My Chinese Medicine Diagnosis and What I'm Doing

Well, I know this post is a little out of order since I still haven't finished writing about the retreat (I can't seem to catch up with my blog posts!), but I wanted to catch you up with what I've been doing and slowly adding to my daily routine / lifestyle.

A couple of weeks after I came back from the retreat, I got a six-page email from Liz, the Fertile Soul acupuncturist who evaluated me in North Carolina. She gave me my Chinese medicine diagnosis and a detailed list of treatment recommendations.

Randine told us at the retreat not to get "hung up" on any particular diagnosis (like endometriosis), because it does not define who we are and she said the same thing would apply to our Chinese medicine diagnoses. They are not static and will change as each of us follows our individual treatment plans.

That being said, here is the diagnosis I received:

• Spleen Qi Deficiency
• Blood Deficiency
• Blood Stasis
• Kidney Yang Deficiency
• Liver Qi Stagnation premenstrually

The treatment principles I received were:

• Supplement the Spleen
• Nourish Blood
• Invigorate Blood
• Warm and Fortify the Kidney Yang
• Course Liver Qi

There was a whole list of the herbs recommended for me, should I have chosen to have the herbal prescription filled here in Oregon and prepared them myself. I also got a list of acupuncture and acupressure points to stimulate either on my own or by a practitioner.

Many supplements were recommended as well and I started taking some of them right away (the ones I found easily at Whole Foods and New Seasons). One I had to order and some I have not yet incorporated into my regimen.

In her email, Liz re-emphasized what Randine had said at retreat: that I shouldn't stress myself out by trying to incorporate ALL of the recommendations at once. I should listen to my body and do what feels right to me, slowly adding more things as I feel ready. And if something they recommend doesn't feel "right," I should feel free not to do it at all. That part (the just doing what I can and having it be enough) has been a challenge, but so far I think I am "getting" it and am relaxing the determined stranglehold I once had on my fertility. I am letting go in order to receive.

Here is a list of the supplements I am currently taking:

• Wobenzym 2x/day, 45 min before food (a digestive enzyme that helps calm inflammatory conditions like endometriosis & helps invigorate Blood)
• Nattokinase 2x/day, 45 min before food (bacteria derived from soy that breaks down a clot after it has been formed--to help smooth out my menstrual flow & invigorate Blood)
• Fish oil 2,000 mg/day (helps reduce the inflammatory reaction to the endometrial cells)
• ISO-OPC 125-250mg/day (oligomeric proanthocyanidins--these do the same as the fish oil and also invigorate Blood and help boost my immune system since endo is often considered a type of auto-immune disorder)
• Multivitamin / prenatal (2 capsules, 2x/day)
• Vitamin D (not specifically recommended by the Fertile Soul, but I'm taking it because it was so low when I had my blood tested in April)
• Chinese herbs (1 packet, 2x/day, 30 min before food or 60 min after--these are split into the follicular and luteal phase herbs; my understanding is that the herbs work twofold: to heal the endometriosis already present and to "encourage an inner working so that the body can take over on its own")
• Red Raspberry Leaf (1 capsule, 1x/day, to strengthen my uterus and help decrease monthly cramping)

Besides the supplements, I have started incorporating some of the other suggestions, but not on a daily basis. I do them here and there, as time allows and I feel like I want to do them.

They are:

• Abdominal massage (before ovulation) w/castor oil
• Microcosmic breathing--a breathing exercise that is intended to bring the breath back to the reproductive organs and to bring my awareness into my body. I have taken to turning off the radio and doing it on my way to and from work.
• Dry skin brushing--stimulates the skin and gets it available as an organ of elimination, to increase in detoxifcation.
• Yoga postures--I have just started trying to wake up a few minutes earlier each morning to start my day with a couple of postures like Tree and Balancing Stick. I also do a hip roll (opening the pelvis) move from my Qi Gong DVD (more on this later).
• Fertility serum essential oil drops (not suggested by the Fertile Soul, but they were fine with me using the serum--I just can't wear it to work because of people who may be sensitive to scents, so usually I use it on the weekends or before bed).

I am also following the Spleen Qi diet that Randine talks about in The Infertility Cure. It's basically a version of the endometriosis diet I have been following since last fall. The biggest things to avoid are sugar, dairy and wheat. The next are caffeine, alcohol and processed foods and chemicals.

