We have officially begun what I hope will be our IVF cycle . . . barring any more snafoos with OHSU. I am doing my best to go with the flow, but sometimes it's tough.
So last Friday was Day 1 of my period. I called OHSU and left a message with a receptionist that we are due to begin our IVF cycle and that I was instructed to call with the beginning of menses. She said (as they always do) that she would send an urgent message to the nursing staff and someone would get back to me. I waited. And waited. And waited. I made sure my phone was in my pocket every time I left my desk and that the volume was as loud as it would go. Still, by nearly 4p.m. I had heard nothing from them. I remembered Eileen warning me that they closed at 4 or 4:30 and to make sure to call back if no one returned my call. Since it was Friday, and since I didn't know if I would need to start any meds over the weekend, I figured I should call back.
I talked to a different receptionist, a very nice guy named Nathan. I explained the situation and he said he would send another urgent message to the nurses but that if I still hadn't heard anything by 5:30, I should call again and I would be routed directly to the hospital as their clinic would be closed. He said I should ask for the fertility doctor on call. I told him I would, but hoped it wouldn't come to that--it seemed like too minor of a thing to be paging an on-call doctor about.
I did get a call just before 5 from the fertility clinic and the woman I spoke with seemed like she was in a hurry, no doubt because they were getting ready to leave for the weekend. She confirmed that I was getting ready for an IVF cycle (yes! at least she knew it was IVF and not IUI), and then said she would look through my chart to make sure we had completed all of the necessary prerequisites. After a moment or two she said she couldn't find Michael's STD test results. I told her that I was pretty sure I had emailed them. I knew I had tried sending them via OHSU's "MyChart" mail system, and had left at least two messages about them with no response from the office staff. I'd also mentioned it to Dr. Patton when he'd called with Michael's semen analysis results, but the doctor was at home when he called and didn't know if they had received the bloodwork results or not. I felt a little nervous at this point because here we were at the start of my period and they couldn't find his paperwork. Then she said she couldn't find my STD test results and that irritated me because I handed them to a receptionist when I was in for my trial transfer May 10th. I told her so, but she said she still couldn't find the results and was I absolutely sure that I had completed all of the prerequisites? I know she probably didn't mean to come across the way she did, but I felt like a child being reprimanded. I told her that I was certain we had done everything on the list we'd been given. She sounded like she was doing me a huge favor when she said that she would go ahead and call in a birth control prescription for me to start on Sunday (Day 3), but that she was leaving herself a big note to follow up on this on Monday and if they couldn't find my paperwork, we might not be able to continue with the IVF cycle. What could I do? I agreed and hung up the phone, but was hurt by her attitude and by how our experience thus far has been mostly not user-friendly. More on this later.
I got my prescription filled and began taking it on Sunday. So far it's mostly as I remember the Pill being when I first began taking it years ago. It's a bit too strong, so I have a slightly upset stomach most of the time. It's nothing I can't handle, just a bummer that I feel this way without being pregnant yet. I tell myself it's just a precursor of what is to come and to get used to it. :)
Saturday I had another appointment with Jelena for acupuncture (I see her every Saturday now and will up it to twice a week once we get closer to retrieval and transfer). After my appointment I had some time to myself before my next appointment so I spent a lovely couple of hours checking out a Friends of the Library (Multnomah County) bookstore on NW 23rd and having lunch at my favorite Chinese restaurant. I think the restaurant was the best part of my day because it was sunny out (!) and I had my own little table under an umbrella on their back patio. I had my tea, my egg flower soup, egg roll and cashew chicken with rice. Mostly, I had some time to myself and even though I did read a bit of one of the books I had just bought, I spent a lot of time breathing and enjoying the moment I was in. I haven't gone to a restaurant like that by myself in a very long time (if ever), but it was lovely, and I know I will do it again soon.
After lunch it was on to my abdominal massage appointment with Corrine. She didn't do any deep work over my womb or ovaries since it was only Day 2 of my cycle, but she was able to do some important upper abdominal and thoracic work, releasing tension related to my chronic arm injury. I almost completely fell asleep when I was on my tummy and she was working on my sacrum. I was able to relax so deeply, and I knew that my body really needed it. After nearly 2 hours with Corrine, I was feeling absolutely wonderful, as you can imagine. My homework is to continue with the castor oil packs and self massage, until the egg retrieval part of the IVF cycle.
