Clomiphene Challenge Part II: The Honeymoon is Definitely Over

The anticipation and sense of moving forward that I felt after our first meeting with Dr. Hesla at Oregon Reproductive Medicine wavered at our second meeting when he mentioned artificial insemination after we'd already established that invitrofertilization would be the best option for us, wobbled even more on Wednesday when I had my second blood draw and finally came crashing down around my ears today, on Day 10 of my cycle, the last day of the Clomiphene Challenge.

 I am so very angry as I sit typing this blog post, and I know that a good part of what I am feeling is due to my jacked-up hormone level from the Clomid, but still I feel that we have not been treated well at ORM and I refuse to let it slide anymore. I'll back up a few days and blog about my experience there last Wednesday--which I initially decided not to blog about because I decided that perhaps it was just an honest mistake and that just maybe, I was jumping to conclusions and being overly judgmental (something I know is true about myself and which I am trying very hard to change).

So . . .Wednesday I was scheduled at the Barnes road office for a 1p.m. blood draw. Since it is just a hop, skip and a jump down Hwy 26 from our office in Hillsboro, I figured I should certainly be able to make it there and back within my one hour lunch break. I was sadly mistaken. I walked in the office at 1p.m. and gave my name to the receptionist. I can't remember if I told her I was there for a blood draw, but did tell her the time of my appointment. She instructed me to have a seat and said that someone would be with me shortly. I was the only person in the waiting room, so I didn't think I would be there long. I closed my eyes and practiced breathing deeply. I opened them when the door opened and another couple walked in to the office.

The woman checked herself in with the receptionist and was taken back after only a few minutes of waiting. When the nurse came to get her, I noticed that it was the same nurse I had had the previous Sunday for my initial blood draw--as well as the nurse who'd taken my vitals during the initial consult two weeks earlier. She saw me and smiled and said, "I'll be back for you in just a minute." I thought, "Great! She obviously remembers me, and I'll be out of here in a jiffy."

Now it was just her husband / partner and me in the waiting room. We flipped through magazines and I continued trying to be patient. It couldn't be much longer, right? After all, I was only here for a blood draw. The door opened (finally!) and the nurse looked at me and gestured to come back (I was still the only woman in the office), so naturally, I assumed she meant me, still assuming, from our previous two experiences together, that she knew who I was. Can you see where this is going? I jumped up and asked her how she was.

As I passed through the doorway into the back office area, and she answered my question, I could have sworn she called me "Julianne." The next words out of her mouth confirmed my suspicion. "I'd like you to just empty your bladder before I show you into the examing room."

 I raised my eyebrows. "For a blood draw?"

Then I saw recognition in her eyes and she became flustered. Now at this point I really wasn't angry about the mix-up (it came later, the more I thought about it). Mostly I felt embarrassed for her, and wondered if I had done something to lead her to believe I was the patient she thought I was--Julianne. I ended up going back out into the waiting room to wait again. Several more minutes passed and then a different nurse came for me and took me back to draw my blood. I was finished in about three minutes and headed for the car, still mostly bemused and thinking what I would say to Michael who was waiting for me.

We talked about it and thought it was definitely odd, especially since I had seen the nurse twice already and we'd had quite a conversation the last time. (She revealed that we share the same last name and was asking me if I have family in Minnesota. I do, but they are from my mom's side of the family, not Michael's.)

Anyway, Michael and I ended up getting back to work 70 minutes after we'd left and I was feeling more upset that the office clearly suffered from a lack of communication among their staff. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered. Was this an indication of future events? Did I really trust these folks with processes as complicated as 1) egg retrieval 2) injection of sperm into egg and 3) transfer of embryo into uterus? I mean, did I? My gut, which had begun whispering that maybe this was not the place for us when Dr. Hesla did not remember why we were there, started getting louder. I told Michael that I would give them one more shot, and if I still felt that they didn't know us or our specific situation, I would switch to OHSU.

Initially, he wondered why I would switch. "Aren't they the best?" he asked. I told him that while they have a very good track record with IVF, if I didn't feel comfortable with them, I would never be able to go through it there--not with something as rigorous both physically and emotionally as IVF. I figured that we could always get the results of the Clomiphene Challenge and take them elsewhere . . . we hadn't signed any papers yet with them or even really been taken on as candidates for IVF. That is what the Clomid test was supposed to determine.

So I went into today trying to have an open mind. I was sure that 10a.m. was my appointment time. I was wrong--it was an 8:15a.m. appointment. I got a call from ORM at 8:30a.m. asking where I was and if I was coming in today. Now this part I take responsibility for, since I didn't write down the time when the appointment was made. I also didn't get a reminder card or a reminder call Friday or yesterday, but I don't really hold that against them. What I hold against them is not taking the time to read my chart and refresh their memories as to why I am coming to their clinic and why I am paying them a whole lot of money to check my blood and my reproductive organs.

 I had the blood draw and was told that I would get the results later today. Fine. I got a call from them at 11:00a.m. but let it go to voicemail because I wasn't ready to talk to them on the phone. Mostly I wasn't ready to find out what my Day 10 FSH level was. I wasn't ready until about 5:00p.m. When I listened to the message, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I ended up going back and listening to it 2 more times, once with Michael.

 The nurse gave me my FSH level (12.38, which is fine since it just has to be under 13), and then proceeded to tell me in a very cheery voice that my next step would be to go buy some ovulation kits (the kind with the smiley face) and begin checking my 2nd urine of the morning tomorrow (Day 11). As soon as I got the smiley face, the indicator of my LH surge, I was to call the office to schedule my insemination. Yes, that's right, folks, my insemination.

 I was floored, flabbergasted and angrier than I ever remember being about much of anything. I said some choice words, and called my mom where I told her everything and gave her a preview of what I plan on telling someone at ORM tomorrow when I call them. Then I called my friend Eileen (who is also on track for IVF) and left her a message, and then I called my best friend Lindsey and left her a message. I was beyond steamed--firstly, because this was the second time the staff thought I was coming in for a treatment other than the treatment outlined during my initial consult, and secondly, that it was the third time in four visits that I felt like the staff did not know who we are.

So. Needless to say, we will not be pursuing the building of our family with Oregon Reproductive Medicine. Tomorrow I will call OHSU and see if we can get on the books for an initial consult. And I will call ORM and give them a piece of my flaming mind.