I was rereading some of my notes today that I took during the retreat and I came upon something I needed to see. Randine kept talking about how women who have been trying to conceive for awhile often become very inflexible about what they will and won't do. This includes what they consume, the body products they use, the household cleaning products they use, etc. They try to control everything that might be "bad" for getting pregnant, and in turn, they become depressed and frustrated which leads them to become even more desperate and controlling of outside circumstances. Randine advised us to follow the recommendations we feel fit us best, but not to become obsessive about them. She said that rigidity and the need to control are not conducive to conception and to "follow your pull, where the sense of rightness is."

When I reread these notes today, I had to smile and nod in agreement, because the last couple of days I have felt that old voice of judgment in my ear, telling me what I have done correctly and what I have not done that I "should" have done. I knew it was time to give myself a break and have a treat.

So when Michael took me out to dinner tonight for my birthday, I ordered a virgin pina colada. It came with whip cream and I ate it. And it was very, very good.

<3

Exciting News!

Yesterday I noticed something that seems pretty significant and tells me that what I am doing so far is working to help my body heal! (I am SUPER excited about it!)

Chinese medicine practitioners often look at a person's tongue as part of the diagnostic / evaluation process before treatment. In massage school, one of our instructors was a naturopathic doctor and also an acupuncturist and he told us that if the veins under the tongue are swollen it's a sign of blood stasis--not an ideal condition for the body to be working at its maximum potential.

I've checked underneath my tongue periodically since then and I've always seen engorged, thick veins . . . until yesterday! I was getting ready for work and had just finished brushing my teeth when I thought about those veins and wondered if I would see a difference yet. I was absolutely floored when I curled my tongue up and saw small, narrow veins snaking underneath. Success! This one small change in my body has boosted my morale tremendously. I don't know if it's from the herbal pouches or the other supplements I am taking that were recommended by the Fertile Soul, (or a combination), but I don't care. The blood stasis (a symptom of endometriosis) is resolving and I couldn't be happier about it. :)

So Far, So Good!

I am on the third day of drinking my herbal tea packets and I am very happy to inform you all that so far everything has stayed in my stomach where it belongs. :) I've developed a routine for taking the packets, since they have to be taken either 30 min before food or an hour after: I drink 1 packet in the morning right before I leave the house for work and then drink another one before I leave work around 6:30pm. That way I have breakfast and dinner to take the aftertaste of the herbs away. I keep them refrigerated and put the packet in very hot water for about 30 seconds to warm it up a bit before I drink it. The trick to keep from feeling queasy is to plug my nose so I can't smell it as I drink it, and then I take little sips until it's gone. I guzzled the first packet and knew immediately afterward that that was not a good idea. :) But all in all, the herbs are much, much, much easier to take than I thought they would be. I can't figure out how to describe the taste . . . it's not at all sweet, but not really bitter either. I asked Michael if he thought I would eventually get used to it and he said yes . . . the same thing happened a few years ago when I was taking a naturopathic supplement called Estrium to help regulate my cycle. It was a powder that I mixed with juice and it didn't taste good at all. I had to plug my nose then too, to get it down, but eventually, I got used to it and it didn't bother me much at all.

We'll see, I guess. I'm just happy that I can handle them! Randine talked about how difficult it was for her when she took herbs to help her conceive and how she couldn't keep them down, so I was expecting a similar experience. Glad to be wrong this time!

The Herbs Have Arrived!

I ordered my first shipment of herbs last week from the supplier recommended by The Fertile Soul, Fat Turtle Herb Company. I was expecting them to arrive last Friday and even had my friend check at the house over the weekend while Michael and I were in Seattle, so that my precious cargo could be brought safely inside right away. But it wasn't until today that UPS made a stop at our house. I got a text from Michael while I was at work: You got a big box of HERB. ;) Nice.