Monday I was expecting to get a call from OHSU saying that they still couldn't find my paperwork and I was prepared to do what I had to do in order to make this cycle a go. I brought our records with me to work and planned to fax them if need be on my lunch break. I got a call around 11 from the same lady I had spoken with on Friday and she was very pleasant, saying that they had all of our paperwork and that everything was just fine and we were on track for IVF. I tried not to notice that she didn't apologize for what had happened on Friday, but it peeved me. She did get us scheduled for an appointment on July 11th to meet with a nurse who will instruct us on how to do the injectable medications (the ones that will cause my ovaries to produce and mature a bunch of follicles). It's an hour and a half long appointment, so I think we will just try to take the whole day off.
Also on Monday, I got a call from Attain, the company recommended by OHSU, which offers multi-cycle plans at a discount and / or refund, which helps take some of the stress out of IVF. I called back, but they are on the east coast, so I just left a message. I heard back today (which was impressive), but still wasn't able to speak with anyone directly. I called them back and left my email account so they could send me a contract to sign and submit.
When I got home, sure enough there was the document, but it was the wrong one. A couple of weeks ago I had spoken with the financial counselor at OHSU and thought I was clear about which plan we wanted to sign up for. I guess I wasn't because when she contacted Attain for us, she told them we wanted a different one--a more expensive one. The kicker is that there are still things we need to do in order to get the financing worked out--we have to read and sign the contract and send it back to them with copies of our driver's licenses and make sure we've been approved for a loan. We should be okay on that end, as we already applied with Springstone, the loan company that OHSU recommended. Again, just disappointing in that OHSU basically stays out of the financing part of the experience. The most they did was give us the phone number for the loan company so we could apply on our own and give Attain the wrong information about which plan we want to do. Frustrating.
I feel like this post is mostly me complaining, which isn't my intent. I could gloss over everything, but I want to keep a record of what we are doing. I want those of you following our story to know a little more about what couples dealing with fertility challenges go through. If any of you reading this are nurses or doctors, or assistants or receptionists in a medical office or other healthcare setting, I hope you will be patient with us and try to understand that we are navigating what to us are the brand-new and often confusing waters of ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology) Land. I hope that you will take a little extra time to really look through an IUI or IVF patient's file before calling her and telling her that you can't find her paperwork and hinting that maybe she has dropped the ball and will have to wait another month to begin what to her is the most important cycle she's ever had. I hope that you will be big enough and brave enough to say you're sorry when the office hasn't returned her calls or emails and that you won't take the easy way out and blame the problem on staff turnover. We're not trying to make your job harder or annoy you. We are looking for compassion and a friendly voice letting us know that we are not in this alone. To you it may be "just a job," but to us, it's our child--the one most of us will not have without your help.
I guess that's enough of me being on my soapbox. I know we'll get there. It's just that sometimes the journey is a little much, you know?
Tomorrow I will call Attain and explain the mix-up and hopefully we will be able to get this straightened out before we leave on Thursday for San Francisco. What worries me is that all the financing is supposed to be done at least 2 weeks before starting injections . . . which is about where we are at right now.
Did I mention how glad I am we are going on vacation on Thursday? :)
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Mayan Abdominal Massage
Last Thursday I had a session with Corrine Porterfield-Brown, the massage therapist I saw a couple of times about three years ago. Her specialty is Mayan Abdominal Massage (MAM), which is a type of therapeutic bodywork based on the Maya technique of abdominal massage. The descriptive paragraph in a pamphlet I picked up describes it as "an external, non-invasive manipulation that repositions internal organs that have shifted, thereby restricting the flow of blood, lymph, nerve and chi." The techniques were developed by Dr. Rosita Arvigo, who has lived in Central America for over 30 years and studied with the celebrated Mayan shaman of Belize, Don Elijio Panti.
