It's interesting . . . since August of last year, I have been a hesitant member of a "club" I have wanted to join for a long, long time: the Future Mommies of the World club. I use the word "hesitant" because when you've been struggling with infertility for any length of time ( I would say at least a year), it still doesn't feel quite real when your dream finally comes true. At least that has been my experience.
I have felt, until very recently, that this precious little person growing inside of me could be cruelly taken away at any time. And I know this is still a possibility-that is the nature of life. He is not "mine" to grasp with desperate hands, although desperate would be a good word to describe how I have felt many times along this path to baby. I try to think of it more along the lines that he has been given into my care for a time, but that he is his own person and will exert his independence more and more as he grows. My job will be to love him with all my heart, but at the same time to step back more and more and become more of a guide and less of an "I-am-here-to-meet-all-of-your-needs" caretaker. I do admit, however, that I will cherish these first few years when Michael and I will be the apples of his eye.
Now that we are truly in the home stretch of meeting our little one, I find myself to be much more relaxed than I have been at any other time during my pregnancy. I finally feel like a genuine pregnant lady and not like the good imitation of one that I felt I more closely ressembled earlier on. Strangers ask me when I am due, if we know what we're having, how I've been feeling, etc., and it feels right to tell them: one more month, a boy, mostly just the normal pregnancy aches and pains. To them, I am just another pregnant lady whom I am sure they assume became pregnant naturally. In a way it feels good to "pass" in that respect, but in a stronger, more honest way, I always want to tell them: "You have no idea how much we have done to get to this point."
I want to tell them about IVF and what that involves: the huge decision to take the risk of investing a whole lot of money with no guaranteed baby at the end, the fertility drugs and the havoc they wreak with most women's emotions, the strain it puts on your relationship with your partner--and not just financially. At least for us, I was the one going to all of the appointments, waiting to be called back, dealing with the uncertainty of how my body was or was not performing, etc. Many times it felt like I was ploughing through IVF Land on my own, even though I had people around me for support if I needed it. The thing was that, again at least for me, the only person who would have a chance of understanding was another woman who had experienced an IVF cycle.
That's the reason that Eileen and I have become close. She is really the only person in my circle who "gets it" when I talk about how I still feel like that girl with fertility challenges--even though my baby is due to be here in only a few more weeks. She knows why I hear someone's story about their struggle to have a baby and I cry. She understands why I am already thinking about when and how to plan for our next child. For us, as much as we want to be "normal" pregnant women, we are not. And this is something that I really want people to understand. That experience, those memories of whatever you did and however long it took to get you where you are now don't just fall away once you become pregnant. They remain a part of you and I'm sure influence the type of parent you become.
But back to the idea of people assuming a pregnant woman became that way naturally . . . I realize now that I have been guilty of that assumption plenty of times in the past. And even if I allowed for the possibility that a woman may once have been in my shoes but had since achieved her goal, I wouldn't say I was happy for her. Extremely jealous would be a more true description of how I felt. Many times I was so caught up in my own pain, anger and frustration that it truly didn't matter to me how a woman got pregnant. The fact remained that she was and I wasn't. Period. Granted, I could read books about other women who overcame infertility, and I did, but again, instead of feeling genuinely happy for them, I just tried to figure out what they did that I wasn't doing. How could I emulate their journey and make it my own? Of course, I could not. We are all different and I really believe that different approaches and combinations of things work for different people. The trick is to find out what works for you, and that takes time and usually money. Oh and also a healthy dose of luck.
I began this blog post wanting to talk about a woman who works in my building. I would be willing to bet that she is experiencing infertility. The way I know is in how she looks at me--or how she looks and then quickly averts her eyes. I used to do this same thing when I saw a pregnant belly. She has never said hello or smiled at me. The only time we've spoken is when we nearly ran into each other in the restroom. And then it was just "sorry," and "excuse me."
I was tempted one day to talk to her and let her know that I understand her position (if indeed I'm right and she's in the midst of a battle with infertility.) I wanted her to know that I am not like those "other" women who likely got pregnant with very little (or no) effort. I wanted her to know that I understand. In the end I decided against it. I remembered how I felt when it was me who seemed to see pregnant women everywhere she went. I knew she would likely start crying if I tried to talk about it with her and I also knew that as much as I think I understand her situation, I do not. How can I? I am not her and I don't know anything about her. I might understand pieces of what she's feeling, but it would be presumptious of me to approach her as if I completely understand where she is coming from.
And so instead I just wished her well, silently, in my heart and in my head. I still think of her and hope things are working in the direction she wants. Mostly, I hope she finds peace, no matter the outcome of her struggle.
And I find it simultaneously wonderful and strange to be on the other side now . . . looking back at a place I know intimately (Infertility World) but to which I can never again belong (not that I would want to). And at the same time, I can never fully be a part of this new world of soon-to-be parenthood because of what I have experienced to get here.
I guess I am in a sort of No Man's Land between the two, and maybe that is okay. It helps me see where people on both sides of the coin are coming from. A couple of days ago, I spent at least a half hour talking with a co-worker about IVF. He was really interested to know what the process involves and what our experience had been. Not only was I surprised that he wanted to know just because most people don't want a lot of details, but I was surprised because he was male and wanted to know. It's the first time I've come across a guy who was truly curious about infertility and IVF.
He shared with me that he feels guilty because he and his wife have gotten pregnant so easily in the past. They have two kids now and another on the way. That was news to me: that someone on the "other side" might feel guilty about how easily they became pregnant. And then I felt badly for all the times I have judged those I know who have kids. "Don't feel guilty," I told him, "it's just life. And life isn't fair." In that moment I felt like I healed a little bit of that angry part of me that still exists in my heart. And it continues to be healed as I watch a friend who basically planned which weekend she would get pregnant become a mom to a little boy who was just born eleven weeks early. No, life is certainly not fair and we get the cards we are dealt.
I realize more and more that what matters most in the end is how we play them.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
GBS Test is Negative!!!
And I am oh-so-relieved. :) I didn't want to have to make a decision about whether or not to have IV antibiotics during labor, which would have meant a hospital birth for sure. As much as I have worried about this baby throughout the pregnancy, I am pretty sure I would have opted for the antibiotics, but now I don't have to!!!
Dr. Stempel said the baby is still head down (yay!) and my cervix is thinning a bit, but is still very much closed. Sunday we will be at 37 weeks and he will officially be full-term. You cannot imagine my relief at getting this far and not having any more problems . . . and I am grateful.