When I got home, he said how surprised he was by the weight of the box. He thought I was expecting dried herbs. I explained that I ordered the pre-cooked teas, which come in convenient vacuum-sealed bags, in measured doses. My other choice would have been to buy the dry herbs and then spend 40 minutes a day (every day) boiling them. What with work and my commute, I decided to fork over the extra money and enjoy the pre-made teas. The box contained 4 paper bags full of tea packets. There are enough doses for 1 month's cycle, drinking 1 pouch of tea in the morning and 1 in the evening. The first 2 weeks during the follicular phase, I will drink a formula created for my by The Fertile Soul, based off of the diagnosis I received while at the retreat. The second 2 weeks of my cycle, during the luteal phase, I will drink a different formula, again based on my individual diagnosis. After 1-3 months, the Fertile Soul will review my case and see if my formula needs to be adjusted. I am excited!!!

I decided to start them tomorrow morning and see how I do . . . my biggest fear is not being able to keep them down. Wish me luck! :)

The Retreat, Continued . . .

I wanted to write a bit more about the retreat and about the rest of our big adventure in the south--for a life-changing adventure it was!

My mom and I spent all day Thursday, May 20, in the air or catching connecting flights. The soft-spoken United Airways ticket agent in Portland was nice enough to arrange our seats so we could sit together on all three flights, which I know eased my mom's fears about flying. Aside from having to conduct a mad dash from one side of the airport to the other in Charlotte, N.C., it was a smooth day of travel and we had a nice time relaxing and catching up with each other.

We landed in Asheville, N.C. around 9:30p.m. and my friend Matthew met us there and then drove us to nearby Greeneville, TN where he lives with his wife, Kathleen and their little boy, Jackson. I was Kathleen's doula for Jackson's homebirth two years ago, and she and Matthew are the friends who flew Michael and I around the country with them last summer, to GA, NC, NY and for me, FL. It had been nearly a year since we had seen them, but right away, it felt like we had never been apart. It's like that with good friends, I have found. :)

We were able to chat with them a bit over tea before we headed for bed. They showed us around the 100 year-old farmhouse they are renovating for some friends back in Oregon, and introduced us to their brand-new baby chicks! The little peepers were temporarily housed in a cooler with a heat lamp, food and water and lots of straw while they grow big enough to make the move to the great outdoors. Jackson was asleep for the night, but I heard him the next morning as he greeted the chicks in their cooler with a hearty "Baby Chickens!" It was so neat to see him a year older and so much changed from the baby he was last year . . . I loved hearing him talk and the way he said "okay!" at the end of each sentence: "Ride in the red truck, okay!" It was always a declaration, never a question. Jackson took to my mom right away and kept taking her index finger in his whole hand and pulling as his way of asking her to come see something.



Friday morning I awoke to a beautiful, sunny day--so different from the rain and gray skies we'd been having in Oregon for weeks. We all gathered on the back porch of the farmhouse and I glided back and forth on the porch swing while I sipped my morning herbal tea. There are no visible neighbors from the front, back or sides of the farmhouse and I reveled in the peaceful seclusion. My mom picked a huge bowl of strawberries from a patch near the house while Kathleen and I planted an army of tomato plants. Jackson ran back and forth between us and Matthew who was using the weed whacker--he'd only have it running for a few minutes, then would shut it off as Jackson came running over to see it.


My mom, Kathleen, Jackson and I piled in the car in the early afternoon and headed off to Asheville so I could check-in for the retreat at 4pm. What I noticed right away upon seeing the Grove Park Inn, is that its website definitely does not do justice to the beauty of the place. I loved the red roof in contrast with the dark stone walls and the lovely old pieces of pottery, china, quilt samples, and antique furniture displayed throughout its halls. I am a sucker for places with history and this inn is certainly one of them. There is even a plaque mounted on the door of the suite where Barack Obama stayed (I believe) the night before his speech at the democratic convention. :)

After we checked in and got our room keycards, I headed to the 8th floor for the retreat conference room and left mom to unpack and relax a bit.

I think one of the first things I noticed when I walked in the room were the Costco-sized boxes of Kleenex placed strategically here and there next to the chairs where we would be sitting. It was at that point that I had my first thought of Oh boy, I'm not sure I'm ready for where this is heading. It wasn't that I didn't think there would be tears from at least some of us over the course of the weekend--attending two Resolve support group meetings had shown me the need to have tissues on hand when women get together to talk about fertility challenges. But I think I had arrived full of optimism and expecting more of a weekend of rah-rah, sis boom-bah, we're-all-going-to-go-home-and-get-pregnant activities and lectures. The presence of the Kleenex right off the bat told me I may be about to come face-to-face with some uncomfortable thoughts and feelings--from myself and from the other retreat participants.

