a miracle (I do believe in them, after all) with this last cycle.  I took Clomid, and Michael has been on the FertileAid supplement for about 3 months now (the time it takes for sperm to grow to maturity), and we had sex at the right time.  So when my period started, it felt not only painful, but like the cruelest joke--one I am tired of having played on me month after month after month.

So.  I let myself wallow for a few days.  I was angry, and sad and pouty.  I leaned on my friends and they held me up the best they could (thank you).  And today, I began to feel a tiny bit better.  Not a ton, but enough.  I listened to the CD of fertility affirmations that Jelena loaned me.  I drove to work and drove home again, taking deep breaths as instructed.  I have been listening to the affirmations so much that I am starting to recite certain of them along with the lady.  There are a few that really speak loudly to me and there is one I keep thinking I need to write down.  The gist of it is that I am not worried because I trust what is coming is good.  Whenever I get to that affirmation on the CD, I repeat that last part of it over and over to myself.  I think I am hoping that if I say it enough, I will start to believe it.  :)  I also like the end of the CD where the lady instructs you to slowly come back from the lovely, relaxing place you've taken yourself to (assuming, of course, that you are not driving, as I always am), and tells you that when you are ready, to open your eyes.  I repeat this one to myself too, as in open your eyes to the beauty around you, open your eyes to the people who love you, open your eyes to the possibility of what may yet be.  There is a message there that I am trying very hard to hear.

Even though I am dragging my feet a bit, we are continuing on, and I know it is only a matter of time before I feel hopeful and excited again about our upcoming chances with IVF.  Here is what we have lined up so far:

1. This Wednesday, I go in for bloodwork (STD testing, thyroid check, blood typing, and rubella titer)
2. Michael goes in for his STD bloodwork this Friday.
3. Next Tuesday, I go in for a trial transfer.
4. And also next Tuesday, Michael goes in for a semen analysis / frozen sample.  (The frozen sample is to have on hand in case he has "a bad hair day" as Dr. Patton put it, on the day of the egg retrieval, which is typically when the man comes up with his contribution to the making of the baby.  Better safe than sorry.)

So there is quite a lot going on in the next couple of weeks.  If all goes well (particularly the result of my thyroid test), we should be on track for IVF in June.

It is exciting, but also scary as hell, and I am trying to be brave when what I most want to do is lie on the couch every day, wrapped in a blanket with my cat curled against my legs.

Open your eyes, Amy, open your eyes.