My blood pressure was up just a bit today (100/60), and my weight was up to 150 by their scale. It will be interesting to see what the Andaluz scale tells me when I see Dana on Tuesday.
Michael doesn't know this yet, but he has Monday off. :) I arranged it with our boss before I went on maternity leave, thinking that I would plan a little out-of-town "babymoon" for us to celebrate hitting the 37-week mark. I looked at some cute bed and breakfasts in McMinnville, then decided to just make it a "staycation" instead. It seemed to be the most practical and economcal choice . . . we can rent a bunch of Redbox movies and just chill at home. The best part will be the look on Michael's face when I tell him he doesn't have to work on Monday.
Dr. Stempel said the baby is still head down (yay!) and my cervix is thinning a bit, but is still very much closed. Sunday we will be at 37 weeks and he will officially be full-term. You cannot imagine my relief at getting this far and not having any more problems . . . and I am grateful.
My blood pressure was up just a bit today (100/60), and my weight was up to 150 by their scale. It will be interesting to see what the Andaluz scale tells me when I see Dana on Tuesday.
Michael doesn't know this yet, but he has Monday off. :) I arranged it with our boss before I went on maternity leave, thinking that I would plan a little out-of-town "babymoon" for us to celebrate hitting the 37-week mark. I looked at some cute bed and breakfasts in McMinnville, then decided to just make it a "staycation" instead. It seemed to be the most practical and economcal choice . . . we can rent a bunch of Redbox movies and just chill at home. The best part will be the look on Michael's face when I tell him he doesn't have to work on Monday.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Welcome, Robin Spring!
Our friends, Carrie and Warren, welcomed their first little baby boy into their family on Tuesday. His name is Robin Spring. They (like Eileen and Paul), chose not to find out the sex of the baby earlier on in the pregnancy, opting instead for the surprise. I'm happy there are now two little boys who might become a potential buddy(ies) for our little one.
Welcome, Robin! We are all glad you are here.
<3
Welcome, Robin! We are all glad you are here.
<3
Prenatal with Katherine & Alison
I saw Katherine and her apprentice, Alison, at Andaluz last Monday. The other times I've seen them have been at their Tualatin location, but this appointment was at the Portland location and I let them know I'd like my remaining appointments to be there too--since that is where we are planning to give birth. I want to feel really comfortable and used to the space.
Everything was much the same as my other prenatal visits: urine test fine, BP fine, weight . . . 147. Hmmm. Down 2 pounds from Stempel's scale but up one pound from theirs. I could tell they weren't overjoyed, but Katherine said it was okay.
The baby measured just fine--my womb was right on for 36 weeks (yay!) and his heartbeat sounded great as usual. Katherine said at right around this time they listen for about two minutes in order to establish a baseline of what's normal for the baby--whether his heart tends to beat on the faster side or on the slower side. That way, when labor begins and I get checked, they'll have an idea of how the baby is doing right from the start. I like that. His heartrate was in the 120's and sounded so loud and strong through the Doppler.
Katherine confirmed that he is still head-down although she said she's been known to be wrong. They offer an ultrasound to be done about now, in order to confirm baby's position. That way if the baby is breech (vertex), they still have time to try to turn the baby or the parents can decide to go to the hospital if that is what they want. I told her that I feel pretty confident he's head down since both she, Dana, Jennifer and Dr. Stempel have all agreed during separate exams that he is in the "locked and loaded" position. :) And he's been in this position for a good while now--probably for at least 6 weeks. I don't think he's planning to surprise us now.
Katherine also said that the baby's head is "LOA," which I think stands for "Left Occiput Anterior." She said it basically means that the back of the baby's head is facing me (so his face is turned to the inside of my body), and is slightly to my left. She said it's the classic textbook position for a baby to be in for a normal vaginal delivery. Music to my ears. :)
Tomorrow (Friday), I see Dr. Stempel and get the results of my GBS test. Cross your fingers it comes back a big fat negative.
Everything was much the same as my other prenatal visits: urine test fine, BP fine, weight . . . 147. Hmmm. Down 2 pounds from Stempel's scale but up one pound from theirs. I could tell they weren't overjoyed, but Katherine said it was okay.
The baby measured just fine--my womb was right on for 36 weeks (yay!) and his heartbeat sounded great as usual. Katherine said at right around this time they listen for about two minutes in order to establish a baseline of what's normal for the baby--whether his heart tends to beat on the faster side or on the slower side. That way, when labor begins and I get checked, they'll have an idea of how the baby is doing right from the start. I like that. His heartrate was in the 120's and sounded so loud and strong through the Doppler.
Katherine confirmed that he is still head-down although she said she's been known to be wrong. They offer an ultrasound to be done about now, in order to confirm baby's position. That way if the baby is breech (vertex), they still have time to try to turn the baby or the parents can decide to go to the hospital if that is what they want. I told her that I feel pretty confident he's head down since both she, Dana, Jennifer and Dr. Stempel have all agreed during separate exams that he is in the "locked and loaded" position. :) And he's been in this position for a good while now--probably for at least 6 weeks. I don't think he's planning to surprise us now.
Katherine also said that the baby's head is "LOA," which I think stands for "Left Occiput Anterior." She said it basically means that the back of the baby's head is facing me (so his face is turned to the inside of my body), and is slightly to my left. She said it's the classic textbook position for a baby to be in for a normal vaginal delivery. Music to my ears. :)
Tomorrow (Friday), I see Dr. Stempel and get the results of my GBS test. Cross your fingers it comes back a big fat negative.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
36 Weeks!
Here we are at 36 weeks . . . somehow I still can hardly believe that this is really happening. After all of my worrying about this baby and whether or not we would get this far in the pregnancy,, here we are. One more week until we are officially "full term." Absolutely amazing.
It was so nice to be off of work last week. It's funny because I was tired, but it was doable. I was able to take a nap if I wanted to, or just rest on the couch if I felt like I needed it. I didn't have to keep going at work. Not being at work made me realize just how much I am up and out of my chair doing various things--retrieving documents from the copier, getting supplies, delivering documents or CDs to a number of different places within our very large building, and of course--journeying to the restroom at least once an hour if not more often. There were also trips to the kitchen on the other side of the building every couple of hours or so, whether I felt hungry or not. Being here at home has made all the difference in how I feel. I'm still tired, but it's a much more comfortable sense of being tired than when I was working.