What I like about MAM is that it not only produces the physical effects of increasing blood and lymph flow, and encourages organs (like the womb), to gently find their most ideal positions, but also addresses the emotional and spiritual aspects of each person and how those parts of us need healing as well. It is a type of bodywork that is more intimate and requires more trust than a regular Swedish massage, since the practitioner is working very close to the genital area. MAM helps bring focus and attention inward and uses the client's intuition to uncover insights she/he may be missing--hence the emotional and spiritual healing. In my experience, it is also extremely nurturing massage. Every time I have had a session, I've felt supported and almost cradled like a child.
My session with Corrine was wonderful and just what I needed. It, like the qigong, helped ground me in my body, where I feel I need to be in order to get through what may prove to be an intense cycle of IVF. I, like many people, am constantly "in my head," analyzing and ruminating about situations and experiences, which for me contributes to anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. During my session I was made really aware of the importance of breath, especially when feeling nervous or disconnected. Corrine suggested that I breath into my womb, which I've been practicing and which I've found causes me to breathe more deeply (instead of just into my upper chest), and brings me back to myself.
From this space, I can ask myself a question and tap into my intuition. I can ask "What do I need to do to feel more calm?" and see an image of myself sitting quietly, meditating as I do for a short time before my qigong practice. When I did this during my session on Thursday, I felt again, how important it is for me to do qigong or yoga every day--not just to try to get pregnant, but to feel like I am in a calm state and that I can handle whatever comes my way.
Corrine did some work on my sacrum (the flat, triangular bone at the end of the spine), which felt amazingly good and reminded me of just how long it's been since I've had a massage--far too long. She reviewed the self-care massage techniques with me, which was a good refresher. I can use them to encourage my womb to stay in the most optimal position for pregnancy. During my massage, Corrine discovered that she (my womb) was resting in my abdomen toward the right instead of center. The gentle massage toward the midline of my body helps her to shift and hopefully stay in a centered position. Since my appointment on Thursday, I've done the self-care daily, along with a castor oil pack treatment and qigong session. Time-consuming, but good.
I feel now like I have more tools going into IVF, which will help me stay in a good place and remind me that no matter what happens, everything will be all right. Everything will be as it should be.
I see Corrine for another session on June 25th. I'll let you know how it goes.
What I like about MAM is that it not only produces the physical effects of increasing blood and lymph flow, and encourages organs (like the womb), to gently find their most ideal positions, but also addresses the emotional and spiritual aspects of each person and how those parts of us need healing as well. It is a type of bodywork that is more intimate and requires more trust than a regular Swedish massage, since the practitioner is working very close to the genital area. MAM helps bring focus and attention inward and uses the client's intuition to uncover insights she/he may be missing--hence the emotional and spiritual healing. In my experience, it is also extremely nurturing massage. Every time I have had a session, I've felt supported and almost cradled like a child.
My session with Corrine was wonderful and just what I needed. It, like the qigong, helped ground me in my body, where I feel I need to be in order to get through what may prove to be an intense cycle of IVF. I, like many people, am constantly "in my head," analyzing and ruminating about situations and experiences, which for me contributes to anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. During my session I was made really aware of the importance of breath, especially when feeling nervous or disconnected. Corrine suggested that I breath into my womb, which I've been practicing and which I've found causes me to breathe more deeply (instead of just into my upper chest), and brings me back to myself.
From this space, I can ask myself a question and tap into my intuition. I can ask "What do I need to do to feel more calm?" and see an image of myself sitting quietly, meditating as I do for a short time before my qigong practice. When I did this during my session on Thursday, I felt again, how important it is for me to do qigong or yoga every day--not just to try to get pregnant, but to feel like I am in a calm state and that I can handle whatever comes my way.
Corrine did some work on my sacrum (the flat, triangular bone at the end of the spine), which felt amazingly good and reminded me of just how long it's been since I've had a massage--far too long. She reviewed the self-care massage techniques with me, which was a good refresher. I can use them to encourage my womb to stay in the most optimal position for pregnancy. During my massage, Corrine discovered that she (my womb) was resting in my abdomen toward the right instead of center. The gentle massage toward the midline of my body helps her to shift and hopefully stay in a centered position. Since my appointment on Thursday, I've done the self-care daily, along with a castor oil pack treatment and qigong session. Time-consuming, but good.
