This last week has been probably the most stressful week of my life, and that's saying something when you think about all we have done to get where we are. When I began writing this post a few days ago, I hoped that once the story of what happened was out of my head and on the screen, I would be able to stop thinking about it, turning it over and over in my mind and worrying over what I might have done differently, what could have happened "if only." Some of that constant reliving of the events started letting up over the weekend ( I saw my therapist on Saturday and it helped to talk to her about it), and now I just want to write out the story, share it with you, and move on.
I'd like to make a small disclaimer here that the following contains some talk of blood and fluid, so if you're squeamish, you might want to skip to the end of the post now. And so you don't worry, I'll tell you that as of right now, both the baby and I are doing fine--shaken, but otherwise fine.
It happened on Monday, October 24th, at 6:32PM by the police report. I was on my way home from work, then Costco where I picked up my thyroid prescription, then Whole Foods, where I picked up the fixings for chicken stew. I was driving southbound on 185th in Beaverton, less than five miles from our house. It's a fairly busy street with two lanes going in each direction and the posted speed limit is 45MPH.
I was in the left lane and noticed that the car in front of me was stopped. I'm pretty sure there was also a car stopped in the turn lane. I wondered what was going on, then saw the figure of a person standing between the two cars. It looked like they were encouraging whoever it was to continue on across the street. It was then that I thought to check my rearview mirror . . . someone was coming and for a split second I thought they were going to stop. Then just as quickly I realized that the headlights were coming on way too fast.
It took the next three or so seconds for me to a) honk my horn trying to signal the driver behind me that we were stopped, b) take my foot off the brake and c) close my eyes and bend my head forward, bracing for the impact I knew was coming.
He hit me hard, going what we guess was between 35 and 40MPH. I didn't hear him hit the brakes and Michael tells me there were no skidmarks on the pavement that might have indicated he was trying to slow down (although that is something he apparently told the police from what Michael overheard).
I think the first thing I did after the impact was bury my face in my hands and begin sobbing. I could see the driver behind me just sitting in his vehicle. I'm sure he was stunned. Then I started hunting around for my cell phone so I could call Michael. Funny how my first thought was to call him and not 911. I dialed his number but it went to voicemail and in the back of my mind I thought that that just proved how we really need to get him a new cell phone because his is notorious for running out of juice just hours after being fully charged. And I've worried before about not being able to reach him in case of emergency.
I hung up the phone and searched for my mom's number. It was about this time that the other driver came up to my window. There was also a man (a good samaritan who hadn't seen the accident but must have been driving by and stopped) in a white t-shirt holding a cell phone. He asked me if I had called 911 yet. I told him that no, I was trying to reach my husband. He said he would call the police and also an ambulance. I was still crying and right on the verge of hysteria about this time. The other driver kept asking if I was okay and I yelled at him that no, I was not okay. I was pregnant. I also asked him (okay, yelled) what the !@#$ was he thinking (meaning when he wasn't paying attention and plowed into me). It wasn't my finest moment, but I was beyond worried about the baby and very angry and scared. I can't remember how he responded . . . I think it was something like, he didn't realize we were stopped, which in my mind was pretty ridiculous. Even if he wasn't sure we were stopped, he should have started braking and kept watching to see what happened. Apparently he was off in La La Land, or maybe he was texting. I'll never know for sure.
My mom answered her phone and I blurted out what had happened and that I couldn't reach Michael. I have to hand it to her how well she held it together given the circumstances. She told me everything would be okay, and to just breathe and that she would stay on the line with me until Michael got there.
I saw emergency vehicles coming toward us and then a police lady came to the window and asked me to hang up the phone. She asked me for my license and for my version of what happened. After she left, I was finally able to reach Michael. I told him that I'd been rear-ended hard and that I neededhim to come. He just asked me where I was and said he was on his way.