This past week we got some things accomplished:
So you can see it was a quiet, yet eventful week. Thiings I have noticed this week:
It was so nice to be off of work last week. It's funny because I was tired, but it was doable. I was able to take a nap if I wanted to, or just rest on the couch if I felt like I needed it. I didn't have to keep going at work. Not being at work made me realize just how much I am up and out of my chair doing various things--retrieving documents from the copier, getting supplies, delivering documents or CDs to a number of different places within our very large building, and of course--journeying to the restroom at least once an hour if not more often. There were also trips to the kitchen on the other side of the building every couple of hours or so, whether I felt hungry or not. Being here at home has made all the difference in how I feel. I'm still tired, but it's a much more comfortable sense of being tired than when I was working.
This past week we got some things accomplished:
- Monday--doctor's appointments with Stempel and Dramov (OB & ND); trip to children's resale shop in southeast Portland where I bought a Thirsties Duo diaper to add to my cloth diaper stash. (So far I also have 3 wool covers I won in an eBay auction and two all-in-one (AIO) diapers that were a baby shower gift (thanks, Bethany!)
- Tuesday--house was deep cleaned by a "green" cleaning company. You cannot imagine what a relief it was and is to have had that done before the baby's arrival; trip to Target to buy side-snap t-shirts and pull-on pants for Baby Hoffman; trip to New Seasons for lunch and also to buy super cute giraffe baby blanket I've had my eye on for awhile--courtesy of gift card from Mom and Dad.
- Wednesday--honestly cannot remember what I did on Wednesday. Must have been a lot of resting. ;) I may have started compiling medical receipts for 2011 taxes . . . during our journey to baby last year, we easily spent the 7.5% of our adjusted gross income required to claim a medical deduction.
- Thursday--we had SNOW! It was the most we have had so late in the year. We got over an inch at our house in Aloha. I had planned to drive to Vancouver to visit my parents and grandparents, but the trip was put on hold due to the snow and random spots of ice. More work on taxes. Tripto Trader Joe's for groceries . . . forgot I am eight months pregnant and jumped over puddle, tweaking lower boack. :( Lots of Braxton-Hcks contractions in evening. Did not sleep well.
- Friday--Eileen and Sam visited. Eileen helped me sort through baby clothes to see how much I have in different sizes. Lovely 2-hour nap for me afterward.
- Saturday--Michael steam-cleaned the carpet in the nursery. Next will be paint and assembling of furniture. We tried out a new crockpot white bean and chicken chili recipe. Mmmm. Turned out good. Will need to make it again and freeze some for after Baby's arrival. Michael took advantage of the beautiful weather (so odd when we had snow just a few days ago!) to catch up on some much-needed yard work. I did some laundry and started writing thank-you notes for the most recent shower. Trip to Babies R' Us with Michael. Bought diaper changing pad and cover, more side-snap t-shirts (can you tell I don't want to pull anything over his head when he is very little?), a memory / record book for Baby's first few years and a Sophie the Giraffe teether.
So you can see it was a quiet, yet eventful week. Thiings I have noticed this week:
- More back pain since puddle jump on Thursday. :( Could also be partly due to largeness of belly. ;)
- Fewer contractions Mon-Thursday than over the past couple of weeks when I was working. A good number of contractions Thurs-Saturday. Body is gearing up!
- Heartburn has made its appearance. It started last week but I had it a few more times this week. Funny because I thought I was going to get to miss out on that part of the pregnancy experience. ;) Ah well, must take the good with the "please-let-it-be-over-soon."
- Harder time sleeping. Baby has had a growth spurt and it's very uncomfortable when I try to sleep on my left-side since that is his favorite place to hang out. Right side is doable, but sleep is intermittent and I find I'm often up early since I don't have to work. Couch is still fairly comfortable. :)
- Baby belly is so precious. I am already missing being pregnant . . .even with the aches and pains, it is such a miracle to feel a tiny human moving around inside of me. I can't help but wonder if I will get to experience it again. We still have two frozen embryos at OHSU to try for a sibling(s) for Baby Hoffman, and I am already thinking ahead to when we could try getting pregnant again. I will be 38 in June, so I don't want to wait too long . . . thinking I will give my body a year to recover from this pregnancy and then try again. That would put me having the baby (or babies) the year I turn 40. So crazy to already be thinking about this, but necessary. And if we didn't get pregnant with our frozen embryos, I think we would look into adoption. I honestly don't feel like I could do another "fresh" IVF cycle with all of the fertility medications. Despite all the work I put into preparing my body with herbs, acupuncture, supplements, qigong, etc., I still feel like we were very lucky to get the four embryos we got,, since so many of my eggs didn't fertilize. Maybe I would feel differently in a year, maybe not. We'll just have to wait and see.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
More Catch-Up on Baby News
I haven't been very good about blogging about my visits to Dr. Stempel and Andaluz lately, so now that I am on maternity leave, I figured I should play catch-up. :)
I think the last time I wrote, I had just had the glucose tolerance test. This was around 30 weeks. My result came back slightly elevated (163), and Dr. Stempel wanted me to take the 3-hour test, which means fasting for 12 hours or so and drinking twice the glucose solution. I really did not want to take the test if I could at all avoid it. My suggestion to him as a compromise was to get a little monitor and test my blood a few times a day.
He said that would be fine, so he wrote me a prescription and I poked my finger 3-4 times a day for about 2 weeks. I tried to do it 2 hours after eating, but it was tough always remembering to do it on time--especially when I was at work. It seemed that sugary things like fruit didn't really raise my blood sugar much, but corn chips were a definite culprit as I discovered one night when we had taco salad for dinner and I ate a bunch of them. Staying away from chips isn't too tough though. I would have much more of a problem staying away from fruit! :)
The only thing that bothered me about testing my blood with the glucose monitor is that I wasn't sure if it was working correctly. The instructions said to run a drop of control solution through the monitor upon first use and then compare the result to a range of numbers specific to that monitor. If the control result was within the range, that would mean the test was working correctly. The problem was that tthere was no control solution in the box with the monitor. When I called the pharmacy to ask about it, I discovered that not only is it something that must be purchased separately, but that they don't even stock it--it would have to be ordered. Wow. Okay, that makes absolutely no sense at all. Why would someone spend time (and pain!) pricking a finger several times a day if they weren't sure the monitor was working properly? It would make much more sense if the pharmacy stocked the solution and offered it separately from the monitor--like they do with the glucose test strips. Or if they at least let people know when they picked up the monitoring kit that the solution was available to order, then the decision would be up to the individual over whether they wanted to spend the exra money to make sure the monitor worked right.