I feel now like I have more tools going into IVF, which will help me stay in a good place and remind me that no matter what happens, everything will be all right. Everything will be as it should be.
I see Corrine for another session on June 25th. I'll let you know how it goes.
Seven Weeks for Eileen
I had lunch with Eileen yesterday. It was the first time we'd seen each other since knowing she is officially pregnant. The last time was a couple of days after her transfer. We were planning to eat at my favorite Chinese restaurant in the Pearl District, but Eileen wasn't sure she could handle it; she's been experiencing some fairly strong morning sickness lately. We opted for a Laughing Planet cafe across the street, where she could get a smoothie. I had a bean and spinach burrito which was really very good.
I think she was a little apprehensive about seeing me--maybe unsure of how I would react to her new pregnant state. She said a couple of times that she wanted to know about how I am doing, and didn't really tell me how she is feeling until I told her I wanted to know and that I am happy for her. Lord knows she deserves to be pregnant after trying for three long years and being unsuccessful with several artificial insemination procedures.
I won't lie--it wasn't easy at first, hearing about her pregnancy, as it never is. I went through a couple of days of "poor me," but that feeling passed (as it always does), and in all truth, I am kind of relieved that she has paved the way by going through the IVF process first. I know our experiences won't be exactly the same, but at least I have a little better idea of how things will happen once Michael and I start our own IVF cycle. And when I think about the egg retrieval and get a little spark of anxiety in my belly, I tell myself that Eileen did it, and so can I.
She very graciously loaned me a different fertility affirmations CD than the one I have been listening to in the car, to and from work, as well as a couple of fertility yoga DVDs. I 'm really looking forward to trying the yoga because as much as I like the Nurturing Woman qigong that I've been doing, I've missed the stretch my body gets by doing poses.
Eileen and her husband have "graduated" from OHSU since the ultrasound they had last week showed that one of those little baby beginnings that was transferred into her womb has turned into a tiny beating heart. She said it was a pretty incredible experience to see and hear her baby's heartbeat. I can only imagine how it would feel after trying to get pregnant for such a long time. I know I will be crying when it's my turn.
Now they wait a couple more weeks, then go in for an ultrasound at their new health clinic to make sure that the baby is continuing to grow.
Her due date is January 26th.
Again, I want to thank each of you who sent your good wishes to Eileen and her little embryos when she was having her egg retrieval and transfer. I know that your thoughts and prayers helped her, without you ever having met her. Please continue to send her encouragement and thoughts of strength and love, as this is still a fragile time for her, fraught with anxiety that something could go wrong. And even though she is pregnant, it's so early on that it really hasn't become real for her yet . . . she is still very much feeling as she did when she was one of the many, many women who struggle to conceive and are faced with heartbreak every month. I think it will be awhile yet before she feels like she has crossed over to the land of diapers and car seats--and maybe she never will. Maybe this journey will leave her slightly apart in an emotional sense from those who have not used fertility services to have their children. It remains to be seen.
I'll keep you updated.
I think she was a little apprehensive about seeing me--maybe unsure of how I would react to her new pregnant state. She said a couple of times that she wanted to know about how I am doing, and didn't really tell me how she is feeling until I told her I wanted to know and that I am happy for her. Lord knows she deserves to be pregnant after trying for three long years and being unsuccessful with several artificial insemination procedures.
I won't lie--it wasn't easy at first, hearing about her pregnancy, as it never is. I went through a couple of days of "poor me," but that feeling passed (as it always does), and in all truth, I am kind of relieved that she has paved the way by going through the IVF process first. I know our experiences won't be exactly the same, but at least I have a little better idea of how things will happen once Michael and I start our own IVF cycle. And when I think about the egg retrieval and get a little spark of anxiety in my belly, I tell myself that Eileen did it, and so can I.
She very graciously loaned me a different fertility affirmations CD than the one I have been listening to in the car, to and from work, as well as a couple of fertility yoga DVDs. I 'm really looking forward to trying the yoga because as much as I like the Nurturing Woman qigong that I've been doing, I've missed the stretch my body gets by doing poses.