After that a young firefighter named Brandon came over to the car. He opened my door and squatted down so that we were eye level and talked to me slowly and softly. I kept saying that I was pregnant and he kept saying that I would be fine. He took my blood pressure and told someone next to him that he couldn't get the bottom number but the top was 120. The systolic (top) number for me is usually in the 90's, so I guess my blood pressure was amped up a bit from the stress of the accident.
Brandon asked me slowly and carefully if I wanted to go to the hospital in the ambulance, but I told him that I didn't think I needed that--Michael could drive me in our truck. I had been wondering why Michael wasn't there yet, so I called him to ask what I should do about the ambulance. He answered and then I saw him jogging over to the car from the side of the road, still talking to me on his phone. He told me later that he'd been talking to police officers and firefighters and that they had seemed like they didn't want him to go over to me yet. Michael agreed that we could probably go to the hospital in the truck, although he told me later that I should have just ridden in the ambulance because the other driver's insurance would have paid for it. At the time though, I really didn't think I needed it. I was upset and shaken, but physically I seemed fine. There was no mark on my belly from the seatbelt and no part of my body that I knew of had hit any part of the car when I was hit.
It was dark by the time we got ready to go. A different firefighter helped me pick the contents of my purse off the floor and figure out what I needed to take with me. Someone else grabbed the groceries from the backseat and carried them over to our truck. Then traffic in the right lane was stopped for us so we could safely cross to the truck. The lady police office whom I had first spoken with (what stands out in my mind is that she had tattoo "sleeves" on both forearms) gave us our copy of the accident report and told us that we would have to file another report with the DMV within 72 hours. If we didn't and the other driver did, my license could possibly be suspended. I told her quite emphatically that we would be sure to report it. I got teary then, worrying about the baby. She saw my tears but thought they meant something else. "It's just a car," she said. I just nodded, not bothering to correct her, as I was quite anxious to get out of there.
We drove directly to St. Vincent hospital, groceries in the back and all. It wasn't until we had parked and were trying to find the emergency room that I started to feel some wetness between my legs. I tried to brush it aside, as I had been having some heavier discharge that day, but it seemed to become wetter as we walked. By the time we reached the ER lobby, I was telling Michael that I thought something was wrong, that maybe I was bleeding. There was quite a line of people waiting to check in to be seen and he suggested I go sit while he waited in line for us. I did and tried to hold it together, but prayed they would hurry.
When it was Michael's turn at the counter, he told the two ladies there what was happening. One of them asked me to come talk to them. I stood up and walked the few steps over to Michael. I felt more wetness slipping out of me and tried pressing my legs together. I can't remember now if I told them I thought I was bleeding. I must have because they told Michael he could get me a wheelchair and he was bringing one over to me when I felt a great wetness spreading and soaking through the front and crotch of my pants. I started crying and told Michael that I was bleeding, lifting my sweater so that he could see my stained pants. He told the ladies behind the counter and they said one of the nurses would see me right then. She was in a little nook next to the registration counter. She took my temperature and my blood pressure and listened again to what had happened. I guess there was some debate about whether I should go upstairs to labor and delivery where the OB doctors were, or if I should be seen by an ER doctor. Then a volunteer wheeled me away through the waiting room. It seemed like I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I kept mine on my lap, which I'd covered with my sweater to hide the blood.
Soon we'd made it to what I figured out was the pediatric section of the ER. We were taken to a room that had no bed or examining table in it. A nurse came over and sheepishly said that she was sorry but a special table had been ordered. Maybe they had a smaller one in there that would fit a child, but not an adult. So we waited, I in the chair and Michael next to me, holding my hand tightly, scared to death about what was happening and what was still to come.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
13 Weeks!
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| I can't get Blogger to let me post this picture vertically, but hopefully you get the idea . . . :) |
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| The baby is the size of a medium shrimp and now has fingerprints! |
Friday, October 14, 2011
12 Weeks! (1st "Official" Prenatal Appointment)
Tuesday we had our first official prenatal appointment with Dr. Stempel. I was nervous going back to the same place where I'd had such a sad experience with our other little twin (about a month ago now), but was fairly confident that everything was okay since I have been having so much morningsickness lately. :)
We got there in time for our 8:45AM appointment, but weren't taken back until after 9. Still, it wasn't a terribly long wait, and I appreciate that the staff seems to really take their time with each patient instead of just rushing everyone through . . . I'm happy to wait a bit in order to have that experience!