Anyway, you can probably sense my frustration with the whole thing. :) When I didn't get very high values after steady testing, I decided to quit until I could get some of the control solution. It came in last week and now I just have to test the monitor. It's funny that I haven't done it yet--I'm not sure why, unless it's just that I am kind of fed up with the whole thing. But testing the monitor is on my list of things to do today, so we shall see. I'm pretty sure that it is working just fine and that my blood sugar is fine too--as long as I can stay away from those chips! ;)
I had another appointment with Dana during the last week of February and I met her apprentice, Isabelle. I really, really like Dana and I liked Isabelle very much too. They are both what I would call soft-spoken (although I would say Isabelle is more so than Dana), and they both have a very calming energy about them. I love that. There was a bit of a scheduling snafoo the day of my visit, so Isabelle started my checkup and then Dana joined us later. What I thought was really cool was that Isabelle explained how the urine testing works--I'd had no idea really what they looked for except for protein. I think that is one component, but there is a whole list of other things they check. They dip a plastic strip in the urine and it makes boxes for different things change color. Then they compare the colors on the test strip with a control diagram to see if anything is "off" about the urine. They can tell if you are hydrated, if there is too much sugar in your urine, etc. Very cool. She showed me how my test strip cmpared with the control, and all of the colors matched! Yay!
They weighed me at that visit and I was at 144, which was the same as I had been weighing at Dr. Stempel's office. I had gained 10 pounds total since the start of pregnancy and Dana had seemed a little concerned at our first visit, but I don't remember her stressing anything in particular at the visit with Isabelle. I just remember feeling very heard and nurtured. I left feeling very confident in my decision to birth with the midwives, and feeling happy that I was finally getting the type of care I had wanted all along.
Dana had told me that she would be off during March (the midwives take turns having months off when they are not on-call), and so I arranged to meet the woman who would be my back-up midwife, Katherine. I think I saw her a week after seeing Dana, and I met her apprentice, Alison. I have to admit that my first impression of both of them wasn't particularly great. Maybe Dana spoke to Katherine as part of my transfer of care about encouraging me to gain weight. Maybe Katherine just looked at my chart and thought that 10 pounds was not adequate weight gain for this far into my pregnancy. Whatever it was, I felt, from the moment the visit started, almost attacked about what I was eating, how much I was eating and that I needed to gain more weight. Now I know their intention was not to make me feel that way. I think I just wasn't expecting so much emphasis to be put on that issue since I had asked Dr. Stempel if I was gaining enough and he had said yes, that the baby was measuring fine. I think he'd been measuring a week or two behind at each visit, but Stempel said the measuring they do isn't an exact science and could vary a bit. They don't get concerned unless they see a drastic discrepancy between the number of weeks of actual gestation and how the uterus measures.
So when both Katherine and Alison talked simultaneously about how I needed to eat more for my baby, I started to get scared and to feel like I had not been doing a good job--that he was malnourished. When Katherine palpated my abdomen, she said she didn't feel as big of a pocket of amniotic fluid as she had been expecting and that that was likely from not eating enough. I felt awful. Then it was time to get my weight. It was 140, which was 4 pounds less than I had been weighing for several months, and just last week at Andaluz on that particular scale. By this point, I really felt bad. I started crying and feeling like a bad mother before my baby was even born yet. I know Katherine felt badly--she sat down right next to me and looked in my eyes and told me that I had been eating good, nutritious food--just not enough of it to get the amount of necessary calories. I had been eating a ton of salad (mostly from Whole Foods which, along with New Seasons, had been a lifesaver in providing easy and healthy lunches and dinners while I was working.) Needless to say, when I left my appointment, I felt a bit panicky. I was determined to start eating a bunch of calories and gain weight.
I discovered WOW gluten-free oatmeal cookies with dried apricot and I think cranberry. They are big cookies, so I started eating one for breakfast with whole milk. Over the course of one week, I had a total of 4 burgers from New Seasons . . . some were hamburgers, others were turkey burgers--always with swiss cheese and lots of veggies. My favorite part about those burgers is that they are like sandwiches (you can choose lettuce, tomato, grilled onion, mushrooms, cucumber, avocado, etc.) with a turkey, beef or bean patty. I ate a whole lot of the black bean burgers during my first trimester when I was hungry all the time. :)
Another thing I did was start trying to eat constantly--even when I wasn't hungry at all. I went through an enire block of my favorite goat milk cheddar cheese from Trader Joe's in one week--as well as a carton of vanilla ice cream. I looked for cottage cheese made with whole milk, but could only find low or no-fat varieties. I did find some whole milk yogurt, though. I have been buying the plain kind (less sugar) and sweetening it myself with frozen strawberries or blueberries. I have never liked yogurt (and I still don't!), but I know it's got lots of protein in it and is good for both me and the baby.
So when I saw Katherine again last week (a week after the visit where I weighed 140lbs), I was very nervous about getting on the scale, but felt that I must have gained at least some weight. And I was up 5 pounds! So now I was back where I'd been, plus one pound. Katherine and Alison celebrated with me and encouraged me to keep it up. I had kept a food diary over the course of the previous week at Katherine's suggestion and she said it looked great, that I was now getting enough calories even though I was eating a lot of the same foods each day. I'd heard from naturopaths before that variety was really important, but Katherine said it was fine to eat the same things. She probably just didn't want to stress me out about finding a variety of high-calorie, yet healthy foods, now that I had finally started gaining weight.
When she palpated my abdomen last week, she said it felt better--that there was now more fluid around the baby. I was glad about that. I'd gone in mostly in order to be checked for a UTI, since I'd been having a LOT of Braxton-Hicks contractions since I had last seen her. Katherine said that sometimes when a UTI is brewing, it can cause an increase in contractions. Of course, I was worried about pre-term labor. The sheer number of cotnractions I was having seemed like too many (2-4 an hour, every hour, for several hours in a row). But work had been stressful because of a huge and very important project we were doing for Intel, and I'd been pushing myself too hard. One night Michael and I didn't leave work until nearly 11:00pm. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper. I had so many contractions that night and the following morning that I decided to stay home from work the next day. Then I had contractions all day while I watched Netflix on the couch.
I had been debating about when to go on maternity leave (March 16th had been circled on my calendar for several months as my potential last day, but I hadn't made a definite decision). Having all of those contractions pretty much decided it. I felt a bit guilty about going on maternity leave at 35 weeks, since I know many women work right up until their babies are born, but I really didn't want him to come early and I was afraid the increase in contractions was my body's way of saying, "Hey! Pay attention!"