There were 15 of us: 4 married couples and 7 of us women who had left our partners at home. I liked how the room was arranged. Each person had a low-slung chair with a rectangular pillow that could be placed behind the back for comfort, and a soft chenille blanket in case we got cold. A retreat binder and pen was on each chair, full of resources to be used during the retreat and once we got home. A nearby table held bottles of water, a selection of tea packets and hot water. Everyone had a nametag ready and waiting for them.

Those first hours of the retreat consisted of the introductions, as we went around the group and each person spoke for a few minutes about his / her fertility journey thus far. I was surprised that the majority of the people there were experiencing "secondary infertility" meaning they already had at least one child but were having trouble either conceiving or carrying a subsequent pregnancy to term. Randine addressed the issue right away, explaining that just because someone already had a child, didn't mean they weren't going through the same pain and struggle those of us who have never had a child or even been pregnant are experiencing. Her words made sense and I could see that the desire for a child might be the same, but in terms of the experience, I could not see it (and still really can't see it), as being the same. It wasn't that I begrudged them for having children whereas I do not; it was that my heart felt a need to connect with someone in nearly identical circumstances . . . I didn't get that sense of connection with any one person at the retreat, but I did upon returning home. A woman from my Resolve support group met me one afternoon after work last week and we swapped experiences and stories. She, like me, also has endometriosis and she, like me, is trying to have a baby using acupuncture, herbs, yoga and naturopathic medicine.

Friday evening, after the first session of the retreat, I had my Chinese medicine evaluation and acupuncture treatment with our Asheville-based Fertile Soul practitioner. She took an in-depth health history, mostly talking with me about the forms and questionnaires I had filled out and faxed to her before ever leaving Portland. Having had several years of experience seeing natural medicine practitioners (as well as having been trained as one myself), the taking of an in-depth health history intake is no surprise to me. What was surprising were the questions posed in the Chinese medicine forms. The questions give the practitioner an idea of which Chinese medicine organ system (s) is / are out of balance, and then recommendations can be made to begin to unravel the tangles and smooth out the flow of qi (energy) in the body.

This is what I have gleaned so far of the theory of how Chinese medicine works: it is the unimpeded flow of qi through the body that makes a person healthy in body, mind and spirit and if there are physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual blocks in the flow, the person will not function at his / her maximum potential and symptoms will manifest. Sometimes an area is deficient in qi, or there is an excess of qi. These situations also mean imbalance. Instead of covering up the symptoms with pills or surgery, Chinese medicine seeks to go to the source of the problem and correct it using things like herbs and acupuncture / acupressure, diet, massage, meditation, and movement exercise like qi gong to remove the symptoms while at the same time resolve the problem.

One of the most impacting messages I got from the retreat was that these are all tools and there is no magic combination that will produce the desired results. What each person must do is choose which tools feel most beneficial to him / her and leave what doesn't feel right. And the message I felt most deeply at the very core of my being in terms of my fertility was this: each woman must balance her physical, emotional, mental and spiritual states on her own. Without being balanced in all areas, conception will not occur.

I questioned Liz about this theory, saying that I have seen women who (in my judgmental eyes) seem less balanced than myself but who become pregnant. Her observation was that that may have been true, but the woman may not realize she is imbalanced and so there is no internal struggle. For someone like me, who has never been comfortable in her skin, the imbalance is apparent, meaning I have always been aware of it, and conception is unlikely to occur until that is changed.

What she said made sense. What the retreat taught me is that I must do my own inner work to get right with myself on every level before I will truly be ready to bring life into this world. I feel the resistance to it--it's the same resistance I have felt since I was about 22 years old when I took a course in college called "Techniques of Relaxation." We learned about and practiced different types of meditation and about being aware of the present moment. I knew instinctively that there was more I needed to learn about myself, but I didn't want to put in the time and the discipline to do so. Since that time I've gone to self-help lectures, bought the audio cds, read the books, etc. searching, searching, always searching for someone else's truth that will be the key to my own. What Randine taught me at the retreat was that I alone hold my key and I alone must learn how to use it.

More on the retreat and on our vacation coming soon!