Dr. Stempel's assistant checked my weight (136, so up a couple pounds from the last visit) and took my blood pressure. I can't remember exactly what it was but it was quite low--98/60 or something like that. I joked to her that I am barely alive. ;) She asked both of us questions about our family health histories and then me about any medical conditions. I'm happy to report that we come from fairly healthy stock! Then I was sent off to produce a urine sample . . . I think I will be doing a lot of that in the coming months!
This was the first time that Michael met Dr. Stempel and I was curious to see what he thought. The doctor came in and looked through my chart which alread looked pretty full. I joked with him and the assistant that it was a pretty thick file for only my first real visit. One of the nice things about doing so much testing before IVF is that I've already had most of the required prenatal bloodtests. They said they would check my thyroid and Vitamin D levels as both have been low in the past (and I currently take Levothyroxine {and follow a gluten-free diet} to help keep my thyroid levels balanced). Another interesting thing I found out is that I am immune to the German measles (Rubella?). At first I thought that meant that I'd been born immune, but Dr. Stempel said that most women are immune if they were vaccinated for MMR in the past.
After the paperwork, the doctor began the exam. Since it's been about a year and a half since my last annual, I was a very lucky girl and got the full treatment yesterday. :) But the best, best part was when the doctor used the Doppler to listen for our baby's heartbeat. It took him a minute to find it (the longest minute ever!), but then suddenly it was there. It was so surreal, to realize that a tiny being with a tiny heart is growing in my womb . . . I started to cry and then laughed because my belly shaking from the crying interfered with hearing the heartbeat. I said, "I can't cry if I want to hear the heart beating!" It was a short and sweet experience, but made me feel so relieved that everything is still going well. Dr. Stempel said the beat sounds just right and that my womb is just rising over the top of my pubic bone. He said that in a couple more weeks, my stomach is going to "pop." I said it's probably a good thing that I just ordered some maternity clothes then. Everyone laughed. :)
I asked Dr. Stempel how he felt about continuing to see me during my pregnancy in tandem with a midwife. I reminded him of what I had said during our consultation--that I had planned on having a midwife when I thought I would just have one baby, but since we were expecting twins, I felt safer in a hospital setting. He said that it was up to me, but that he feels the safest place to have a baby is in the hospital (I have heard this medical standpoint before), and he feels like I would best be served by having a single care provider during my pregnancy. He added that should I choose to go with a midwife, and then later run in to a problem of some kind, he would be happy to work with the midwife to help me out. I thought that was nice. We talked about waterbirth and he gave me his opinion--not a fan, which I guess I was a little surprised about. He thinks it's messy (vaginal secretions and sometimes poo end up in the water), and he said that it doesn't give the doctor a chance to "help" so as to prevent tearing. I didn't ask but am assuming he meant performing an episiotomy. One thing that may have colored his opinion on waterbirth is an experience he mentioned having during which he cared for an infant who inhaled chlorine during a waterbirth. I'm not sure how this happened, because I thought babies under water wouldn't take a breath until their faces touched the air.
At any rate, Dr. Stempel obviously didn't think waterbirth was a good idea, but he did say that it is up to me. He even offered to do a little research and find out what Emanuel Hospital offers in terms of birthing tubs and what the policies are on giving birth in the tub. I thought that was nice and definitely something he didn't have to do.
We left the office with instructions to have some bloodwork done and come back in 4 weeks. Our next appointment is on November 8th--I'll be 16 weeks!