Anyway, I left that second appointment with Katherine and Alison feeling much better than before. I still hope to have Dana as my midwife, but I'm comfortable having Katherine as a back-up. :)
I think it was right after my glucose test that I had my first appointment with Dr. Dramov (the naturopath who helped me transition off of antidepressants about 7 years ago) and whom I had last seen a couple of years ago. I wanted to show off my pregnant belly (of course!) since he knew I'd been trying to conceive for a number of years and had recommended different supplements back when I still thought I could get pregnant naturally. Mostly I wanted to talk with him about his recommendations on vaccinations and on alternative medicine-friendly pediatricians in the Portland area. It turns out there aren't too many of those, sadly, but I think Eileen has someone she likes and I'm going to check with her the next time we meet up.
Dr. Dramov did look at my most recent thyroid and iron tests. I was due for another thyroid check and he recommended getting it on a day when I was due for a "double dose" of meds. Normally I take 25mcg of Levothyroxine Sat, Sun, Mon Wed and Thursday and I take 50mcg on Tues and Friday. His thought was that maybe I needed a higher dose daily (37.5mcg) instead of just getting the cumulative higher dose over the course of each week. He also recommended taking a B12 supplement to help with being anemic and also an iron and herbal supplement called Floradix.
I saw Dr. Stempel Monday (35 week appt), and now will begin seeing him every week until the baby comes. My blood pressure was fine (it seems to stay right around 90/60) and I was up another 4 pounds on the scale! Guess all those extra calories are working . . . may back off just a bit though, because I don't want to keep gaining 5 pounds every week--especially if I end up going to term or past term! :)
I had the Group B Strep test and realized again the difference in the type of care I get from Stempel and from the midwives. There is no choice in having the test at Stempel's office--I was just told I was having a culture taken. I can't remember now if Stempel told me it was for GBS or if I asked. At Andaluz there is informed consent paperwork about everything. Women have plenty of time to read the information and ask questions before it's time to decide about which tests they'd like to have done. I prefer this method of care, even though I was planning to have the GBS test anyway (my friend's baby died of it in the early 90's before routine testing was the norm). I just think people should have more of a say in their prenatal care if they want it. If they want to follow the doctor's recommendations, fine, and if making a different choice feels better to them, fine. The midwives don't really give an opinion one way or the other (maybe because I have not directly asked). They provide information and then it's up to the woman and her partner to ask questions. The parents of the baby end up making the final choice.
I told Stempel about the midwives' concern with my weight and that I was worried the baby might be too small. In Stempel's opinion, all is well. He said the baby is still growing, even if he's a bit behind--I forgot to ask what my womb measured yesterday. Last week at Andaluz I was up 3cm, so was measuring right on (34 1/2 weeks). The previous week she had measured me at 31 weeks, so it was quite a big catch-up. Dr. Stempel said that from his palpation, he guessed the baby already weighs about 6 pounds. You can imagine my surprise! Babycenter.com said generally at 35 weeks, babies are just over 5 pounds, but I didn't think he might already be 6! :)
Stempel wanted to check my cervix because of all the contractions and he said not to worry, that it's not doing a whole lot yet. It's started to soften a little, but that's about it. He said that he doesn't think I have to worry about preterm labor and that in fact, I may very well go late. I suppose it's hard for them to say, but that makes me feel a LOT better. :) Besides that, since being able to rest over the past 5 days, I've noticed the frequency and intensity of the contractions has greatly subsided. Maybe that is all I really needed--time to rest.
So we're headed into the final stretch in pretty good shape. Every day it seems more and more real that our little man is really coming. I've noticed it especially this week, since I've been home. I took a baby shower gift card to Target yesterday and did a little shopping (thanks, Erin!), picking up a few things we still needed for him. Looking at the tiny t-shirts and pants I bought made his arrival more real. And he moves so much now--mostly stretching. He's been head-down for weeks, with his torso on the left side of my abdomen. I used to think his feet were there, because that is where I would feel him moving most, but now I think what I was feeling was him stretching, arching his back against the wall of my womb. Sometimes I feel what might be a leg or a knee above my belly button, but overall, he is sitting very low . . . I haven't felt any kicks under my ribs yet.
Soon, soon, I will need to change the title of this blog because he will be here! Or maybe I will start a new one . . . "Living with Baby" or something like that. :) Either way, we are so, so very lucky and I recognize that every day.
We love you, little man.
<3
I think the last time I wrote, I had just had the glucose tolerance test. This was around 30 weeks. My result came back slightly elevated (163), and Dr. Stempel wanted me to take the 3-hour test, which means fasting for 12 hours or so and drinking twice the glucose solution. I really did not want to take the test if I could at all avoid it. My suggestion to him as a compromise was to get a little monitor and test my blood a few times a day.
He said that would be fine, so he wrote me a prescription and I poked my finger 3-4 times a day for about 2 weeks. I tried to do it 2 hours after eating, but it was tough always remembering to do it on time--especially when I was at work. It seemed that sugary things like fruit didn't really raise my blood sugar much, but corn chips were a definite culprit as I discovered one night when we had taco salad for dinner and I ate a bunch of them. Staying away from chips isn't too tough though. I would have much more of a problem staying away from fruit! :)
The only thing that bothered me about testing my blood with the glucose monitor is that I wasn't sure if it was working correctly. The instructions said to run a drop of control solution through the monitor upon first use and then compare the result to a range of numbers specific to that monitor. If the control result was within the range, that would mean the test was working correctly. The problem was that tthere was no control solution in the box with the monitor. When I called the pharmacy to ask about it, I discovered that not only is it something that must be purchased separately, but that they don't even stock it--it would have to be ordered. Wow. Okay, that makes absolutely no sense at all. Why would someone spend time (and pain!) pricking a finger several times a day if they weren't sure the monitor was working properly? It would make much more sense if the pharmacy stocked the solution and offered it separately from the monitor--like they do with the glucose test strips. Or if they at least let people know when they picked up the monitoring kit that the solution was available to order, then the decision would be up to the individual over whether they wanted to spend the exra money to make sure the monitor worked right.