Eileen and her husband have "graduated" from OHSU since the ultrasound they had last week showed that one of those little baby beginnings that was transferred into her womb has turned into a tiny beating heart. She said it was a pretty incredible experience to see and hear her baby's heartbeat. I can only imagine how it would feel after trying to get pregnant for such a long time. I know I will be crying when it's my turn.
Now they wait a couple more weeks, then go in for an ultrasound at their new health clinic to make sure that the baby is continuing to grow.
Her due date is January 26th.
Again, I want to thank each of you who sent your good wishes to Eileen and her little embryos when she was having her egg retrieval and transfer. I know that your thoughts and prayers helped her, without you ever having met her. Please continue to send her encouragement and thoughts of strength and love, as this is still a fragile time for her, fraught with anxiety that something could go wrong. And even though she is pregnant, it's so early on that it really hasn't become real for her yet . . . she is still very much feeling as she did when she was one of the many, many women who struggle to conceive and are faced with heartbreak every month. I think it will be awhile yet before she feels like she has crossed over to the land of diapers and car seats--and maybe she never will. Maybe this journey will leave her slightly apart in an emotional sense from those who have not used fertility services to have their children. It remains to be seen.
I'll keep you updated.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Michael's Results are IN . . .
. . . and they are amazing. :)
After trying to reach OHSU for a week via emails and phone calls, I decided to just let it go for a couple of days since I wasn't hearing back and it was making me upset. (The financial counselor did call on Thursday and again yesterday, but I was at work and though I was trying to have my phone with me at all times, I still ended up missing her calls. Now I have her direct number so I feel confident we'll get the financial stuff squared away this coming week.)
Just after 9PM last night, my phone started ringing. I ran to see who it was and didn't recognize the number, but answered it anyway. It was Dr. Patton! I was pretty floored he was calling that late and told him that I hoped he wasn't still at work on a Friday night. :) I guess he was trying to get caught up on some work from home. I was so happy to finally get the results that all my unhappiness at not receiving the results in a timely manner pretty much vanished. Then when he gave me the results I was even happier because they were outstanding.
He had the results from Michael's test on May 10th of course, but I guess since he was calling from home and didn't have my chart with him, he only had an old test from 2008 done at OHSU with which to compare numbers. I have a copy of his test from early October of 2010 (which is pretty much identical to his results from the 2008 test), and so I checked it against the most recent result.
(Drum roll) And the results of Michael's semen analysis are:
2008/2010 test:
I have crested another hill on this roller coaster ride, and am feeling the breeze on my face and the sun on my shoulders. Thank goodness for the "ups," or the downs would just be too hard to take.
After trying to reach OHSU for a week via emails and phone calls, I decided to just let it go for a couple of days since I wasn't hearing back and it was making me upset. (The financial counselor did call on Thursday and again yesterday, but I was at work and though I was trying to have my phone with me at all times, I still ended up missing her calls. Now I have her direct number so I feel confident we'll get the financial stuff squared away this coming week.)
Just after 9PM last night, my phone started ringing. I ran to see who it was and didn't recognize the number, but answered it anyway. It was Dr. Patton! I was pretty floored he was calling that late and told him that I hoped he wasn't still at work on a Friday night. :) I guess he was trying to get caught up on some work from home. I was so happy to finally get the results that all my unhappiness at not receiving the results in a timely manner pretty much vanished. Then when he gave me the results I was even happier because they were outstanding.
He had the results from Michael's test on May 10th of course, but I guess since he was calling from home and didn't have my chart with him, he only had an old test from 2008 done at OHSU with which to compare numbers. I have a copy of his test from early October of 2010 (which is pretty much identical to his results from the 2008 test), and so I checked it against the most recent result.
(Drum roll) And the results of Michael's semen analysis are:
2008/2010 test:
- 5 million count (20 is considered "normal" by western medical standards)
- 52% motility (refers to how well the sperm move; more than 50% is normal)
- 19% morphology (refers to the shape of the sperm; 30% and above is normal)
- 16 million count (Wow!!)
- 86% motility (Amazing!)
- 29% morphology (Fabulous!)
I have crested another hill on this roller coaster ride, and am feeling the breeze on my face and the sun on my shoulders. Thank goodness for the "ups," or the downs would just be too hard to take.
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