Between now and then, I think we are going to try and tour Emanuel to check out their labor and delivery floor, as well as tour the waterbirth center I am interested in and talk with a midwife. Hopefully by the time of our next appointment, we'll have enough information to feel like we're making an informed choice and one that we both feel comfortable with.
We got there in time for our 8:45AM appointment, but weren't taken back until after 9. Still, it wasn't a terribly long wait, and I appreciate that the staff seems to really take their time with each patient instead of just rushing everyone through . . . I'm happy to wait a bit in order to have that experience!
Dr. Stempel's assistant checked my weight (136, so up a couple pounds from the last visit) and took my blood pressure. I can't remember exactly what it was but it was quite low--98/60 or something like that. I joked to her that I am barely alive. ;) She asked both of us questions about our family health histories and then me about any medical conditions. I'm happy to report that we come from fairly healthy stock! Then I was sent off to produce a urine sample . . . I think I will be doing a lot of that in the coming months!
This was the first time that Michael met Dr. Stempel and I was curious to see what he thought. The doctor came in and looked through my chart which alread looked pretty full. I joked with him and the assistant that it was a pretty thick file for only my first real visit. One of the nice things about doing so much testing before IVF is that I've already had most of the required prenatal bloodtests. They said they would check my thyroid and Vitamin D levels as both have been low in the past (and I currently take Levothyroxine {and follow a gluten-free diet} to help keep my thyroid levels balanced). Another interesting thing I found out is that I am immune to the German measles (Rubella?). At first I thought that meant that I'd been born immune, but Dr. Stempel said that most women are immune if they were vaccinated for MMR in the past.
After the paperwork, the doctor began the exam. Since it's been about a year and a half since my last annual, I was a very lucky girl and got the full treatment yesterday. :) But the best, best part was when the doctor used the Doppler to listen for our baby's heartbeat. It took him a minute to find it (the longest minute ever!), but then suddenly it was there. It was so surreal, to realize that a tiny being with a tiny heart is growing in my womb . . . I started to cry and then laughed because my belly shaking from the crying interfered with hearing the heartbeat. I said, "I can't cry if I want to hear the heart beating!" It was a short and sweet experience, but made me feel so relieved that everything is still going well. Dr. Stempel said the beat sounds just right and that my womb is just rising over the top of my pubic bone. He said that in a couple more weeks, my stomach is going to "pop." I said it's probably a good thing that I just ordered some maternity clothes then. Everyone laughed. :)
I asked Dr. Stempel how he felt about continuing to see me during my pregnancy in tandem with a midwife. I reminded him of what I had said during our consultation--that I had planned on having a midwife when I thought I would just have one baby, but since we were expecting twins, I felt safer in a hospital setting. He said that it was up to me, but that he feels the safest place to have a baby is in the hospital (I have heard this medical standpoint before), and he feels like I would best be served by having a single care provider during my pregnancy. He added that should I choose to go with a midwife, and then later run in to a problem of some kind, he would be happy to work with the midwife to help me out. I thought that was nice. We talked about waterbirth and he gave me his opinion--not a fan, which I guess I was a little surprised about. He thinks it's messy (vaginal secretions and sometimes poo end up in the water), and he said that it doesn't give the doctor a chance to "help" so as to prevent tearing. I didn't ask but am assuming he meant performing an episiotomy. One thing that may have colored his opinion on waterbirth is an experience he mentioned having during which he cared for an infant who inhaled chlorine during a waterbirth. I'm not sure how this happened, because I thought babies under water wouldn't take a breath until their faces touched the air.
At any rate, Dr. Stempel obviously didn't think waterbirth was a good idea, but he did say that it is up to me. He even offered to do a little research and find out what Emanuel Hospital offers in terms of birthing tubs and what the policies are on giving birth in the tub. I thought that was nice and definitely something he didn't have to do.