Anyway, you can probably sense my frustration with the whole thing. :) When I didn't get very high values after steady testing, I decided to quit until I could get some of the control solution. It came in last week and now I just have to test the monitor. It's funny that I haven't done it yet--I'm not sure why, unless it's just that I am kind of fed up with the whole thing. But testing the monitor is on my list of things to do today, so we shall see. I'm pretty sure that it is working just fine and that my blood sugar is fine too--as long as I can stay away from those chips! ;)
I had another appointment with Dana during the last week of February and I met her apprentice, Isabelle. I really, really like Dana and I liked Isabelle very much too. They are both what I would call soft-spoken (although I would say Isabelle is more so than Dana), and they both have a very calming energy about them. I love that. There was a bit of a scheduling snafoo the day of my visit, so Isabelle started my checkup and then Dana joined us later. What I thought was really cool was that Isabelle explained how the urine testing works--I'd had no idea really what they looked for except for protein. I think that is one component, but there is a whole list of other things they check. They dip a plastic strip in the urine and it makes boxes for different things change color. Then they compare the colors on the test strip with a control diagram to see if anything is "off" about the urine. They can tell if you are hydrated, if there is too much sugar in your urine, etc. Very cool. She showed me how my test strip cmpared with the control, and all of the colors matched! Yay!
They weighed me at that visit and I was at 144, which was the same as I had been weighing at Dr. Stempel's office. I had gained 10 pounds total since the start of pregnancy and Dana had seemed a little concerned at our first visit, but I don't remember her stressing anything in particular at the visit with Isabelle. I just remember feeling very heard and nurtured. I left feeling very confident in my decision to birth with the midwives, and feeling happy that I was finally getting the type of care I had wanted all along.
Dana had told me that she would be off during March (the midwives take turns having months off when they are not on-call), and so I arranged to meet the woman who would be my back-up midwife, Katherine. I think I saw her a week after seeing Dana, and I met her apprentice, Alison. I have to admit that my first impression of both of them wasn't particularly great. Maybe Dana spoke to Katherine as part of my transfer of care about encouraging me to gain weight. Maybe Katherine just looked at my chart and thought that 10 pounds was not adequate weight gain for this far into my pregnancy. Whatever it was, I felt, from the moment the visit started, almost attacked about what I was eating, how much I was eating and that I needed to gain more weight. Now I know their intention was not to make me feel that way. I think I just wasn't expecting so much emphasis to be put on that issue since I had asked Dr. Stempel if I was gaining enough and he had said yes, that the baby was measuring fine. I think he'd been measuring a week or two behind at each visit, but Stempel said the measuring they do isn't an exact science and could vary a bit. They don't get concerned unless they see a drastic discrepancy between the number of weeks of actual gestation and how the uterus measures.
So when both Katherine and Alison talked simultaneously about how I needed to eat more for my baby, I started to get scared and to feel like I had not been doing a good job--that he was malnourished. When Katherine palpated my abdomen, she said she didn't feel as big of a pocket of amniotic fluid as she had been expecting and that that was likely from not eating enough. I felt awful. Then it was time to get my weight. It was 140, which was 4 pounds less than I had been weighing for several months, and just last week at Andaluz on that particular scale. By this point, I really felt bad. I started crying and feeling like a bad mother before my baby was even born yet. I know Katherine felt badly--she sat down right next to me and looked in my eyes and told me that I had been eating good, nutritious food--just not enough of it to get the amount of necessary calories. I had been eating a ton of salad (mostly from Whole Foods which, along with New Seasons, had been a lifesaver in providing easy and healthy lunches and dinners while I was working.) Needless to say, when I left my appointment, I felt a bit panicky. I was determined to start eating a bunch of calories and gain weight.
I discovered WOW gluten-free oatmeal cookies with dried apricot and I think cranberry. They are big cookies, so I started eating one for breakfast with whole milk. Over the course of one week, I had a total of 4 burgers from New Seasons . . . some were hamburgers, others were turkey burgers--always with swiss cheese and lots of veggies. My favorite part about those burgers is that they are like sandwiches (you can choose lettuce, tomato, grilled onion, mushrooms, cucumber, avocado, etc.) with a turkey, beef or bean patty. I ate a whole lot of the black bean burgers during my first trimester when I was hungry all the time. :)
Another thing I did was start trying to eat constantly--even when I wasn't hungry at all. I went through an enire block of my favorite goat milk cheddar cheese from Trader Joe's in one week--as well as a carton of vanilla ice cream. I looked for cottage cheese made with whole milk, but could only find low or no-fat varieties. I did find some whole milk yogurt, though. I have been buying the plain kind (less sugar) and sweetening it myself with frozen strawberries or blueberries. I have never liked yogurt (and I still don't!), but I know it's got lots of protein in it and is good for both me and the baby.
So when I saw Katherine again last week (a week after the visit where I weighed 140lbs), I was very nervous about getting on the scale, but felt that I must have gained at least some weight. And I was up 5 pounds! So now I was back where I'd been, plus one pound. Katherine and Alison celebrated with me and encouraged me to keep it up. I had kept a food diary over the course of the previous week at Katherine's suggestion and she said it looked great, that I was now getting enough calories even though I was eating a lot of the same foods each day. I'd heard from naturopaths before that variety was really important, but Katherine said it was fine to eat the same things. She probably just didn't want to stress me out about finding a variety of high-calorie, yet healthy foods, now that I had finally started gaining weight.
When she palpated my abdomen last week, she said it felt better--that there was now more fluid around the baby. I was glad about that. I'd gone in mostly in order to be checked for a UTI, since I'd been having a LOT of Braxton-Hicks contractions since I had last seen her. Katherine said that sometimes when a UTI is brewing, it can cause an increase in contractions. Of course, I was worried about pre-term labor. The sheer number of cotnractions I was having seemed like too many (2-4 an hour, every hour, for several hours in a row). But work had been stressful because of a huge and very important project we were doing for Intel, and I'd been pushing myself too hard. One night Michael and I didn't leave work until nearly 11:00pm. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper. I had so many contractions that night and the following morning that I decided to stay home from work the next day. Then I had contractions all day while I watched Netflix on the couch.
I had been debating about when to go on maternity leave (March 16th had been circled on my calendar for several months as my potential last day, but I hadn't made a definite decision). Having all of those contractions pretty much decided it. I felt a bit guilty about going on maternity leave at 35 weeks, since I know many women work right up until their babies are born, but I really didn't want him to come early and I was afraid the increase in contractions was my body's way of saying, "Hey! Pay attention!"
