It's no secret to most of you reading this that Michael and I have been trying to become parents for a very long time--well, I suppose 5 years isn't so long in the grand scheme of things, but for me it has seemed an eternity. I have been up and down and all over the map in terms of how I feel about this journey we are on. I've gone from hopeful to desperate to inspired to devastated hundreds of times--sometimes just during the course of one day. I know that I have probably made much more progress than it feels like I have made, but I hope this journal will help me keep better track and prove to myself that I am doing something to help my dreams become reality.
I invite you, dear friend, along for the ride.
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"Lil's [laugh] is altogether new; I hardly heard it this past week. It is, to my ears, full of her new resolve, new gratitude, the sense of moving forward after standing still so long."
--Three Junes by Julia Glass
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's
longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they
belong not to you.
---Kahlil Gibran
I think I already understand about life: pretty good, some problems.
--Sam Lamott, at age seven
--Sam Lamott, at age seven
Traveling Mercies
"Traveling mercies," the old people at our church said to her when she left. This is what they always say when one of us goes off for awhile. Traveling mercies: love the journey, God is with you, come home safe and sound.
-- Anne Lamott
-- Anne Lamott
What I'm Reading
Inconceivable by Julia Indichova
The Infertility Cure by Dr. Randine Lewis
The Infertility Cure by Dr. Randine Lewis
What I've Read
Forever Lily: An Unexpected Mother's Journey to Adoption in China by Beth Nonte Russell
Inspiration
"Lil's [laugh] is altogether new; I hardly heard it this past week. It is, to my ears, full of her new resolve, new gratitude, the sense of moving forward after standing still so long."
--Three Junes by Julia Glass
Excerpt from "Child of Mine" by Jennifer Wolff Perrine
After the miscarriage, one of my closest friends, a wealthy gay Texan named David, presented me with an Elsa Peretti solitaire diamond necklace from Tiffany. "I don't know what to give a woman in your situation," he said, "but I think you should have a diamond." He told me to regard its sparkle as the soul of the baby who would one day come to me. So I did.
Excerpt from "Meet the Twiblings" by Melanie Thernstrom
Once, there was a couple who wanted to have babies. They tried and tried but no babies arrived, and they were very sad. But then a Fairy Goddonor brought them some magical eggs. She came from a place where it never rains and she drove a midnight blue convertible and had long golden hair (well, currently short and aubergine). They took the eggs, and the eggs changed into the beginnings of babies, and they gave them to angel women to help them grow. So the angel women stowed the beginning of each baby in their bodies, where they grew and grew like pumpkins.
Do you know who those babies are?
Do you know who those babies are?
Why I Am Happy
Now has come an easy time. I let it
roll. There is a lake somewhere
so blue and far nobody owns it.
A wind comes by and a willow listens
gracefully.
I hear all this, every summer. I laugh
and cry for every turn of the world,
its terribly cold, innocent spin.
That lake stays blue and free; it goes
on and on.
And I know where it is.
--William Stafford
Now has come an easy time. I let it
roll. There is a lake somewhere
so blue and far nobody owns it.
A wind comes by and a willow listens
gracefully.
I hear all this, every summer. I laugh
and cry for every turn of the world,
its terribly cold, innocent spin.
That lake stays blue and free; it goes
on and on.
And I know where it is.
--William Stafford
Accept the present and intend the future.
---Deepak Chopra
---Deepak Chopra
The Powell's sticker on the back of Inconceivable that shows in which section of the store it can be found: HEAL-FERTILITY.
Throughout my life I have been engaged in two kinds of magical thinking . . . the magic I'm talking about is the realization that something you believed to be impossible is, in fact, possible. That in spite of what anyone has ever told you, your fate is not sealed.
--Inconceivable by Julia Indichova
--Inconceivable by Julia Indichova
Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.
--Arundhati Roy
--Arundhati Roy
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's
longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they
belong not to you.
---Kahlil Gibran
FOR YOU
It is a secret still, but already your tree
is chosen. It has entered a forest for miles
and hides deep in a valley by a river.
No one else finds it; the sun passes over
not noticing. But even while you are reading
you happen to think of that tree, no matter where
sentences go, talking about other things.
The author tries to be casual, to turn
from the secret. But you know exactly what is out there.
You set forth alone.
--William Stafford
It is a secret still, but already your tree
is chosen. It has entered a forest for miles
and hides deep in a valley by a river.
No one else finds it; the sun passes over
not noticing. But even while you are reading
you happen to think of that tree, no matter where
sentences go, talking about other things.
The author tries to be casual, to turn
from the secret. But you know exactly what is out there.
You set forth alone.
--William Stafford
"We in our faith work," she said, stumble along toward where we think we're supposed to go, bumbling along, and here is what's so amazing--we end up getting exactly where we're supposed to be."
--Anne Lamott
--Anne Lamott
The Path to True Happiness
Everything in life changes. The path to true happiness is one of integrating and fully accepting all aspects of our experience. This integration is represented in the Taoist symbol of yin/yang, a circle which is half dark and half light. In the midst of the dark area is a spot of light, and in the midst of the light area is a spot of darkness. Even in the depths of darkness, the light is implicit. Even in the heart of light, the dark is understood, acknowledged, and absorbed. If things are not going well for us in life and we are suffering, we are not defeated by the pain or closed off to the light. If things are going well and we are happy, we are not defensively trying to deny the possibility of suffering.
--Sharon Salzberg
from "Loving-Kindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness"
--Sharon Salzberg
from "Loving-Kindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness"
Followers
About Me
- Amy + Michael
- The journey, not the destination, is the most important thing.
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