We left the office with instructions to have some bloodwork done and come back in 4 weeks. Our next appointment is on November 8th--I'll be 16 weeks!
Between now and then, I think we are going to try and tour Emanuel to check out their labor and delivery floor, as well as tour the waterbirth center I am interested in and talk with a midwife. Hopefully by the time of our next appointment, we'll have enough information to feel like we're making an informed choice and one that we both feel comfortable with.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
11 Weeks and the Last Injection
Monday we hit the eleven week mark in our pregnancy. I'm definitely feeling more confident that this little love is going to be with us for a long time to come. Our next appointment with Dr. Stempel is next Tuesday and we will get to hear our baby's heartbeat . . . I know I'll feel even better after that.
Morning sickness has been visiting me off and on quite a bit this past week, which doesn't feel good in the moment, but which always gives me a certain sense of affirmation that the baby is doing just fine. I like to think of it as a little message from him or her saying that everything's going well and not to worry.
Our other big news is that last Friday was my very last progesterone injection. I think Michael was maybe even more excited about it than I was. :) I know he's felt bad about giving me the shots when they've caused pain. It's hard to believe that I have been taking progesterone for just over two months now, but I started the shots right after our retrieval at the beginning of August . . . it's funny what you get used to. I can't say I'll miss them, that's for sure, and I am definitely looking forward to feeling better not having so much progesterone in my body. One of the worst side effects has been really horrible constipation about every other day (sorry if too much info). I've heard from Eileen and another woman she met who is now pregnant with her second IVF baby that being on the synthetic progesterone so long really does cause digestive problems. Here's hoping it gets better soon! Also hoping that I will feel more on an even keel emotionally now that I won't be getting any more shots. I'm still expecting to have some hormonal craziness just from being pregnant, but hopefully it won't be quite so strong.
That's the update--I'll let you know how next Tuesday's appointment goes. In terms of how I look, I'd say that my tummy is really beginning to pooch out noticeably. I heard yesterday that one of the girls in my building at work noticed my little bump and asked a mutual friend if I am pregnant . . . :) I'll have to get Michael to take my picture soon so you can see.
Thank you for your continued prayers and good thoughts for us. I know I've been kind of quiet lately and have been delayed in getting back to some of you who have written or called, but please know that I feel the good energy and love you are sending.
And I am grateful. <3
Morning sickness has been visiting me off and on quite a bit this past week, which doesn't feel good in the moment, but which always gives me a certain sense of affirmation that the baby is doing just fine. I like to think of it as a little message from him or her saying that everything's going well and not to worry.
Our other big news is that last Friday was my very last progesterone injection. I think Michael was maybe even more excited about it than I was. :) I know he's felt bad about giving me the shots when they've caused pain. It's hard to believe that I have been taking progesterone for just over two months now, but I started the shots right after our retrieval at the beginning of August . . . it's funny what you get used to. I can't say I'll miss them, that's for sure, and I am definitely looking forward to feeling better not having so much progesterone in my body. One of the worst side effects has been really horrible constipation about every other day (sorry if too much info). I've heard from Eileen and another woman she met who is now pregnant with her second IVF baby that being on the synthetic progesterone so long really does cause digestive problems. Here's hoping it gets better soon! Also hoping that I will feel more on an even keel emotionally now that I won't be getting any more shots. I'm still expecting to have some hormonal craziness just from being pregnant, but hopefully it won't be quite so strong.
That's the update--I'll let you know how next Tuesday's appointment goes. In terms of how I look, I'd say that my tummy is really beginning to pooch out noticeably. I heard yesterday that one of the girls in my building at work noticed my little bump and asked a mutual friend if I am pregnant . . . :) I'll have to get Michael to take my picture soon so you can see.
Thank you for your continued prayers and good thoughts for us. I know I've been kind of quiet lately and have been delayed in getting back to some of you who have written or called, but please know that I feel the good energy and love you are sending.
And I am grateful. <3
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