Anyway, I left that second appointment with Katherine and Alison feeling much better than before. I still hope to have Dana as my midwife, but I'm comfortable having Katherine as a back-up. :)
I think it was right after my glucose test that I had my first appointment with Dr. Dramov (the naturopath who helped me transition off of antidepressants about 7 years ago) and whom I had last seen a couple of years ago. I wanted to show off my pregnant belly (of course!) since he knew I'd been trying to conceive for a number of years and had recommended different supplements back when I still thought I could get pregnant naturally. Mostly I wanted to talk with him about his recommendations on vaccinations and on alternative medicine-friendly pediatricians in the Portland area. It turns out there aren't too many of those, sadly, but I think Eileen has someone she likes and I'm going to check with her the next time we meet up.
Dr. Dramov did look at my most recent thyroid and iron tests. I was due for another thyroid check and he recommended getting it on a day when I was due for a "double dose" of meds. Normally I take 25mcg of Levothyroxine Sat, Sun, Mon Wed and Thursday and I take 50mcg on Tues and Friday. His thought was that maybe I needed a higher dose daily (37.5mcg) instead of just getting the cumulative higher dose over the course of each week. He also recommended taking a B12 supplement to help with being anemic and also an iron and herbal supplement called Floradix.
I saw Dr. Stempel Monday (35 week appt), and now will begin seeing him every week until the baby comes. My blood pressure was fine (it seems to stay right around 90/60) and I was up another 4 pounds on the scale! Guess all those extra calories are working . . . may back off just a bit though, because I don't want to keep gaining 5 pounds every week--especially if I end up going to term or past term! :)
I had the Group B Strep test and realized again the difference in the type of care I get from Stempel and from the midwives. There is no choice in having the test at Stempel's office--I was just told I was having a culture taken. I can't remember now if Stempel told me it was for GBS or if I asked. At Andaluz there is informed consent paperwork about everything. Women have plenty of time to read the information and ask questions before it's time to decide about which tests they'd like to have done. I prefer this method of care, even though I was planning to have the GBS test anyway (my friend's baby died of it in the early 90's before routine testing was the norm). I just think people should have more of a say in their prenatal care if they want it. If they want to follow the doctor's recommendations, fine, and if making a different choice feels better to them, fine. The midwives don't really give an opinion one way or the other (maybe because I have not directly asked). They provide information and then it's up to the woman and her partner to ask questions. The parents of the baby end up making the final choice.
I told Stempel about the midwives' concern with my weight and that I was worried the baby might be too small. In Stempel's opinion, all is well. He said the baby is still growing, even if he's a bit behind--I forgot to ask what my womb measured yesterday. Last week at Andaluz I was up 3cm, so was measuring right on (34 1/2 weeks). The previous week she had measured me at 31 weeks, so it was quite a big catch-up. Dr. Stempel said that from his palpation, he guessed the baby already weighs about 6 pounds. You can imagine my surprise! Babycenter.com said generally at 35 weeks, babies are just over 5 pounds, but I didn't think he might already be 6! :)
Stempel wanted to check my cervix because of all the contractions and he said not to worry, that it's not doing a whole lot yet. It's started to soften a little, but that's about it. He said that he doesn't think I have to worry about preterm labor and that in fact, I may very well go late. I suppose it's hard for them to say, but that makes me feel a LOT better. :) Besides that, since being able to rest over the past 5 days, I've noticed the frequency and intensity of the contractions has greatly subsided. Maybe that is all I really needed--time to rest.
So we're headed into the final stretch in pretty good shape. Every day it seems more and more real that our little man is really coming. I've noticed it especially this week, since I've been home. I took a baby shower gift card to Target yesterday and did a little shopping (thanks, Erin!), picking up a few things we still needed for him. Looking at the tiny t-shirts and pants I bought made his arrival more real. And he moves so much now--mostly stretching. He's been head-down for weeks, with his torso on the left side of my abdomen. I used to think his feet were there, because that is where I would feel him moving most, but now I think what I was feeling was him stretching, arching his back against the wall of my womb. Sometimes I feel what might be a leg or a knee above my belly button, but overall, he is sitting very low . . . I haven't felt any kicks under my ribs yet.
Soon, soon, I will need to change the title of this blog because he will be here! Or maybe I will start a new one . . . "Living with Baby" or something like that. :) Either way, we are so, so very lucky and I recognize that every day.
We love you, little man.
<3
Monday, March 12, 2012
34 Weeks!!
We are officially at 34 weeks and one day as I write this. Baby Hoffman is about 4.75 pounds (about the weight of a canteloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. Dang! Hard to believe there is that much of him all curled up inside me.
I haven't been writing a post for each appointment I've had lately--and there have been quite a few of them since I am seeing Dr. Stempel and seeing the Andaluz midwives concurrently. I also got in two visits with Dr. Dramov, my naturopath whom I had not seen in at least a couple of years. My plan is to catch up on posts starting next week, when I become a woman of leisure. Okay, okay, when I start my maternity leave. :) I only feel slightly guilty about leaving work five weeks before the baby's due date. Part of me is feeling like he might arrive a couple of weeks early, and I would really like to have some time at home to prepare. It's kind of funny to say that since I have been "ready" for him for so long. But now that it's getting down to the last few weeks, I find that there are so many things to do to get ready for his arrival. And one of those things is me--the mama. I need to prepare (or try to prepare) myself mentally for labor so that I can go into it feeling like I am in the best space possible.
For a quick update on how we are doing: we have his carseat (installed!), his crib and dresser/changing table (both unassembled), the crib mattress (still in plastic it came in), a slightly used glider rocker and ottoman (ready and waiting in the nursery), and a mountain of gift bags overflowing with sweet baby clothes and assorted gifts. :) I'd say we're doing all right.
This week I need to order his first set of cloth diapers and covers and get a couple of diaper changing pads and covers (one for upstairs and one for downstairs). I also need to go shopping for a couple of nursing bras or tank tops. If anybody has favorites or suggestions, I am open to them!
Mentally / emotionally my biggest challenge right now is feeling like I am not gaining enough weight. The most I have gained thus far in the pregnancy has been 10 pounds, and Dr. Stempel has said that it's fine because the baby has been measuring appropriately at all of my checkups. But the three midwives I've seen all think I need to gain more . . . especially since last Thursday when I was weighed and found to have lost four pounds in about a week. I think maybe the problem is that I eat a lot of fruits and veggies, but they don't have a lot of calories. And now that our little guy is putting on weight in preparation to join us in the outside world, he is taking more than before.
It's been stressful, but today I tried eating all day even when I wasn't hungry in the least--when I was in fact, still full from my last snack/meal. My stomach feels stretched super tight, but the crampiness I've been having off and on since Saturday has gotten better. Maybe more calories has helped . . . the french fries I got on my way home from work definitely tasted good!
More on this later--and I'll keep you posted on how much weight we put on between now and our little one's birthday.
<3
I haven't been writing a post for each appointment I've had lately--and there have been quite a few of them since I am seeing Dr. Stempel and seeing the Andaluz midwives concurrently. I also got in two visits with Dr. Dramov, my naturopath whom I had not seen in at least a couple of years. My plan is to catch up on posts starting next week, when I become a woman of leisure. Okay, okay, when I start my maternity leave. :) I only feel slightly guilty about leaving work five weeks before the baby's due date. Part of me is feeling like he might arrive a couple of weeks early, and I would really like to have some time at home to prepare. It's kind of funny to say that since I have been "ready" for him for so long. But now that it's getting down to the last few weeks, I find that there are so many things to do to get ready for his arrival. And one of those things is me--the mama. I need to prepare (or try to prepare) myself mentally for labor so that I can go into it feeling like I am in the best space possible.
For a quick update on how we are doing: we have his carseat (installed!), his crib and dresser/changing table (both unassembled), the crib mattress (still in plastic it came in), a slightly used glider rocker and ottoman (ready and waiting in the nursery), and a mountain of gift bags overflowing with sweet baby clothes and assorted gifts. :) I'd say we're doing all right.
This week I need to order his first set of cloth diapers and covers and get a couple of diaper changing pads and covers (one for upstairs and one for downstairs). I also need to go shopping for a couple of nursing bras or tank tops. If anybody has favorites or suggestions, I am open to them!
Mentally / emotionally my biggest challenge right now is feeling like I am not gaining enough weight. The most I have gained thus far in the pregnancy has been 10 pounds, and Dr. Stempel has said that it's fine because the baby has been measuring appropriately at all of my checkups. But the three midwives I've seen all think I need to gain more . . . especially since last Thursday when I was weighed and found to have lost four pounds in about a week. I think maybe the problem is that I eat a lot of fruits and veggies, but they don't have a lot of calories. And now that our little guy is putting on weight in preparation to join us in the outside world, he is taking more than before.
It's been stressful, but today I tried eating all day even when I wasn't hungry in the least--when I was in fact, still full from my last snack/meal. My stomach feels stretched super tight, but the crampiness I've been having off and on since Saturday has gotten better. Maybe more calories has helped . . . the french fries I got on my way home from work definitely tasted good!
More on this later--and I'll keep you posted on how much weight we put on between now and our little one's birthday.
<3
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Baby Hoffman's First Gifts
Our little one started receiving presents several weeks ago. The first three gift packages arrived by mail, two in amazon.com boxes which are always a welcome sight . . . the grin on the side of the box always makes me smile too.
His very first gift was a jungle lamp that we had registered for and then were told was no longer available. Imagine our surprise when it arrived in the mail! Michael was so excited since he was the one who initially found the lamp online. Besides that surprise, the baby also received his first book: Goodnight Moon. The bonus is that it came with a read-along CD. I'm thinking that will be fun for when he is older and we are riding in the car. The gifts were from my uncle Martin (my mother's brother) and his wife, Linda. It was so nice of them to think of us! And what a thrill for Michael and me to receive gifts that our son will be using and playing with in no time at all. It makes his coming even more real.
The next gifts we got were from our friends Erica and Paul. The funny story behind our friendship is that I met Erica while on a flight from Atlanta to Portland. We got to know one another pretty well over the course of a few hours and we've been able to keep in touch since thanks to the magic of Facebook and one other in-person visit. She and her husband sent a gift set of Burts Bees baby care products (yay!) and a baby monitor that we'd registered for at Target. It was so sweet and thoughtful of them to do that--especially since we don't see each other often or even correspond all that often.
Another amazon.com box arrived a week or so after Erica and Paul's box. It was from my cousin Rochelle and her husband Duncan and baby daughter, Eleanor. They sent some completely adorable swaddling blankets. One has a giraffe print and one has a monkey print (of course!) :) What's even better is that the monkeys are a bluish-purple color. So cute.
This little boy is already so loved by so many people. I keep telling him that and telling him how excited everyone is to meet him.
His very first gift was a jungle lamp that we had registered for and then were told was no longer available. Imagine our surprise when it arrived in the mail! Michael was so excited since he was the one who initially found the lamp online. Besides that surprise, the baby also received his first book: Goodnight Moon. The bonus is that it came with a read-along CD. I'm thinking that will be fun for when he is older and we are riding in the car. The gifts were from my uncle Martin (my mother's brother) and his wife, Linda. It was so nice of them to think of us! And what a thrill for Michael and me to receive gifts that our son will be using and playing with in no time at all. It makes his coming even more real.
The next gifts we got were from our friends Erica and Paul. The funny story behind our friendship is that I met Erica while on a flight from Atlanta to Portland. We got to know one another pretty well over the course of a few hours and we've been able to keep in touch since thanks to the magic of Facebook and one other in-person visit. She and her husband sent a gift set of Burts Bees baby care products (yay!) and a baby monitor that we'd registered for at Target. It was so sweet and thoughtful of them to do that--especially since we don't see each other often or even correspond all that often.
Another amazon.com box arrived a week or so after Erica and Paul's box. It was from my cousin Rochelle and her husband Duncan and baby daughter, Eleanor. They sent some completely adorable swaddling blankets. One has a giraffe print and one has a monkey print (of course!) :) What's even better is that the monkeys are a bluish-purple color. So cute.
 |
| Baby's First Gifts--And His New Carseat!! |
This little boy is already so loved by so many people. I keep telling him that and telling him how excited everyone is to meet him.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Birth Necklace From Kathleen
On a side note, I was thinking the other day how funny it is that she was due, and I am due in April . . . we must both have been destined to have spring babies. :)
Anyway, I got this package from Kathleen and inside it was a really beautiful necklace that reminds me of what a "birth necklace" might look like. Of course, right now I have no idea if I will want any jewelry (or clothing) whatsoever while I'm in labor, but when I picture myself in the tub, I can see myself wearing this necklace.
For now, I am wearing it while I am not in labor and every time I put it on, I smile. It reminds me that I am strong, that my body is made to give birth, that I have courage and resources deep within me that I have not even tapped as of yet.
Many thanks, Kathleen. I love it and I love you. <3
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